Basics
name: Nymphadora āTonksā Lupin.
nickname(s): the bloodhound (by auror friends)
age: 26.
gender / orientation: cis female, bisexual.
allegiance: order of the stag.
blood-status: halfblood.
house: hufflepuff.

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@t-onks
Basics
name: Nymphadora āTonksā Lupin.
nickname(s): the bloodhound (by auror friends)
age: 26.
gender / orientation: cis female, bisexual.
allegiance: order of the stag.
blood-status: halfblood.
house: hufflepuff.

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" ass rainbows, " they repeat. " well. thankfully, that doesn't seem to be genetic. "
growing up, doodling on the backs of cereal boxes and in cheap, paper pads, they always painted their mother in all brights ā a bold spectrum of colours entirely at odds with their own muted shades of grey. the older they got, the safer they felt in their certainty that even if she had lived, they wouldn't have been the sort of family to share in secret smiles or in-jokes. there would always have been some gap to bridge, or some translation to wander lost in.
they would have been unknowable to one another.
but the woman sitting across from them is disconcertingly shrewd. there's a glint in her eye that makes teddy shift where they sit, dropping their gaze as though in fear that she might somehow see into their soul.
that's what i'm afraid of, they think but don't say. i'm afraid you're going to stick around long enough to find me out ā and i'm not sure what it is i'm even hiding.
" i don't know. i imagine you'll have all sorts of complicated thoughts and feelings about the person i've turned out to be ā and honestly? i'm not convinced it's good for either of us to be reckoning with that on top of everything else that's going on. "
She snorted. ā Canāt give you all the good genes now can we? It wouldnāt be fair. ā the corners of her eyes creased with a smile, then she watched them and hummed as she considered their next words carefully. She understood their hesitation. Had mulled their circumstances over the past month carefully. Asking them to abandon the comfortable cocoon of their loneliness would not be easy. But she expected this to be hard and to take time and felt confident in her ability to stick it out until they reached solid land. She has yet to meet a problem she couldnāt out-stubborn.
ā I have no doubt about that. ā War brought out the best in you and the worst in you. ā But I disagree with you. During the second war, after we lost dad and all of our lives were in danger, having someone to share my burden with made all the difference. Things are only going to get harder from here on out, Teddy. No one should face all of that on their own. ā Her eyes went towards her wedding band. It gleamed a fiery orange like her hair. Remusā love, bound in stone, presented with the stubborn hope and fear that characterized the rest of their time together. They were all scared out of their minds by the end. If she didnāt have Remus, her mom, Teddy, she wouldāve never made it through to the end.Ā
The stones shifted to a bright teal, and she realized she changed her hair without conscious thought. She looked back up at Teddy. ā Itās not only good, Teddy, itās necessary. ā She put her hands around the warm mug. ā I know youāre scared. But nothing you are or arenāt is gonna turn me away. Iāve loved you since before you were born. The moment I knew I wanted to be a mother, I loved you. Iām not giving up on us just because itās hard. ā
Looking up at Grimmauld Place as he apparated on its doorstep, Remus wondered if heād ever feel comfortable here. It wouldnāt have been his first choice of residence, however temporary it may have been, but recently revived beggars truly couldnāt be choosers it seemed. Even knowing that the place was the Orderās headquarters and had been so for quite some time wasnāt enough to soothe his raised hackles. There was still too much old magic trapped within its walls, no matter how thoroughly the Order may have tried to scrub the worst of it out. And with the whispers of that magic came all the stories that he knew about this place. Stories whispered in the dead of night between bouts of nightmares that still held a grip on his heart. So no, he didnāt think heād ever find any comfort in its halls but, at the very least, Remus never questioned his safety within its walls. That is until that very moment when he stepped into its doorway and felt a tingle of unfamiliar magic run up his spine, bright and stunning, before ropes flew out to greet him. āMotherfucker,ā he cried out loudly in surprise, fully bound from the neck down within the space of a heartbeat as he slammed face first into the floor. Instantly, all his senses went into high alert, a curse already on the tip of his tongue to stun his would be attacker when a voice stopped him dead in his tracks.Ā ā I need to have a word with my husband. ā That phrase alone had his breath constricting in a way that had nothing to do with the ropes around him and had a different sort of panic coursing through his veins. Nonsensically, he almost wished he was under attack because that was something he could face. Because there was one other reason that had Remus fleeing Grimmauld whenever possible and she was heading straight to him. His magic all but forgotten, he did the one reasonable thing his panic addled brain could come up with and he crawled away. He impressively made it a few inches away before she gracelessly plopped down in front of him, effectively blocking his path. Casting one last ditch effort, he sent a pleading look towards the retreating back of one of the Jan clones but at her huff, Remus knew that he was thoroughly caught. āHello, Tonks,ā he said, raising his head to look directly at her, forcing himself to say her name aloud for the first time since heād heard about her existence and what it had meant to him once upon a time ago. āIām Remus,ā he continued, knowing that he didnāt require any introduction but he couldnāt help being as polite as ever since it was the only defense he had left. āIām unemployed and have been for some time it seems. I do bite and I think itās a little too soon to be talking about chains since we donāt have any safety words in place,ā he continued, matching her beat for beat in a deadpan tone. Yet as the last words left his lips, he slammed his mouth shut with an audible click, letting his face fall back down against the carpet as he felt a curl of warmth tickle at his throat. Because Remus Lupin was and had been many things in his life and being an incurable showboat who didnāt know when to quit had always been one of his worst qualities. Which is of course, why that particular trait was rearing its head in the worst possible moment. āIn the spirit of fairness,ā he began, voice muffled against the carpet as his mind desperately ran through all possible escapes. āI should let you know that I just spent my morning drinking a whole teapot full of a mystery potion whose effects Iām just starting to understand,ā he explained, attempting to keep his voice light despite internally promising swift revenge on Snape. āWould you mind terribly if we rescheduled this conversation? Perhaps for the 29th of February?,ā he asked, voice hopeful as he lifted his head to flash her his most charming smile.
