He said hi to me first. I already got him. He's mine.

Corpse pulled his face out of Sykkuno’s neck and met his eyes. Sykkuno continued to rub his lower back gently.

“Feeling any better?” Sykkuno asked softly. Corpse nodded.

“Yeah. Thanks for driving over, Sy. I know you’re tired from streaming Rust and getting ready to move,” Corpse said.

“It’s alright. I didn’t want to leave you alone with the way your anxiety was flaring up,” Sykkuno said.

“Thank you,” Corpse said and sighed and gave a small smile. Sykkuno smiled back.

“Your smile is, um, it’s nice,” Sykkuno said and blushed. Corpse’s smile widened a bit and Sykkuno rubbed his thumb on the scar on his chin.

“Liar,” Corpse said despite the smile, his self hatred was thick.

“Not a lie,” Sykkuno said, “You’re quite handsome.”

“I am not. And you cannot say that, Sy. You’re even more adorable in person,” Corpse said and Sykkuno looked away.

“Liar,” Sykkuno said. Corpse chuckled and the sound sent butterflies through Sykkuno’s stomach. He glanced up and their eyes met again and everything seemed to stop. Corpse’s eyes dropped to Sykkuno’s lips for a moment before glancing back up and Sykkuno wasn’t sure who started leaning in first. At the last second, Corpse turned his face away and Sykkuno’s nose brushed against his cheekbones.

“Corpse?” Sykkuno breathed.

“You’re straight,” Corpse whispered.

“Only to please my parents. They’re disappointed enough to say I’m a streamer, they don’t want to have to say their son is a gay streamer,” Sykkuno said.

“No. You’re straight,” Corpse said, like he was trying to convince himself.

“I’m not. You, however, are,” Sykkuno said, but with the way Corpse had been looking at him, he had been able to fool himself into thinking Corpse felt the same. Had been falling these past four months just like Sykkuno had been.

“I’m scared,” Corpse said.

“You have no reason to be scared around me,” Sykkuno said, breath still against Corpse’s cheek.

“Don’t you see, Sykkuno? That’s what scares me the most. That I’m not scared around you,” Corpse said and he fisted his hands in Sykkuno’s hoodie. “I was straight. I thought I was. But then I met you and suddenly I’m not sure. I just know my heart skips a beat when we talk. I think about you. I watch your streams and I feel safe. I trust you. And when I’m alone it terrifies me because I thought I was secure in my heterosexuality and now I’ve lost that too.”

“I’m sorry,” Sykkuno said.

“No. Don’t apologize. Everything changed last year but in the end, it was for the better, I think,” Corpse said.

“I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Especially not you,” Sykkuno said and Corpse pulled back to look for him and in the dim light, Sykkuno could see his eyes searching for the lie in his words. “I like you, Corpse. I assumed it would always be unrequited and it hurt. A lot. But keeping quiet was better than saying something and losing you.”

“Agreed,” Corpse said and before either of them could say anything more, he leaned forward to kiss Sykkuno. Sykkuno made a noise of surprise and he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands before he reached up and slipped a hand into Corpse’s curls and kept the other on his lower back. He tilted his head to angle the kiss better, and Corpse took the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

They kissed for what felt like hours, actions saying what they had been terrified to put into words. The kisses were passionate, desperate, they couldn’t get enough of each other. Sykkuno learned Corpse loved having his hair tugged, and his groan did things to Sykkuno’s insides. Corpse seemed to know all of Sykkuno’s sensitive spots like his heart had had a map to them all along, and seemed to be equally egged on by Sykkuno’s moans and whines, especially when he reached the sensitive spots along his collarbone. Eventually, Sykkuno tugged Corpse’s hair hard enough to pull him away from his neck. They looked at each other for a minute and then Sykkuno kissed him, just a couple short and chaste kisses and he could tell Corpse was trying not to try to chase his lips.

“Wow,” Corpse said and Sykkuno giggled.

“Indeed,” He said. Corpse leaned their foreheads together and giggled for a minute. “I really like you, Corpse. I know it’s scary. Trust me, I know. I’m scared too and I feel so horrible that I leave the state on Friday. But I want to try to figure us out. If you want to.”

“I do too. I don’t normally like long distance but I don’t normally like people for people like I do you so I want to try this. As long as you promise me that you like me. Even after I opened up today?” Corpse said. Sykkuno met his eyes.

“Of course not. Your parent’s physical and emotional abuse and neglect was not your fault, never, ever your fault. You had a hard life and you pushed through it. You are so handsome and kind and I wish you showed yourself an ounce of kindness. I miss you when you aren’t in lobbies and I worry about your health and even now I am terrified of being close to you without me being tested for COVID. But I could never get enough of this. Of you. We’ll make this work. I like you and I don’t see that changing anytime soon,” Sykkuno said.

“Good, I’m glad, because neither do I,” Corpse said, “And this is worth the risk of you not being tested.”

“We’ll see,” Sykkuno said softly. Corpse nuzzled into his neck.

“I’ll be fine. Live a little, Sy,” He said and chuckled when Sykkuno squirmed at the air on his neck. “Sensitive?”

“You now know I am,” Sykkuno said and Corpse laughed more. They stretched out on the sofa, Corpse’s head on Sykkuno’s chest and Sykkuno playing with Corpse’s curls. “I can live a little if you’re alive. I mean that in a lot of ways.”

