Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!

i really wish i could get a refund for all the love i’ve wasted on people like! repay my emotional labour your bill is in the mail

what do y’all have against problematic characters do y’all expect rps to thrive with 30 neutral goods just baking pies and feeding the homeless doin the same stale ass skinny love angst plots like fuck

you know i don’t think i’ve ever actually seen batman with a water bottle, even though you know that Mister I-Am-Prepared-For-All-Things-And-Eleven-Steps-Ahead-Because-I-Knew-You-Would-Only-Expect-Ten would never let himself or any of the robins get all dehydrated and headachey and muscle crampy. i’ve seen bruce wayne with a water bottle, but never batman, in full costume, standing on a rooftop with a matte black stainless steel double-walled bottle of water with a l'il yellow bat sticker on it. you know he tried a bat-shaped canteen and then gave up on it because it was too hard to clean. too many nooks and crannies. ‘but wouldn’t he make alfred clean it’ if you think bruce is capable of making alfred do any manual labor that he doesn’t want to you are sorely mistaken. took one look at that dumbass canteen and he just left the room. oh no, master bruce, i would never deny you the complete ownership experience of whatever the fuck this is that you thought would be a good idea this time. you go ahead and wash that yourself. two days later he’s got a sensible water bottle well-insulated enough that he doesn’t have to worry about condensation fucking up his grip. in an emergency it can be used as a bludgeon. robin has a water bottle but no one knows what it looks like because he never fucking brings it even though they have this conversation every goddamn night and it doesn’t matter if you get free slurpees from every gas station cashier you’ve ever saved from a robbery, that is not hydrating, drink some goddamn water and if you complain about having a headache later you’ll have only yourself to blame you horrible little sugar gremlin. ‘okay but which robin’ all of them, they are all like this, barbara and steph never have a problem with bringing some goddamn water like a sensible person, why are boys like this.

I bet he integrated one of those CamelBak backpacks into The Suit and he just has like a straw in his cowl

i’m sorry but i just cannot accept this, not only would this be even harder to clean than the canteen, but it would be a bunch of weight that he wouldn’t be able to leave in the batmobile, and it would constantly be absorbing his body heat and would probably be hot enough to make tea in. but most importantly the first time someone successfully stabbed his ass, maybe with an armor-piercing harpoon because he’s fighting some kind of moby dick themed asshole, he’s going to try to rehydrate afterwards and end up drinking what little water is left, mixed with his own blood. water’s going to leak out of his suit and make it look like he sweats like a literal firehose. the first time he even takes a really bad punch, or gets knocked into a big cement wall or whatever, that shit’s absolutely gonna spring a leak and just fill up the inside of his suit. just warm water flooding the whole thing. i want to give up crimefighting forever just thinking about how that would feel and i’ve never even fought a crime. he’s gonna dramatically walk away from a trash can with the batsuit hanging half out of it, not because he’s giving up on being batman, but because that suit is now full of a sort of slimy man-tea and it’s fucking ruined now, it’s tainted, no amount of alfred’s expertise will ever make that thing feel clean again.

time to relax and have some me time! *spends five hours clenching my jaw, chewing my lip, sweating, and shivering slightly while laying in bed compulsively refreshing websites*