an independent, selective, and private roleplay blog for WARDEN SURANA of dragon age: origins. my name is bean (30s, they/she) and i will be your guide! don’t hesitate to approach with questions or plot ideas. i want it all. guidelines are below the cut; everything else is on carrd!
&& my revolution begins in the body. it isn’t waiting anymore. it may be gradual and soft. it may be spontaneous and loud. my revolution is not violent, but it does not shy away from the dangerous edges where fierce displays of resistance tumble into something new. (x)
▍ ❝ GENERAL.
SELECTIVE AND PRIVATE. this means i’m particular about who i follow and i will only write with mutuals. NOT SPOILER FREE. NO GODMODDING, metagaming, etc. I SHIP CHEMISTRY, and i do not force ships because i’m not a monster. EXCLUSIVITY IS RARE but not unheard of so you can find my mains/exclusives list here
▍ ❝ PLEASE DO.
BREAK YOUR REPLIES FOR ME UP INTO SMALLER PARAGRAPHS if we write together, as my adhd makes hugelong paragraphs difficult to read; ASK ME TO TAG YOUR TRIGGERS if i’ve neglected to do so (whether i’m following you back or not); LIKE MY STARTER CALLS, send me memes, turn my meme replies into threads (if we are mutuals); SHOWER ME IN PLOT IDEAS and ooc chatter; HAVE PATIENCE with me on all of the above; FEEL FREE TO UNFOLLOW ME at any time for any reason, as i will be reserving the right to do so myself
▍ ❝ PLEASE DO NOT.
USE SUBSMALL TEXT or multiple spaces between words in our threads as i find both difficult to read; UNFOLLOW/REFOLLOW to get my attention (it won’t be the kind of attention you’re hoping for); EXPECT ANY KIND OF IMMEDIACY FROM ME IC OR OOC. i love making friends via roleplay, but i’m one smol nerd just trying to have a good time and i won’t stress myself out by trying to keep up with everything at once. just know it’s not personal, and i’ll get back to you as soon as i have the energy.
▍ ❝ I WILL GLADLY.
TAG NSFW AND TRIGGERS appropriately and accommodate those who ask to the best of my abilities; WELCOME LGBTQIA+ HEADCANONS; USE MY SHITPOST TAG (#blacklist for less soft nonsense.) on most of my inane ooc content so feel free to block it, that’s what it’s there for
▍ ❝ I WILL TRY.
TO REMEMBER IF YOU DON'T LIKE TO BE REBLOGGED FROM, but please note that I have ADHD and may forget. Often and repeatedly. (A bit more info about this can be found here.) If being reblogged from on the reblogging website really bothers you, please feel free to block me as needed.
▍ ❝ I WILL NOT.
FOLLOW BLOGS THAT DON’T HAVE ANY RULES OR GUIDELINES set up; exceptions to this are reserved for muns i already know aka those whose boundaries i’m already familiar with; FOLLOW MANY BLOGS THAT INCLUDE CHARACTERS from game of thrones and/or house of the dragon, as i’m just not comfortable having a lot of ASOIAF content on my dash; exceptions to this are typically reserved for people i already know and/or multimuse blogs that include other fandoms/muses i’m interested in
▍ ❝ MUNDANE.
MY NAME IS BEAN/BEE. they/she. 30s, neurodivergent, and twelve different kinds of anxious but i’m working on it. I’M WHITE. in the event that i fuck up and/or swerve out of my lane, i invite my friends and followers of color—or fellow white folks who are wiser than me—to let me know. i can and will do better.
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one of my favorite zevran headcanons is that he breaks into vigil’s keep every time he visits just so he can tell the warden where the defenses need bolstering.
another of my favorite zevran headcanons is that he struggles a little to pick locks because his fine motor skills were fucked up by the torture he endured during his crow training. he can still do it, it just takes him a little longer than leliana because his hands sometimes shake or twitch.
“maker, forgive us for the dozen or so extremely annoying bastards we're about to send to your side.” mei draws her staff as she speaks, eyes flickering to and fro as she takes stock of how many red templars are charging forth. “it's them or us—i think you'll agree we made the right choice.” — @lilacvows (lark) / sc.
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“in the fade, you should believe nothing you hear and only half that you see.” mei kept her staff in her hands, prepared for whatever the circle tower might throw at them. “y'know...just in case we end up there.” — @bloodlaurel (serra) / sc.
❛ i can't be the person you want me to be. ❜
❛ i can't be the only one fighting for this. ❜
❛ i can't be the reason you hate yourself. ❜
❛ i can't do this anymore, but i don't know how to stop. ❜
❛ i can't do this if you don't trust me. ❜
❛ i can't hate you, and that's the worst part. ❜
❛ i can't keep loving a ghost. ❜
❛ i can't keep waiting for you to choose me. ❜
❛ i can't look at you the same way anymore. ❜
❛ i can't lose you, too. ❜
❛ i can't make you love me. ❜
❛ i can't sleep without thinking about what happened. ❜
❛ i can't stop thinking about the way you left. ❜
❛ i can't tell you the truth without losing you. ❜
❛ i can't tell you to stay when i know you want to leave. ❜
❛ can't you hear yourself? ❜
❛ can't you just do me this one favor? ❜
❛ can't you lie to me, just this once? ❜
❛ can't you please just listen? ❜
❛ can't you see that i'm trying? ❜
❛ can't you stay, just for tonight? ❜
❛ can't you stop pushing me away for five seconds? ❜
❛ can't you tell i'm scared? ❜
❛ can't you understand that i needed you? ❜
❛ can't we go back to before everything changed? ❜
❛ can't we just be friends? ❜
❛ can't we just have one normal night? ❜
❛ can't we pretend, just for a little while longer? ❜
❛ can't we try again? ❜
❛ you can't ask me to stay after everything you did. ❜
❛ you can't decide how you want me now. ❜
❛ you can't erase what happened. ❜
❛ you can't fix this with an apology. ❜
❛ you can't just show up here without calling first. ❜
❛ you can't keep punishing me for surviving. ❜
❛ you can't leave like that and expect me to still be here when you come back. ❜
❛ you can't love someone only when it's easy. ❜
❛ you can't promise forever when you can't even promise tomorrow. ❜
❛ you can't save me from this. ❜
❛ you can't say you love me and then disappear. ❜
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Nat laughs again at that – the lake was admittedly funny, even though the roguish dwarf lacked the ability to swim herself and wouldn’t have fared any better. Until very recently, they’d never seen the sun, or so much water in one place, or anything but rock and dirt and dust.
