a heartâs a                heavy burden
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@synchronizations
                a heartâs a                heavy burden
ofhotheads:

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The very mention of the ocean pushes everything else from his mind. No deserts, no lost memories - nothing. Itâs hard to compete with a manâs first love.
[ TEXT ] !!!!!!!!!!!!!! really?? [ TEXT ] i am a sailor, you know. [ TEXT ] we should go sailing! iâll find a boat. somehow. [ TEXT ] i havenât been on the water in aaaaaages. itâs been way too long.
TO: Sinbad. FROM: Dirk.
[ TEXT ] Yeah. [ TEXT ] Iâve never actually gone sailing or anything like that. [ TEXT ] I was just sort of surrounded by water when I was growing up. [ TEXT ] So I like swimming a lot, too. [ TEXT ] But we could do that. [ TEXT ] Some adventure sounds pretty sick, really.
i still smell you, distance aside still smell the rain, distance aside all the water that had kept me alive i will miss you, distance aside
I was listening to this song and made this to go along with it
    It catches the redhead off guard and for a moment, he has to wonder if he even heard it right. The reaction that comes out of him is delayed too, or maybe itâs just hesitation. Maybe Lavi is just scared to look at Dirk after such question, even though he shouldnât beâ there was no reason to. He doesnât know what prompted Dirk to ask such thing, doesnât understand what he says shortly after. It leaves the Bookman confused, and when he finally turns to look at the blonde, there is a strange feeling of relief when he notices Dirk wasnât looking at him.
    Maybe itâs because he can hesitate, maybe itâs because he was so unused to those kind of things that he worried his body would act in ways that werenât appropriate for the occasion.Â
    Yet, regardless, Lavi doesnât know how to answer. Doesnât at all know why Dirk would ask and say such thing.
    â Whaâ Of course I do! What are you talkinâ about, DirkkyâŚ? â Out of all the knowledge Lavi has, both from his job as the Bookman apprentice and simply from his hobby to learn new things, relationships and how to deal with them ( and the obstacles that could show up in their way ) was never something Lavi knew much about, if at all. He doesnât have much idea how to work with them, or how to behave in them, but not once he regretted being with Dirk. â Did I.. â And truthfully, when it came to him, Lavi had become way too soft, way too weak, in a way. â Did I do somethinâ to make ya think that? â
The response doesnât necessarily surprise you, but it also doesnât ease you as it probably wouldâve before all of this. Itâs been too long, honestly, and you arenât even sure whether you should be doing this. It wasnât fair to him, was it? You donât think so. But there are a lot of things that you think that apparently arenât right, as youâve learned. You need to try. More, harder, rely on others.
Be selfish sometimes.
âI..â you donât even know how to phrase this without feeling like itâs going to sound wrong, come out entirely opposite the way you want it to. Your hands lift again, the palms of your hands pressing to your eyes as they squeeze shut. Perfect time to get a headache. Not that you hadnât had one prior, but now it was absolute pounding.
Just what you needed. âI donât know,â it very nearly sounds desperate as much as you try to keep your voice even, a solid inhale before you sigh as steadily as you can manage. âItâs just hard to tell sometimes. When we donât talk for days,â a very, very hesitant pause, âwhen you fawn over pretty much every girl that talks to you. Itâs.. I donât know,â you donât even know where youâre going with this anymore, the words are coming out despite your brain telling you to stop, telling you to shut up, âJust go. Never mind. Donât worry about it.â

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Bold which ones apply to your muse; repost, donât reblog! Feel free to add your own or trim!
TAGGED BY: noone heh heh heh
you got two black eyes from lovinâ too hard // iâve learned love is like a brick: you can build a house or sink a dead body // the path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell right to the top; donât look back // well i donât show off, donât criticize; iâm just livinâ by my own feelings // if you only knew how hard it is to handle, how bad I want this scandal // thereâs never air to breathe, thereâs never in-betweens; these nightmares always hang on past the dream // iâll be the watcher of the eternal flame, iâll be the guard dog of all your fever dreams // rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun; early to bed, and youâll miss all the fun //Â i am so scared of what will kill me in the end for I am not prepared // those thoughts of past lovers, theyâll always haunt me; i wish i could believe youâd never wrong me // you can right all the wrongs just to feel you belong, but simply calling out sins donât bring you closer to god // i feel iâve come to realize how fast life can be compromised // the child without a name grew up to be the hand to watch you, to shield you or kill on demand // if you wanna start a fight, you better throw the first punch, make it a good one // dream of anything, iâll make it all come true // if you had thrown yourself down into the lionâs den, my brother, iâd follow you in // âcause the world might do me in; itâs alright âcause iâm with friends // fifty words for murder, and iâm every one of them // rotting like a wreck on the ocean floor, sinking like a siren that canât swim anymore // iâm a flower in your hair // you ever look up and just think you the only one, you gotta set yourself aside from the phony ones // iâve closed enough windows to know you can never look back // a backless dress and some beat up sneaks, my discotheque juliet teenage dream // they wonât catch us in the dark, roll like thunder, burn like stars // all that hate is gonna burn you up; it keeps me warm at night // i donât want to be the one the battles always choose // and i canât stop âtil the whole world knows my name // fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time // itâs hard to say that iâd rather stay awake when iâm asleep // call me crazy, i was born to make a mess // take these broken wings and learn to fly // if thereâs a bump in the road yeah you fix it, but for me iâll just run off the road // everything that kills me makes me feel alive // whatever happens, do the dance, do the dance // jumping up and down the floor, my head is an animal // spent my whole damn life trying to get things right // this is gospel for the vagabonds, ne'er-do-wells, and insufferable bastards // youâre part of a machine, you are not a human being // the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right?