She watched him for a moment as he crawled on the ground like a worm before she burst out laughing. She put her face in her hands for a moment before she looked back up at him. ā Are you trying to crawl away from me? Remus, come on! What are you doing! Iām just gonna talk to you, honestly! You look like a worm! ā It was good to find a reason to laugh after the last three days. She spent most of them in a state of shock and uncertainty.Ā
She let him do his unnecessary introduction ā charmingly polite, as ever. Her lips curved with amusement. ā I know you do, ā she winked. ā And not to worry, we can hash out the details once I have you in cuffs. ā
She hummed, watching him. The first time she saw this smile on her Remus, she thought, I bet that got you out of a lotta trouble back in the day. It was such a boyish expression on his time-worn face, it instantly transformed him into someone forgivable. He did something stupid and risky on a mission, and she was quite angry and wagging a disapproving finger when he set that smile upon her like a last line of defense. It worked that day, she was not prepared, but not often since. Now she patted his cheek twice with an indulgent smile. ā I have a bezoar in my pocket if you need one. ā
She stretched her legs out beside him, crossed at the ankles, and leaned back on one hand. ā Well, let me put it this way. I know more about you than most people in the world, dead or alive. I know things your friends didnāt get to learn about you before they died. Things you havenāt discovered about yourself yet. And you know nothing about me. ā She examined her nails with interest. Her hair shifted from deep violet to a bright teal. The stones on her wedding band transformed to match. Did Remus know she was a Metamorphmagus, or did he completely avoid any mention of her to such an extent? It wouldnāt be hard. The last three days were a complete storm upon both their lives. But the thought that Remus wouldn't know something so definitive about her filled her with unbearable dread. ā My Remus wouldnāt have waited three days to address a potential threat like that. But heās thirteen years your senior, so maybe heās just wiser. ā She smiled down at him pityingly. ā Youāve got a bit of growing up to do yet, I suppose. ā
ā Trista Mateer, from āi still forget weāre not even friendsā
@lupineloon
@lupineloon : āPlease donāt say you love me.ā
ā I know you donāt love me, ā she smiled. ā Not like he did. My Remus. ā Her gentleman killer. Her soft-spoken, kind hearted creature of the night. She had watched him watch her with hope and fear, and her own hope leapt to her throat like a knife. Even in their last intimate moments he had looked at her like that. Hopeful, dreamlike, and afraid.Ā
This young, unwise echo of her husband hadnāt yet allowed himself to hope. In his eyes she saw only a closed door, a weary acceptance. Her heart became possessed with fierce affection.
ā But I love you, Remus. I loved you for years, with my eyes wide open. I know what kind of man you are and I choose you. ā She leaned forward across the table between them. She placed her hand over his. ā You think we didnāt have this conversation a million times before? You turned your pockets inside out looking for reasons why you canāt be loved. You showed me every hated part of you trying to push me away. Ask me how well that worked, why donāt you? ā Her thumb grazed a half circle against his hand. Her wedding band glinted against the evening light. ā Iām not going to stop loving you just because you donāt love me back. Thatās not how this works. ā

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@t-onks said " take your time with this. it must be very hard on you. "
" it's fine. " teddy is not, by nature, an angry person. they seldom raise their voice. they don't slam doors or point fingers. they're in control, always. but there's something about the events of the past month or so, be it the mass resurrection or the blood on daisy's hands, that has them teetering on the edge of some dark, cavernous feeling. they want an outlet. they need somewhere to lay their burden down.
and as they stand face to face with the very last person they want to see, they're tempted now more than ever to take it out on the nebulous 'them' ā the standard they couldn't match, no matter how desperately they tried. the footsteps too washed away for them to follow. the parents that weren't there.
but as per usual, their better judgment prevails. they stare back at their mother cooly. their mother.
