IRLs, please block this blog if you find it 🙇

Time management. Once you actually start to figure out consistent fronting, when each of us in here develops ourselves and works our ass off to find ourselves, who we are, to the point we can maintain a long front, going days or weeks as ourselves, it reveals this hidden weakness of just... it is impossible to manage schedules and time. Everyone wants time. Inside the head, so many of us are constantly vying for time to do things we want to do, hobbies we want to pursue, people we want to see. Even simple things just as.... having a quiet moment to just live, to just be yourself, it's all of this valuable time and only one person at a time can have it.

Atop this, add then having social lives. The host obviously has their own things to upkeep, but headmates can also handle some of that. But social lives are an entire different story. Headmates have their own lives, their own relationships, friendly or romantic or whatever all the same, we all have people we want to see, who want to see US. But it gets so fucking hard because.... these same people as well as other people want time with others that have to share this body too, and it's impossible to make everyone happy. No matter what, someone's gonna miss out, someone has to wait for who knows how long. Usually multiple someones, inside the head and out.

>ask my headmate if we're disco elysium plural or inside out plural

>she doesn't understand

>explain to her the premise of the video game disco elysium (2019) and the plot of the animated movie inside out (2015), and how they relate to plurality

>"we're just a normal system"

>let her front

This one is also funny because I think our internal communication is yet another thing that differs from what I usually see other systems experiencing

The vast majority of the time we don't really "speak to" each other. It's more like we overhear each other's thoughts? Or the internal monologue briefly "slips in" to the thought process of someone other than the current fronter?

Like that one time the host was having a real bad time sitting on the floor 5 seconds away from crying, but their internal monologue was all "We have to remember that things are going to be okay! Life has ups and downs, bad days don't mean that (blah blah blah)" -- obviously the caretaker. caretaker thoughts. but it was not really the caretaker intentionally "speaking to" the host. the internal monologue kind of just turned into her thoughts.

We kind of view ourselves more as "mindsets" than like, individual separate people sharing a body. Reoccurring mindsets and patterns of thought and mannerisms who prefer different names and have different self expressions.

I guess it's because we don't have a headspace or individual coexisting streams of memory or anything. We obviously exist still when we're not fronting because we can communicate in our thoughts and stuff, but nobody has memories from the perspective of what it's like to be "in the back"/not fronting. Mindsets.

Sometimes we do speak to each other more intentionally, whether it's the fronter initiating conversation on purpose with someone "in the back" (to check in for whatever reason or coordinate a switch), or someone "in the back" speaking spontaneously on their own (caretaker likes to shout "I'M PROUD OF YOU" when anyone else does a self care task they were struggling with)

but we consider ourselves to exist as mindsets. the currently dominant one "in the front" controlling the decisions, sometimes one co-fronting and strongly influencing the internal monologue, ones "in the back" hanging out as thought processes that are mostly inactive until something relevant to them brings their thoughts or opinions back out.