TAGGING: anyone that wants to do this!
coleosseum
;)
    This isnât exactly something Lavi is good at; heâs at a loss of what to do or say or even if he should be there at all. He doesnât think he can be much of help, but the very idea of actually leaving leaves a sour taste in his mouth. He was good at cheering people upâ or thatâs what he wanted to believe. He was good at being reckless and careless and generally someone who brought a smile to peopleâs face, whether because Lavi was a genuinely funny person or just because he was stupid enough that people laughed at himâ but still laughed, nonetheless.
    There is a considerably long pause before the redhead speaks again. â Is it fine if I stay for a while, though? I can just, dunno, read or somethinâ. â
    He fidgets a bit on the bed and itâs clear that the Junior is somewhat uncomfortable with the whole thing; uncomfortable and unsure of what to do or say, but there were attempts. Maybe selfish ones, but it would be better than stay quiet. â I wonât bother ya or anything, but I figured some company would be nice, yâknow. â I missed you too, he wants to complement, but is too embarrassed too. â Unless youâd rather be alone? I can come back tomorrow. â
He asks to stay and thereâs a denial on the very tip of your tongue that you bite back-- that wouldnât be fair. You know you arenât being fair. To yourself, or to him. Fingers flex for a second before you find some strength to move your arm away from your eyes, blinking tiredly up at the dark ceiling above you. It really was nearly pitch black in here, wasnât it? âYou arenât bothering me,â you say, hesitantly, âyou could never bother me. Iâm glad you thought to stop by. Thanks.â
Itâs not all lies, at least. You donât like lying, you make a point not to, but these were your own issues. The fact that they were centered around Lavi-- it shouldnât matter. You should be able to handle it yourself. Right?
... Right?
âI do have something to ask you,â no, you werenât right, your way of thinking wasnât right, you knew that from the beginning. You need to rely on others. Itâs okay to ask for reassurance. Itâs okay to be angry with reason. But itâs not anger. Itâs annoyance, itâs jealousy, itâs inadequacy. It feels like what happened before, but worse. âDo you,â another hesitant pause, eyes focused intently on the ceiling still,
âDo you even still wanna be with me?â It comes out harsher than you intend it to-- the wording couldâve been better but it hurts, ââCause I gotta say, it doesnât really feel like it anymore.â
[ TEXT ] itâs funny. i think i went back to where i came from. [ TEXT ] i didnât remember any of this until i got back here, though.
Curious, yes. Not something he wants to dwell on at present, however.
[ TEXT ] iâve been pretty great, though! i traveled a lot more when i went back. [ TEXT ] have you ever seen a desert? [ TEXT ] also how have you been? have you been here this whole time?
TO: Sinbad. FROM: Dirk.
[ TEXT ] Oh yeah? [ TEXT ] I heard that you donât carry memories from this place if you happen to go back to your own world, so that makes sense.
It wasnât something you liked to think about.
[ TEXT ] I havenât. [ TEXT ] Seems too dry for me. I sort of like the ocean more. [ TEXT ] Not bad, though. [ TEXT ] Iâve been here this whole time, yeah. [ TEXT ] Iâve actually been in the city for almost a year now, I think?

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    All things considered, for the job and position he has as the Bookman Junior and all of that, for how silly and straight up dumb Lavi could be, he was still an observant personâ most of the time. There were things he was good at picking up ( body movements, mannerisms, things like that, things that mattered as an apprentice ), things he wasnât in the slightest ( feelings, anything that wasnât necessary for his training ), and heâs good at noticing that Dirk is acting slightly weird.Â
    He would have asked, sure, but before words even leave his mouth, the question had already been answered, in a way. Any bags the redhead had in hands were left on the floor, and all the cheerfulness that once took care of his entire being was replaced with worry.Â
    â Eh? Yer not feelinâ good? Are you sick? â Whatever minimal space he could find on the bed next to Dirk, Lavi settles down there. Thereâs obvious concern in his voice, much quieter and gentler than it had been previously. â Is there anythinâ I can get ya? â
You wait and you wait, it feels like all you ever do, until you hear some movement by the door. The rustling is what you assume to be him putting down the bags in his hands, and you hear the door creak gently and swing almost all the way shut. Really should try to fix that creaking one day, when you actually remembered it did that.