To call this shit ‘weird’ would be an understatement.
“Ha. Well, I’ll put it like this: the sky ain’t a fraction as bad as everyone says. Hasn’t crushed us yet, and honestly? I think I like it. It’s… pretty. Better than Orzammar, anyway. That place was a fuckin’... ugh.”
She’d rather not think about it. It’s not that there’s nothing left for her there – fuck, if she thinks too hard, she’ll start to miss Rica again. But there’s nothing left for her in Orzammar besides Rica.
Frustrated, the dwarf readjusts her position on the ground. She should probably shut up, but something in them itches to keep talking, curious to see if Mei will understand.
“Honestly, it’s not strange. It’s like… shit, how did I go without the sun and actual air for eighteen years? I dunno if that’ll make sense. Maybe it will for you? What’s the circle even like?”
mei chuckles along with nat; there's no denying it was a funny moment, likely even funnier from the outside looking on. the mage thinks of the dropping sensation in her stomach the moment she lost her balance and knew for sure she was going into the glassy waters. she didn't even mind getting choked by her own robes for a moment if it meant she got to avoid drowning.
“the sky itself never falls, it's the stuff that falls from it you have to worry about,” mei jokes. it's been years since she felt the rain on her skin or caught a snowflake in her cupped hands. part of her is looking forward to it. “usually it's just water, though. so nothing inherently dangerous...”
mei tilts her head, watching the dwarf's expression change as they think on something. she can't help noting that natia doesn't seem to hold very much love for where she came from. maybe they have that in common.
“no, i know exactly what you mean. we weren't really allowed out of the tower at all as apprentices.” and almost the moment she finished her harrowing, mei was thrown into the dungeons on suspicions of blood magic. “it's been ten years since i properly felt the sun on my face, or grass under my feet...”
she inhales deeply. “smell that fresh air, without the musk of a thousand ancient books!” mei exhales, shoulders dropping slightly despite her smile. “plus, i think being cooped up feels different when you don't have any other choice, right? and now, i'm free!” a pause. “well, free-ish. joining the wardens, and all.”
The darkspawn were ugly creatures, vile and morbid. They were unlike anything Eluvia had experienced before and her studies hadn't prepared her for the reality of battling them. Then again, she supposed nothing ever could prepare her.
She stared down at the corpse at her feet, taking in the sight of its twisted features before looking up at Mei's words. "Huh?" She blinked, taking a moment to process what the other mage had said.
"Oh. Of course." She flashed her a dazzling smile, ignoring the disgust and distaste in her gut. "I was just thinking about what we could possibly need all this darkspawn blood for."
despite playing it relatively cool, mei was also quite disturbed by the monstrosity of the darkspawn. no chantry story could've prepared her for the way they snarled and gnashed their teeth, or the way they smelled so strongly of some kind of rot so ancient the only word that made any sense applied to it was the only one they had: blight. she'd be happy to get back behind ostagar's crumbling walls.
“i wish they'd tell us more about that...” clutching her staff close, mei lowered her voice conspiratorially. “i think maybe if i can get alistair in a headlock, we could convince him to spill it.” she smiled aside at eluvia, clearly kidding. “i just hate the secrecy, you know? feels like the damn harrowing all over again.” and she'd despised being thrown into a test she didn't know how to study for, however exceptionally she'd passed it.
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𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲, though she still kept her distance. poisons were far more her speed, but she could recognize certain herbs well enough. a few even grew in the little dirt and grass patches that interrupted all of denerim's cobblestone, if you could keep them safe from being trampled over.
' you should save your herbs for more important things. i haven't had many nightmares. ' if only for the fact she didn't sleep much at all anymore. furrowing her brow, she moved to idly draw shapes in the dirt around the fire. ' ... i sleep better with real walls. '
eyeing the other elf thoughtfully, mei flicked the little ball of sticky elfroot residue into the fire, then quickly plucked the last few leaves from the stem and dropped them into the bowl. then shrugging, she discarded the stem into the fire as well and took up her chosen makeshift pestle—an especially smooth rock that fit her palm just right that she'd found outside of lothering and done her best to scrub clean in a brook.
“then it might be just what you need.” and after a pause: “i'll keep an eye out for the herbs. just in case.” mei only knew enough about poisons to recognize which herbs could be used to brew them. actually mixing anything more potent than a health poultice was something she'd been meant to learn if she'd gotten to be a teen under her own mother's care.
palming the stone in her right hand, mei started crushing and crushing the leaves in her bowl. “i think i know what you mean. in the tower, the apprentices slept in dormitories together. i got very used to the sound of other people sleeping. moving around. snoring. babbling, sometimes...”
and then there was the sound of the templars always doing their rounds, heavy-metal footsteps beating out a warning on the stone floors... mei shivered. “the sounds are so different out here. it's taking some getting used to.”
