fun4me

This is a question I have been asked over and over throughout my years here, on Tumblr. I'm happy to announce that I finally have my official answer:

Question: How long should I wait before I submit to a dominant?

Answer: As long as it takes to answer these questions:

What is his first, middle, and last name? What's his cell number? What is his physical address? When was he born? Where did he grow up? What are his e-mail addresses? What are all his social media spaces? What is his direct family makeup? What are the names of his siblings? What are his relationships with his siblings like? Where is he in the birth order? Are his parents still alive? What is his relationship with his parents like? Does he have children? How many children does he have? What are the ages of his children? What are his children's names? Has he ever owned pets? Does he currently have any pets? What types of animals are they? How many pets does he have? How long has he had them? What are the names of his pets? How does he feel about his pets? If he doesn't have pets, does he keep plants? Does he work? What does he do for work? Where does he work? Does he like what he does for work? How much does he work? What is the physical address of his workplace? How long has he worked there? How does he commute to work? What is his current commute to work like? Does he own a car? What kind of car does he own? What are his hobbies outside of the lifestyle? Does he read? What are his favorite books? Does he watch TV? What are his favorite shows? Does he watch movies? What are his favorite films? Does he listen to music? Has he been to concerts? What is his favorite genre of music? What is his current favorite song? Does he watch sports? What are his favorite sports to watch? What are his favorite teams What kind of student was he growing up? Where did he go to high school? Did he go to college? Where did he go to college? What kind of degree(s) did he receive from college? What was his college experience like? What have his relationships been like? Did he date a lot growing up? Has he ever been in love? When was the last time he was in love? When did he lose his virginity? Who did he lose his virginity with? Does he still talk to any of the girls he's dated? What were his most significant relationships? How did those relationships end? Has he ever been married? Is he still married? Why did his marriage end? What's his relationship like with his ex-wife? What kind of dynamic do you want to have with him? What kind of dynamic does he want with you? How much time and energy do you both have to spend on this dynamic? What are the goals of the dynamic? What will your rules be within the dynamic? What types of punishments do you expect when you break a rule? What types of tasks do you expect to receive within the dynamic. Does he know your soft and hard limits? List the soft and hard limits you have made him aware of. What are his soft and hard limits? List the soft and hard limits you are aware he has. What will your safe word be within your new dynamic? What was your discussion about aftercare like with him? How many other D/s dynamics has he been in? Who was the first person who made him their dominant? Why did those dynamics end? If any ended equitably, can you contact his former partner(s) to ask about their experiences being in a dynamic with him? If this will be a long distance dynamic, how have your video chats been? If this will be an in person dynamic, how have your dates been? How has conflict resolution gone with him so far? What red flags have you seen from him during your courtship? What green flags have you seen from him during your courtship? Who will be your outside support for things that go on within your dynamic? Is he a good communicator with you? Do you feel you have had sufficient input in the dynamic you have built together?

Leaked hospital records reveal huge, automated markups for healthcare

A former nurse at Scripps Memorial Hospital showed columnist David Lazarus screenshots of the facility’s electronic health record system. The screenshots show price hikes ranging from 575% to 675% being automatically generated by the hospital’s software.

While I may not always like it in the moment, I will confess that I find orgasm denial and ruined orgasms really hot. For this reason, I read a fair amount of content about denial (yes, making myself cum to ideas of not being allowed to cum). But this is one area where fantasy and reality can clash hard. So while I recognize that every woman* responds a bit differently, I want to share a few misconceptions I’ve seen. 

Denial does not have a linear effect on desire. Denying me for longer isn’t going to make me get even hornier. In fact, sometimes it can even decrease sex drive. For me, I’ve learned I can go about a week of edging and denial before my sexual desire starts to decline. Then it tanks pretty quickly. If your goal is to deny a woman until she’s crazy with lust, make sure you check in periodically to see how she’s feeling. 

Denial can make it hard to have an orgasm when it’s time for one. There’s a lot of mental conditioning that goes into denial, especially denial during sex. I can get myself into a place where I just know I won’t cum. If I know (or suspect) that I’ll be denied, I find it nearly impossible to cum. I’ve also seen women struggle to have an orgasm without permission at the end of a D/s relationship. This conditioning can be powerful, and it can be hard to undo. So basically, if I’m being denied for an extended period of time, I am not on the edge constantly. Because my body has built a brick wall between me and the edge. 

Denied women are not wet all the time by default. This one likely differs a lot by woman. But I read all these posts about how she was denied so long that she started constantly dripping. Like a faucet. Down her leg. And listen, maybe it works this way for some women. But most women have jobs and friends and pets and kids and lives. And they are not in a state of arousal all the time, even when edging a lot. There are in-between times where their vaginas are just, like, a normal state of wetness. So don’t assume you need to increase the intensity if she’s not in a puddle all the time.