" it's strange, that's all. " they speak carefully, watching her face and finding it somewhat like staring into the eyes of those old photos. two-dimensional. disconnected. if she has tells, they don't yet know them ā a thought that makes the chasm between them feel deeper and wider than ever. they don't want to cause her pain, but they don't want to humour her either. blood may tie them, but they're still just two people. two imperfect strangers.
" i imagine it's probably strange for you, too, " they say. then, with no small measure of hope: " we don't have to do this, you know. "
Tonks watched Teddy like she would a crime scene. Eyes flickered through their features, earmarked and catalogued. Cool stare, rigid shoulders, slight upturn to their chin. Like a tightly wound pressure valve struggling to contain. This was who her mother raised without dads influence. Without their monthly fishing trips, where she talked about her every worry and fear and success. She didnāt know if she wouldāve done a better job. She wasnāt there to do it.
I wouldāve taken you fishing, she thought. I wouldāve carried your worries for you.
Itās fine, Teddy said. Tonks smiled despite herself. Her smile widened at the indelicate hope in Teddyās last words. ā You sound like your father. He could be dying from an infection and still say heās just fine. ā She leaned forward and put her chin on her hand. She hummed thoughtfully, looking them over. Every word they said was careful, everything about them squeezed tight enough to fit a capsule. She wanted to find the linchpin that held it all together and pluck it out.Ā
ā No, we donāt have to, ā she said. ā But I want to get to know you. And I want you to get to know me. Me. Not the weird shiny war hero with rainbows shooting out of its ass. ā She grabbed the handle of her mug with her other hand, thumb grazing the ceramic rim. The bracelet Remus charmed for her clinked against the table. ā Arenāt you curious about that? You mustāve wanted to ask me a million questions growing up. I wish I was there to answer them then, but Iām here now. And Iām not going anywhere any time soon. ā
december 26th, 2030. grimmauld place. closed starter for @lupineloon
Tonks understood her husbandās temperament well enough. She invested the time and effort to learn him and all his hang ups despite the obstacles he put in her way. When she put her hand out for him to shake ā this baby-faced, bright-eyed littler version of her Remus ā she introduced herself properly. Nymphadora Tonks Lupin. Your Wife. You can call me Tonks. Best get it over with ā heāll need time to sit with the information, and she wasnāt gonna wait for him to make the first move. Sheād die of old age before that happened.
He booked it.
She rolled her eyes and flounced off to meet the Polats.
That was what her husband did. Some deeply hidden, fiercely protected button was pressed. He panicked, jumped ship, then came back when he plucked up the nerve, or when he gathered his sense about him like a cloak, or shored up his defenses, or when guilt dragged him back to her doorstep like a whipped dog. Always cautious, unoptimistic, and still a little afraid. She would accept his apologies as her due, then set the record straight.
She needed time to process the latest turn of events anyway. There were so many people to meet and so many questions to ask. On the third day since their resurrection, Tonks waited for Remus to scurry his way out of the building, then went about setting her traps. She tied the runes to his magical signature using the handkerchief he charmed for her the night before the battle, and sat in the entrance hall, working through an old puzzle set she found in a cabinet. The handkerchief was tied to her left palm. Occasionally she brought it up to brush against her jaw bone. Remusā warming charm held through the battle, their death, and resurrection.
Three strangers walked through the door before Remus did. Once his foot crossed the threshold, ropes sprang from the ground, and he dropped to the floor with a heavy thud. She put away the puzzle set and strolled up towards him. ā Could you give us a minute? ā Said Tonks to the alarmed looking strangers. ā I need to have a word with my husband. ā
They clearly knew who she was. She wasnāt a stranger to them.
Once they were alone Tonks crossed her arms and plopped down in front of him. She huffed. ā Look, ā She ran a hand through short violet hair. ā Clearly we got off on the wrong foot here, yeah? Letās start over. My name is Tonks. Iām an Auror. I donāt bite. But if you run away from me again Iāll chain you to the bedpost until we have this damn conversation. That fair? ā
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Undercover: āAnatomicoutureā Ribcage Leather Jacket (2013)
āPeople are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I donāt find myself saying, āSoften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.ā I donāt try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.ā
ā Carl Rogers (via purplebuddhaproject)
āHave patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Donāt search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.ā
ā Rainer Maria Rilke,Ā Letters to a Young Poet (via wordsnquotes)
āNo act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.ā
ā Aesop, The Lion and the MouseĀ (via fyp-philosophy)