thinking

i don’t ever think i’ll be enough for him

but i do know him

i know his hand around my throat

i know his grief for his grandmother

i know the sound when he begs me not to stop

i know the look in his eyes when he comes undone

but not his voice

and i won’t ever let him really know me

he sees the scars on my wrists

when he strips me to the bone

he hears the catch in my throat when i say i missed it

he feels me coming undone when he goes back home

tastes everything but the salt on my lips

we hear the loudest silence between us

i hear her voicemail

i feel him unraveling from me and

fall apart until next tuesday

a kiss and the door pulls to but never shut

or did i just spend too many hours

thinking of you

and the chill of our ending

are my days really shorter

or does the memory of you and i

cloud the sunlight and

close the days i try to

lose something babe, risk something

choose something babe, i got nothing

to believe, unless you’re choosing me

and im so angry with us, and the distance

years and miles and memories that we let split us

torn straight down the fucking middle

and i am still trying to find the edges

- renee rapp, don’t tell my mom

spiralling is miserable, i should probably go back home. why does that feel so difficult? oh i hope i wake up invisible

- gracie abrams, difficult

love is so completely made of love when you are young, then when you grow out of love they tell you what you’ve done

the way that i look different now to the 17 year old you tore down and broke

i am not a jigsaw and you do not get to see the same work of art again

sewing up the tapestry changes the threads and gluing back sculptures changes the expression