“I know. And it’s getting better,” Corpse assured, “Everyday I find more to live for. And now I have you.”

“I’m glad. And I’m still only a call away even if I am in Vegas. We’ll figure out how to be comfortable in our sexualities. If we have each other, there’s no reason to be scared because that’s all we need. And when numbers go down, we can travel back and forth easier. We’ll make us work,” Sykkuno said.

Somehow, Corpse becomes friends with Sykkuno’s group(Toast, Rae, Leslie, Tina, etc.) and Corpse is open about his shitty life. Anxiety, medical issues, a runaway father, extended family who makes it clear he’s the black sheep of the family, girls who dated him just for sex, but dropped him when they realized his baggage. And Sykkuno hates them all, for how they treated Corpse, who deserves nothing but love and gentleness. His warmth is barely hidden behind his dark clothes. He wants to be loved, wants to love, Sykkuno can see it like a beacon in the darkness. And he knows Corpse wants it with him.

And Sykkuno never thought he’d be in a friends with benefits relationship, but he also knows that Corpse doesn’t think he deserves love. Deserves the traditional relationship Sykkuno has sworn by. He knows Corpse needs time to be shown that he’ll stay when everyone else has left him. It’ll take time, and somehow(Read: I still need to come up with it), they fall into bed together and become friends with benefits.

At first, it’s in the dark or in the dim lamp light. Corpse doesn’t take off his face mask except for when he’s between Sykkuno’s legs, where Sykkuno can’t see his face. The sex is rougher that Sykkuno is used to, more vanilla than what Corpse is used to, but they meet in the middle. Their biggest shared kink is dirty talk, Sykkuno loves hearing filth in Corpse’s deep voice. Corpse loves hearing well-mannered Sykkuno who never even swears turn vulgar and knowing it’s because of how well Corpse is fucking him is even better.

But then one night, in the pitch dark, Corpse asks if he can kiss Sykkuno. Sykkuno is confused, because Corpse doesn’t kiss, it’s too intimate for him with his facial insecurities. Corpse repeats himself, and Sykkuno agrees, and is shocked when lips press against his. And after a month of sex without kissing, the kiss is intoxicating. They start kissing all the time. In windowless rooms in their shops on lunch. Corpse has every light turned off in his apartment before Sykkuno arrives so they can kiss right away, they can’t get enough of each other’s lips.

One evening, they’re just chilling in the living room, on their phones, when Corpse says he wants to show Sykkuno his face, and Sykkuno agrees. He can sense the nerves radiating off of Corpse and is proud that they got to that point. He knows how huge this is, and he’s patient as Corpse works up the nerve. And when Corpse takes off his mask, he’s shocked at the way Sykkuno looks at him. With reverence, likes his face is the most beautiful thing Sykkuno has ever seen, like he’s the most precious thing to Sykkuno. With Corpse’s permission, Sykkuno touches his face, touches like a feather like he’s made out of a porcelain that will crumble if he touches too hard(And he is porcelain. And Sykkuno knows it and knows how to not push too much, but lets Corpse decide the pace of their relationship). It’s one of the most powerful moments in Corpse’s life and some part of him knows that Sykkuno is the real thing. The one who won’t leave. And Sykkuno is so in love, so honored that Corpse trusts him.

After that night, things change. They spend nights eating takeout and talking, going out for walks, flirting at the cafe in between their shops. They go see movies, have inside jokes. Sykkuno doesn’t judge him when Corpse’s anxiety spikes and he wears a mask even when it’s just the two of them. His arms are a safe place that eases anxiety and insecurities. Corpse listens to Sykkuno talk about flowers and how he fell out with his parents a bit when he decided to go full time at the flower shop instead of using his math degree. They’re less friends with benefits and more dating without a label.

Nine months into their arrangement, Corpse’s illnesses/pain is flaring up. He lets Sykkuno see him in pain-vulnerable. And then he has to go to some family function and the next time Sykkuno sees him, it’s clear his anxiety is extremely high. Sykkuno knows all his tells. That week is very tense, and one night, Corpse picks a fight. Yells over something trivial. It’s unlike him, but thankfully Sykkuno knows what this is. Corpse is daring Sykkuno to leave, to be like everyone else who left. It’s a test. So he stays calm. Refuses to get off the couch when Corpse tells him to leave. Corpse goes to wash dishes, and comes back shy, embarrassed by his actions, Sykkuno just opens his arms and Corpse runs into them, cries. He’s fearful and in pain-physically and emotionally. He feels powerless. But he has Sykkuno. He can’t doubt him anymore. Sykkuno will stay, and will love him through every rough patch.

Sykkuno is by his side at doctor’s appointments, gives his opinions on the options Corpse is presented with, and in the end, they decide on a slightly risky surgery. A few nights before the surgery, Sykkuno confesses to his unspoken feelings. They both know them, but they’ve never said it. He doesn’t want Corpse to go into surgery without making things official between them. So, he confesses to being in love with Corpse-that he’s loved him for months now- and asks him out. It is the easiest decision of Corpse’s life. Yes. Yes, he wants to make things official. Yes, he loves Sykkuno too. And he trusts Sykkuno.