i want people to unknow me

i would like to be the kindest version of myself

This looks like the start of a very questionable gay porno

went to the grocery store yesterday and saw they had some cheddar cheese on sale. i noticed a middle aged woman filling her entire hand basket with these discounted aged cheddar blocks, hand movements frantic and eyes set with determination. i reached over and grabbed a block from the discount bin. she snapped out of her reverie and quietly asked “do you want some more?” i said no i only want one block. she looked horrified. are you sure, she asked. yeah, i responded, plunking the block in next to my spinach. she began explaining that she and her friends really like this particular cheese. she sounded horrified. she was stumbling on her own words. i left quickly, feeling like i walked into something i shouldnt have seen. a private moment between this woman and her cheeses. i hope she is doing okay and is eating her cheese. 

actually im eating my cheese now and honestly i understand her, this cheese SLAPS

Ig: @stargirll

A girl I liked convinced me to stab a man, so I did. Felt guilty for a bit, then promptly forgot about it and walked around with the murder weapon for a couple of hours, going about my business, walking my dog. Eventually I was cornered by a plainclothes police officer who asked me why I had a bloody knife; I told him I was looking after it for my bogan cousin. He said, “You’re under arrest,” and I was like,, “No, I’m not, watch this,” and then I woke up.

that’s a goddamned power move

I’m too romantic and unrealistic