Sometimes it can make you really fucking depressed. I always tell people with mood disorders to be really careful with kink activities that mess with brain chemicals. This includes impact and other endorphin-giving activities, but it also includes long-term orgasm denial. For me, orgasms are more than just sexual. They are stress relief. They are a dopamine boost. And when your brain isn’t great at the dopamine thing, denial can be tricky. 

Every person responds differently to denial. And it also matters whether it’s denial during masturbation or sex, whether there’s edging involved, how emotionally connected you are, and where you’re at in your menstrual cycle. For me, I find that denial works best intermittently and in the relative short-term (a few days or so). But in any case, denial often doesn’t work the way it looks in erotica (as with most things). It’s often a trial-and-error process to find what triggers the right arousal and feeling of control while maintaining a person’s wellbeing. 

Consent is: permission granted. Agreement. Educated understanding and continuous enthusiastic participation.

Consent is: yes please and thank you. I want this.

Consent is: organic, fluid and subject to change.

Consent can be withdrawn at any point. And if it is, any and all actions must cease with all haste immediately.

*Continuing once consent has been withdrawn is a consent violation*

*Using guilt/pressure/intimidation to attempt to make someone continue doing/allowing something that they no longer wish to is a consent violation*

*Using guilt or any form of manipulation to get someone to do something that they are not 100% sure of is a consent violation*

And the line between decent human being and abusive twatwaffle has been crossed.

Don’t be that fuckwit - if someone says no - in any way shape form size or colour - even if they’d previously said yes, stop whatever the fuck you are doing - no matter what it is immediately and absofuckinglutely do not attempt to force or coerce continuation. Just stop and do what needs done to ensure comfort and safety.

And remember: consent, the withdrawal thereof and how to deal with it applies to every single thing in life, not just fuckery.

TTFN 🐾

Affirmative consent where each human regardless of gender or orientation was required to ASK for what they desire? “Will you please kiss me?” “Will you please finger me?”

Imagine a world where even the vanilla girls had to own their sexuality and not be passive vessels.

Imagine a world where no one ever says “Well, did you say no? Or tell him to stop?”

Imagine a world where everyone’s understanding of consent was a standard definition and @itsshinycollectordestinyworld or @instructor144 never again had to address the issue.

Now let me say something very, very unpopular …

When we co-sign vanilla girl bullshit straight outta Gone with the Wind, we co-sign the very things necessary for “rape culture” and set up our boys for a world of doubt, confusion, and hurt. In short, that kind of thinking creates the needed circumstances for not only rapists to rape, but to be acquitted, if ever reported and prosecuted.

So I ask again …

What if we lived in a world where affirmative consent was THE standard?

Now go and create that world.

Always seek and give affirmative consent.

Tell your friends.

Teach your children.

Spankings and other PAIN inducing punishments, are some of the most USELESS ways to discipline your sub within the realm of BDSM. You can’t correct the behavior of a MASOCHIST with PAIN. Pain is meant to MAINTAIN a MASOCHIST, not CORRECT them.

I made her dinner as always. Spaghetti tonight. One of her favorite Daddy Dinner's. I Dominated her from the second she walked in the door. The tools tonight were kindness and desire and love and ownership. I wanted her mind to fully relax, knowing the rest of the evening would fall in place as it should.

A big part of our love language is me cooking for her and making her a fresh batch of her special Daddy Coffee to take for her week ahead. I want her to feel loved and nurtured and cared for first. Usually she will watch TV and be little for a bit and settle in. Not tonight so much though.

Part of settling in tonight was having Daddy kiss and make out with her on the couch. She needed to hear she was owned, she was mine and I needed and wanted her... and was going to take her, and all that implies.

After a bit I began to tease her by touching her on the outside of her panties. I encouraged her legs open as I kissed her deeply, telling her how loved she is and that she belongs to me. I left her before dinner a little went panting mess. She was so cute grinding herself into my fingers. I had one of her arms pinned around me with my body. I held the other one behind her head by the wrist. She really sinks into herself via breath play so I made sure it was hard for her to breathe as I kissed her and dirty slut talked to her very sweetly. I gave her pussy a nice little spanking and just when she couldn't hold her cum any longer I stopped and finished dinner.

She was already very floaty. We had a lovely meal. Fabulous conversation. So much love and connectedness between us. After dinner we cuddled and kissed more on the couch. Then it was time for my angel to do one of her very favorite things in the entire world. She got to worship her Daddy's cock for a good half hour. Suffice it to say she was a very wet and desperate little mess toward the end. Her unabated joy and love and pleasure she exudes when she sucks my cock is other worldly.

