you have to understand that my body does not work by default. āohhh so many medications means so many chemicals inside you. i could neverā well if i did not take these things i would not be able to function. i respect and have made peace with the chemical. Get out of my face
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I've had a friend in the past tell me how her definition of 'home' isn't simply a house, but to be living and existing with someone you treasure. Or well, I'm paraphrasing, but it was something to that effect.
And I think about it a lot because I think at the time when she said it, I just kind of nodded like, "Yeah, I can see what you mean." but after a while, I think it's clicked more with me.
The current house I live in with my mom and stepdad? It just never felt right to call it "home". It doesn't feel like a home to me. I don't feel like I belong here or am a resident.
Sure it's where I go back to the end of the day. It's where I do take up residence and live a majority of my life.
But I just have this constant feeling of being an intruder into a life that would flow on better if I left.
I really hope someday I'm able to afford and be able to find my home and be with the people I want to be around. Because I think that'll improve my life by a lot.
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I absolutely adore Ryland Grace and think he is one of the funniest and sweetest protags I've seen, but my god I'm glad he lost the sexiest tumblr man poll because that man does NOT embody anything about the term.
I know a lot of people have probably already said something similar, I'm clearly not the first, but I'm backing up the fact by comparing it to "hear me outs".
The fun of hear me outs, from my understanding, is that it's usually something people would be surprised you'd hear someone say. And usually? They aren't human, for starters. Much less a humanoid character.
Don't get me wrong, they can still be humanoid or human. I feel like Tenna fits the theme well because he's very cartoon-esque in his design and well, of course has a tv for a head. (Not to mention he wears a suit and god does tumblr love a man in a suit)
And Senshi, while a dwarf, fits because he's not just some conventionally attractive man that you'd see on the street and be like, "would". (He's still a very handsome man! I'm fully aware people still "would" but this is looking at men in a lens of society as a whole.)
But I mean, characters like Bill Cipher or Raymond from Animal Crossing. These are character that most people are probably going to look at them and think, "How the hell are you attracted to that?" Except if you're on tumblr because let's face it, I'll otherwise have a shit ton of people on here like, "BUT I FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE!" Yeah, because you're here. Of course you do.
And no, human designs of the characters shouldn't fucking count! Because that's not the point! We are finding the freakiest, weirdest looking blorbos and saying, "You don't have to pretty him up, I'd want him in my bed with the lights on so I could admire him while I pound him into the mattress."
Anyway, I'm derailing. Point is that Grace just doesn't fit the category because Ryan Gosling himself is a conventionally attractive man that was made to look "hollywood handsome" for the role. He's not a good fit and honestly, he should've gotten disqualified from the whole contest, if I'm being honest.
That said, if it had been Rocky? Then yeah, perfect. The rock bug fits into the criteria and would've been the better pick of winner.
But it is what it is and the contest is over, so...
Summary: Ragatha is new to the circus and feeling uneasy but an instance makes her realise that not every potential parental figure will treat her like her mother.
Ragatha has recently joined the circus and had mostly gotten used to her new surroundings. She was feeling uneasy and panicky since still.
āSince this is your first food here..ā The man raised his cup forward,ā Cheers!ā
She was still jittery and cautious but knew what she was expected to do. Ā Ragatha brought her cup forward and the touching of their cups made a faint āclinkā sound.
But before the ragdoll could bring the cup to her lips, it slipped from her fingers and spilled all over the table; some even splashed into Kingerās cup.
Her eyes widened, she stumbled back in fear of how he would react. Her throat closed up and tears started forming in her eyes. āI d-didnāt mean to do that, I really didnāt Iām sorry-āshe blurted with all the courage she could muster.
Kinger stood up and slightly stepped towards her but she instinctually stepped away. He understood that he should give her some space and thus sat back down.
She was mentally preparing to hear shouting, yelling, berating insults- but she received none. Instead she heard in a calm tone- āItās no big deal, we can sit somewhere else and I can get you another hot chocolateā¦if you want another one.ā
If he had lips they wouldāve been curled in a soft smile.
She blinked away tears unsuccessfully.āReally-ly, itās ok?ā
āYes, itās ok. It takes time to adapt to this place and everyone makes mistakes.ā
She blinked and stared in disbelief with a hint of shock.
The doll sensed no danger so then she placed her soft, plushy hand on her chest and took a few deep breathes to calm her digital nerves and racing heart.
A few minutes later she slowly stepped forward, face damp with tears and sat down without making eye contact. But Ragathaās breathes were fast and even. Ā Since the laws of physics donāt apply here, the spilled drink had already disappeared without a trace.
His hand reached out to wipe her face but stopped mid way as he didnāt want to violate any personal boundaries or scare her. It took a moment but she realized this and wiped her tears.
āKind offer but Iād like to get my drink myself,ā she said her voice barely above a whisper.
āSure, as you wish.ā He nodded. āIf you need any help Iām here.ā
She tottered away with not much desire to get another drink, more so to process what happened.
āItās okā are words she hasnāt heard from any parental figure since who knows how long. She may not know much about this wacky world or how to get out but she does know that she has someone who is calm, patient and very different from her mother.
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I don't know, I keep thinking about how Swansea mentions that he tried to do all the "right things". Went sober, married his wife, had kids and tried to have a fulfilling life.
And at the end, as he's telling Jimmy all of this, he admits to the fact that his happiest days were still when he'd get drunk.
It's just...very sad.
I mean, being in my later 30s, I have a better understanding of why the world seems so bleak compared to my teens and younger 20s. When I was younger, I was so much more like Daisuke. Positive and full of hope. I just figured, "Things will get better. I like to think they always do." and as you get older...it really gets harder to tell yourself that.
But man, just going through the motions of doing what you think will make you happy and what you think is the betterment of your life, only to realize it didn't even improve it and instead makes you reflect on the fact that you're just far more miserable as you are than when you were in a state of constant inebriation and "without an ounce of care".
It's so disheartening.
Anya and Daisuke are definitely on the top of my list as "I wish things had been better for them", but Swansea definitely gets a close second because while he's not the best person and very much has a rougher exterior than the other two, I would've liked to have seen him go on more years and actually find something in life that would've made him happy. Something that didn't come from a bottle.
