I swear you had a post talking about a headcanon that Coyle’s mom having a miscarriage but I cannot find it. You recently insinuated that mom Coyle and dad Coyle weren’t really having sex after he came back from the military and Coyle became the new man of the house and that’s when the real csa started. So was the miscarriage prior to the military or was the pregnancy from something a lot darker…?
Warning: CSA, incest, inbreeding, miscarriage
I do have a post about her having a miscarriage, but it was more so me briefly mentioning it in a much larger post about his childhood, so that’s probably why you can’t find it. She had multiple miscarriages at different points in time, I think I mentioned that, but I’m not sure. Leland was an accident, they didn’t mean to have him, because they weren’t in a financially stable situation since they got married straight out of high school, his parents were high school sweethearts, so they were going to wait at least a little while longer.
Once Leland got a little bit older, his parents tried for another kid (prior to the military) but she miscarried, and that led to her feeling very discouraged and resenting Leland a little bit more. They tried again once his father was out of the military, like, fresh out of the military, so things hadn’t gotten as bad just yet with his drinking. She carried this one for longer, before ultimately miscarrying again. Leland’s father had already started drinking heavily by this point, so he was blackout drunk when the miscarriage happened, meaning Leland had to help his mother.
She made no more attempts at getting pregnant after this, having decided that God didn’t want for her to have more children, and she leaned more heavily on Leland after this; especially since he was the one there for her, and he was becoming the only person she had as her husband become more and more distant. This was definitely a point where the sexual abuse became more frequent, and the incest (not just physical, but emotional) became more prominent, with her trying to get Leland to normalize what they did together. She was barely involved with her husband, she was running the whole house, and leaving “manly” responsibilities (such as the farm) to Leland, seeing as he had unwillingly become the man of the house.
She did become pregnant one final time when Leland was in his teen years, and she tells herself it was her husband’s baby, her husband tells himself that, and that’s what Leland was told, but it’s debatable if that really was the case. This one was stillborn, incredibly early and it happened at home, and she treated it like it was a blessing, and that part never sat right with Leland, seeing as she was so distraught over the miscarriages. The thing was buried in the backyard and never talked about, and Leland never got to even see it properly; he knew something must’ve been wrong with how it looked. On some level, he knows it might’ve been his, that it probably was, but he doesn’t like to think too much about it. He’s willing to believe the comfortable lie of it not being his, because he’d blame himself for it. It would be his fault, he let himself get taken advantage of, he didn’t fight back hard enough, so a baby would’ve been his fault- not his mother’s fault- because the man has to take responsibility.
This is part of the reason Leland never tried for kids later in life. The primary reason was because he always intended on killing his wives, but he never planned to kill the first one- that was on accident. He really wanted to appear normal with that first marriage, wanted to get away from his family, even if he never loved her, but he couldn’t bring himself to even think about trying for kids. It felt wrong, it made him think about his mother (he had that problem with most of his wives making him think about his mother) and about her miscarriages, about the chance that he almost had a kid under those circumstances, and it makes him feel gross, makes him feel judged by God, so he never humored the idea of trying for children. He felt like God gave him a glimpse at parenthood, and it was meant to deter him. He’s not a man who should have a family.
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