And she was ready then. Ready for her Daddy to pin her legs over her head and drive my cock into her. Except tonight I wanted her to wait so she would completely surrender to my Domination and Control. So I fucked very slowly. Deep thrusts. Sometimes quick and powerful... sometimes very slowly. It didn't take but maybe 10 minutes for her to begin having trouble forming words. Her orgasms began to flow out of her. Long. Deep. So much squirting and trembling.

I continued until she was pretty spent and mostly just whimpering and moaning. Then it was time to send her into the floaty floaty world of orgasm overload. It was time for me to take her while she was spent and lick every drop of cum out of her brain.

The goal was to torture her gently and not so gently with my mouth. I like holding her hands by her side so she feels more controlled. She love to be vibe tortured into oblivion so I felt she would have a wonderful reaction to Daddy using his mouth and tongue to basically do the same thing.

I licked her for about 45 min. Not really sure how many orgasms she had. It became one giant blended non stop cumming fest at some point. But I still had not gotten the total release I wanted to give her. I kept licking and nibbling her swollen and over sensitive clit.

After some more over stimulation in the most gently tormenting way I felt it build inside her. Like the grand finale at the 4th of July. I felt her clinch like she had been electrocuted and then I felt her whole body go limp.

Then she began to tremble and gently jerk and gasp for the longest time while Daddy kept licking all her cum out of her brain. Did I mention she loves over stimulation? 💖😁😜🤪

She laid there almost motionless for a good long while as I laid beside her. She whimpered like little pet. And then, the very cutest and most precious thing happened...

She began to pant and thrust and cry out and had another huge spontaneous orgasm. When it was over she got this huge smile on her face and burst out into the most joyful and happy laugh. And she simply couldn't stop.

I laughed with her.

Hearts overflowed.

Bliss was experienced and enjoyed.

It was a beautiful moment in a beautiful night with my beautiful little girl in our beautiful life together.

❤💙💜🖤🔒

To which I kindly replied “I didn’t ask your opinion on wether I am a sub or not, I told you how I felt and you ignored my feeling for your own selfish desires. YOU do not get to be a dom if you are unwilling to recognize that subs aren’t just playthings 24/7; this isn’t some fantasy world where women submit to you at the snap of your fingers. If you can’t accept that, please accept that you are no longer my dom.”

He blocked me lol.

So tonight I am rewarding myself with a glass of wine and a bath to celebrate the fact that I escaped from another fake dom. Thank you so much for the advice, I can’t thank you enough.

-🖤🖤

June 22, 2021: Tuesday Afternoon

October 21, 2019

So sorry for your previous “daddy”. What an asshat. He says, “no use for a broken litte”, and I hear, “too fucking lazy to put in work”. 

I honestly don’t see that this is a big deal for a dom to deal with. If this was a challenge I had, I would make sure to check in often, and things would have to be very low key and safe if you stopped being able to answer me and went non verbal. You can also find other ways to signal. Pip employs a little squeaker when doing rope scenes, so that if someone finds they are not able to express something verbally, they can stop things by giving it a little squeak. 

I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who don’t I’ll explain.

Subdrop is what happens to your body after you’ve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.

Meaning, after you‘ve come down from your high, you start to feel mentally and emotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.

That’s why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you don’t judge them for enjoying what they like.

Another thing, I’m positive that most people don’t know is what topdrop is. It’s the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.

I know some people will be like- “Doms/dommes don’t go through that, nothing like that bothers them.” That’s where you’re wrong.

Remember we’re all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldn’t be.

Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.

That’s why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didn’t hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow. ASK👏 THEM👏 IF👏 THEY’RE👏 OKAY👏!! Especially right after a session.

That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.

My subdrop consisted of a mild woozy feeling, mind blank, my legs, back and sides were stiff so I wanted to stay there on the floor until I felt stronger again.

Since we hadn't discussed aftercare and I honestly don't know how we forgot about it, they came up next to me on the floor to cuddle, which is a nice gesture and I'm sure that for a lot of people that would hit the nail on the head, but that's not the case for me. I really dislike cuddling, I feel like I can't breathe or I'll make my partner uncomfortable. Even if I didn't feel the need to move before, I'll want to when being cuddled, simply can't stay still. Also I get really hot while cuddling which means I get sweaty and nobody involved wants that.

During aftercare all I need is room to breathe, unwind and a surface where I can curl up on and if I need a blanket, I'm usually able to express it.

In a case where one partner’s aftercare isn’t physical touch/ being alone but the other partner needs to be touched/ pampered, it’s advisable that you have a third person that you both trust that can administer the proper aftercare for the physical touch partner so they don’t have to wait until the other is done with theirs and just on a whole if your aftercare involves doing something with someone.

Edging isn’t for you.

Denial isn’t for you.

Pain isn’t for you.

Anal isn’t for you.

Oral isn’t for you.

You’re also not a bad sub if you need to safeword, if your limits are different today, if you have chronic conditions or mental health struggles that limit you more than you’d like.