âI donât think Iâm sick,â you answer, tensing briefly when the bed sinks down beneath his added weight as he sits next to you. Your eyebrows furrow behind your arm too, orange eyes squeeze shut even despite the already complete darkness the shield of your arm provides you. This was the worst. You are the worst. Seriously.
This is absolute shit. âNo, you donât have to worry about it,â itâs mumbled, quieter than before considering how close he is now, âThanks for stopping by, though. Sorry Iâm not feelinâ up to much right now.â Or at all, lately.Â
You really are the worst.
@synchronizations
[ TEXT ] hey
[ TEXT ] miss me?
TO: Sinbad. FROM: Dirk.
[ TEXT ] There are a few ways I could answer that. [ TEXT ] Weâll settle for âyeahâ.
Smooth.
[ TEXT ] Youâve been gone a while. [ TEXT ] Howâve you been?
    â Ooooooooooooi, Dirkky! â He doesnât knock as much as doesnât really call or text. Does that mean he would have to walk around to find out where Dirk could possibly be? Yes, but at times, Lavi likes to surprise him with an unaccounted visit. His apartment wasnât really his first choice, but when one of Dirkâs roommates confirms he was in his room, Lavi tries not to be too loud when he enters the room.
    â Yer sleepinâ? â That was more of a joke than an actual question ( dirk barely sleeps, he remembers ). â Câmon, itâs time to wake up! Hope ya donât mind me cominâ uninvited. â Even though he was sure he would always be invited over. â I have been starvinâ all day, so I decided to buy some warm stuff and share with ya! I feel like we havenât talked in so long. Whatâs up with that, right? âÂ
@synchronizations
Itâs not that you were sleeping, no. Youâd just sort of.. well, lacked the energy it wouldâve taken for you to get yourself out of bed. Not that it was anything new, but you hadnât felt this awful in quite a while. It was more draining than you really remember, and the arm draped over your eyes keeps out any light that could possibly filter into the darkness of your room.Â
And, of course, youâd heard him coming from a mile away.
Lavi is definitely not the quietest person on the face of the planet, but you hardly think the yelling is necessary. You hear the door open and his voice quiets down when he steps inside, thankfully, but.. you still donât feel like moving. The offer sounds tempting, sure, but the words that follow and even the question are almost infuriating.
âI donât mind,â itâs flat, monotonous as usual, but you donât pull your arm from over your eyes. You donât.. want to look at him. Your eyes always betrayed you, and you really didnât want to talk about it. â.. Iâm not feeling all that great. Youâre welcome to stay, if you want to, though,â the offer is there, at least, despite lacking any feeling behind it.
âHyuup!â I dk.. a battle situation? maybe on instinct?? or maybe he got hurt shrugs
âSeriously, Iâm fine,â thereâs insistence in your normally flat tone and even you can hear it; thereâs no way thatâs going to be convincing whatsoever. And the look the older man levels you with says more than well enough that he doesnât believe you in the slightest.
Thereâs a pause on your behalf and you look down; youâd already run out of flight time, so that was out of the question too. Ugh.
Your arms lift in defeat and you bite back the hiss of pain that shoots up your leg when Oz lifts you-- âReally, bridal style?â Itâs obviously the easiest way, one that puts less strain on the both of you and your leg, but God, âThis sucks.â
âHyuup!â
And there you go, yet again, your feet leaving the ground entirely without your permission. What is with people and invading your personal space lately? To pick you up, of all things. Maybe this was the final sign you needed to recognize the fact that you needed to start eating properly.
If a girl almost a foot shorter than you can pick you up with literally no issue-- well, something here was clearly wrong.
â...â you arenât even sure what to say here. âDo me a favor,â you say, finally, âand put me down.â

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âHyuup!â
At some point, you arenât sure when that specific point is despite your knack for remembering most things, you end up-- well. This wasnât something youâd expected, today or tomorrow or any fucking day at all.
âUh,â itâs a short sound, entirely awkward, lanky legs folded over one of your bosses arms. What-- why? What? âSo,â a pause, âany particular reason you saw the need to pick me up?â
Another pause.
âEspecially like this?â Sort of embarrassing.
Send âHyuup!â for my museâs reaction to being picked up bridal style by yours.