You say Boredoms, I say Katy Perry

You say Gerogerigegege, I say Skrillex

You say Coil, I say Lady Gaga

You say Throbbing Gristle, I say Black Eyed Peas

You say Whitehouse, I say Taylor Swift

You say Nurse With Wound, I say Bruno Mars

You say Einstürzende Neubauten, I say Maroon 5

You say Brainbombs, I say Drake

You say Egor Letov, I say One Direction

You say Death in June, I say LMFAO

You say Current 93, I say Beyonce

You say La Monte Young, I say Carly Rae Jepsen

You say Moondog, I say Kelly Clarkson

You say Lou Harrison, I say Coldplay

You say Henry Cowell, I say PSY

You say Luigi Russolo, I say Imagine Dragons

You say Popol Vuh, I say Lana Del Ray

You say Fishmans, I say Ellie Goulding

You say Jean Jacques Perrey, I say P!nk

You say Les Rallizes Dénudés, I say Owl City

You say Rainbow Caroliner, I say Carrie Underwood

You say Taj Mahal Travellers, I say Christina Aguilera

You say Fushitsusha, I say Ariana Grande

You say Peter Brötzmann, I say Rihanna

You say John Cage, I say Jennifer Lopez

You say Scott Walker, I say Ed Sheeran

You say Unwound, I say Mumford & Sons

You say Dead, I say Tyga

You say Frank Zappa, I say Shakira

You say Morton Feldman, I say Macklemore

You say Captain Beefheart, I say Big Time Rush

You say Pharoah Sanders, I say Akon

You say Albert Ayler, I say Foster the People

You say Ornette Coleman, I say The Weeknd

You say Alice Coltrane, I say Panic! at the Disco

You say Arnold Schoenberg, I say Florida Georgia Line

You say Pierre Boulez, I say Big Sean

You say György Ligeti, I say Gym Class Heroes

You say Karlheinz Stockhausen, I say Miley Cyrus

You say Nang Nang, I say The Lumineers

You say Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, I say Jay-Z

You say Nara Leão, I say Charlie Puth

You say Basic Channel, I say Mac Miller

You say Raymond Scott, I say Twenty One Pilots

You say Delia Derbyshire, I say Harry Styles

You say Daphne Oram, I say Charli XCX

You say Noah Howard, I say BTS

You say Terry Riley, I say Iggy Azalea

You say Peter Sotos, I say John Legend

You say Lula Côrtes e Zé Ramalho, I say OneRepublic

You say Boyd Rice, I say Migos

You say Mahmoud Ahmed, I say Logic

You say Henry Flynt, I say Bastille

You say Kazumoto Endo, I say Five Seconds of Summer

You say David Tudor, I say Pentatonix

You say Aporea, I say The Chainsmokers

You say Half Japanese, I say Fall Out Boy

You say Mega Banton, I say David Guetta

You say Secret Chiefs 3, I say Greta Van Fleet

You say Keiji Haino, I say Alicia Keys

You say Ramleh, I say Kanye West

You say Otomo Yoshihide, I say T-Pain

You say John Zorn, I say Lizzo

You say Joe Meek, I say WALK THE MOON

You say Robbie Basho, I say Cardi B

You say Phil Spector, I say EXO

You say Faxed Head, I say Solange

You say Harry Partch, I say Lil Nas X

You say Wesley Willis, I say Disclosure

You say Fred Frith, I say Sam Smith

You say The Residents, I say Michael Buble

You say Sun Ra, I say Paramore

You say Sun City Girls, I say Linkin Park

You say Hans Krüsi, I say Florence + The Machine

You say Royal Trux, I say Rascal Flatts

You say Jandek, I say Eminem

You say Yat-Kha, I say Chance the Rapper

You say Loren Mazzacane Connors, I say Mariah Carey

You say Pärson Sound, I say Snoop Dogg

You say The Dead C, I say Adele

You say Comus, I say Shawn Mendes

You say Cromagnon, I say Chris Brown

You say Eliane Radigue, I say Camilla Cabello

You say Arthur Doyle, I say Halsey

You say Shizuka, I say The 1975

You say The Red Krayola, I say Billie Eilish

You say Henry Cow, I say A$AP Rocky

You say Magma, I say Dua Lipa

You say Opus Avantra, I say Kendrick Lamar

You say Pan.Thy.Monium., I say Nicki Minaj

You say Murmuüre, I say Madonna

You say Ksiezyc, I say Britney Spears

You say Gong, I say Post Malone

You say Cukor Bila Smert', I say Jonas Brothers

You say cLOUDDEAD, I say shut the ---- up

You say Muslimgauze, I SCREAM pop music!!

You say Kaoru Abe, I punch you in the face

The cycle of forgetting and then re-remembering trauma memories

Constant depersonalization and derealization

Feeling as if you're stuck living someone else's life

Failure to plan for the future because nothing feels real + losing time

Thinking a flashback is over when you've actually just dissociated away from it, and having it resume as soon as you stop dissociating

Dissociative stupor/trance

Alexithymia

Identity issues outside of alters

Inability to connect with other people

Being unable to tell if you've healed from a past problem/trauma or if you've just dissociated away from it

Not learning from past mistakes because of amnesia and dissociation

Feeling nothing psychologically despite physical shaking, racing heart, nausea, crying, etc

The extreme disorientation + identity confusion that comes with co-consciousness and co-fronting

Somatic flashbacks