Elmo💛

Stumbling down the avalanche

Without the existence of winter

For once white wasn’t the main actor

But the grayish hue i see in my periphery

And i get

A little scared to look

A little afraid to be

Better than the girl

In my blurry vision

My glasses feels tight against the sides of my head

And the pounding in my skull stomps through my overworked brain without a care

For my poor struggling soul

I haven’t cried a little since

But the unshed tears feels a little heavy

Exhaustion piqued interest

He’s been following me around almost everyday

He wears on me like the sweater i wear on the daily

Close and tight against my shivers and complaints

I covered my eyes and walk

The path paved by the hands

I reached out blindly with

Maybe i was scared of everything being

A little too bright for me

who is only able to see a few

misaligned steps ahead

I run a little harder now because the ghost of my past is catching up to my shadows

“I hate you.”

I hate me too

I don’t know why but this is what I imagine Amity like irl—or at least in my head.

if i become just like you

proud and excellent

strong my will unbent

but i resent

the me i’ve become

invisible in her mum

all i’ve wanted was some

validation

with this reason

for me to cry in frustration

because i want things

i cannot get

and it hurts more

A/n: this fanfic was inspired by this other fanfic that i read and a youtube series called both sides. Hence, credits to the original creator and writer for being such an amazing inspiration.

==========

"What's the sexiest thing about her?" the interviewer asks as Jisoo looks from behind the camera to the blonde seated across her, smiling and bobbing her head to the music playing against her ears–it's probably Doja Cat, again. "Her arms, obviously," she replies with a laugh, making the blonde's smile widen.

-

The video transition to an opening animation. There's a whistle as the logo for BLACKPINK TV appears then it vanishes as the words Both Sides fade in. Two women walk into the frame and take seats on the two chairs provided in the middle, facing each other. On the right is a tall blonde with lanky frame, her hair up in a neat ponytail complete with her ever present bangs. She wears a simple white ringer tee with mickey mouse face on it, coupled with a baggy yellow Balenciaga zip-up jacket. She match her  top with a high waisted black straight jeans with the hems rolled up. Her ensemble is completed with sneakers and rainbow high socks and a sunshine-like grin that is as colourful as her outfit.

On the right is a dark-haired woman, her lips a nice shade of coral. There is a small smile on her lips–almost secretive, a little playful maybe, and she ducks her head and glances at the blonde who laughs. She wears a sky blue cardigan that accentuate her smile, her hair neat with a nude headband, along with a comfortable black ripped jeans finished with an elegant  Dior choker adorning her neck and black suede pumps with heels that could definitely kill. She takes the pair of large headphones on her seat along with a phone, sits down, and put the items on her lap.

A text appears: We asked couples individually to get both sides of their story, it reads, before the video cuts to a close up of the blonde. She beams and waves with both hands to the camera.

"HI! My name is Lalisa Manoban," she greets. "I'm 22."

The video then cuts to the raven-haired woman. She grins at the camera too, showing a perfect set of white teeth and heart-shaped smile, and waves her fingers in greeting. "And I'm Kim Jisoo, 24 years old," she says with another heartwarming smile and awkward chuckle as Lisa's snort is heard in response of her greeting.

-

The frame cuts to the both of the again, sitting in front of each other. They both look to the side as the interviewer asks a question, and the text appears on the screen. How long have you  been dating?, it reads.

The couple meet gazes then.

"Two years."

"Two years and 3 weeks."

The raven- haired woman chuckles and Lisa grins proudly back at her.

The video cuts to Jisoo putting on headphones. They are big and bright yellow, Jisoo glanced back up at Lisa after she finished on choosing a song.

"Can you hear me?" Jisoo shakes her head to the sides," Wait what?" Lisa says flabbergasted.

"I thought she is not supposed to be able to hear me?" she asks, facing the interviewer in question. Jisoo squints her eyes in confusion.

"I can't hear anything."

"wh-oh oh okay." Lisa chuckles out, shoulder sagging in relief. She then mouths something to Jisoo, causing her to smile softly, and Jisoo mouths the same words too.

-

With the two of them back in the frame, the video stills on the question How did you get together? for a few moments before it plays again. Lisa looks at the camera and ducks her head bashfully as Jisoo chuckles at the reaction while  looking at her questioningly.

"Jisoo unnie, asked me out," She says." We were on a vacation to Thailand to film BLACKPINK HOUSE, and then I remember us visiting Koh Samui." She stops and looks at Jisoo ."Then she came to my room when Chaeyoung was out somewhere shopping with Jennie unnie and, uh, she suddenly sang the spongebob Ripped Pants song and I remember singing along with her for no reason and she was just being so smooth. it was so out of the blue!" Lisa exclaims with a wistful smile gracing her features." I mean,  we became quiet after the song and then she was like, do you want to be the Patrick to my Spongebob?"

"She's weird, under all that poised looking clothes you'll think she's the normal one. But, she's my kind of weird." Lisa then shoot finger guns at Jisoo as the said person dodges the imaginary bullets while the interviewer laughs.

-

"Oh my god, it's Doja Cat! Ye I'm a cow..." Lisa exclaims as she taps on the phone. She beams and shows Jisoo the playlist (it's basically rap songs), then starts to bob her head and doing weird hand motion to the music, waving her arms in exaggerated manner. Jisoo rolls her eyes dramatically and looks to the camera.

"Yes, unfortunately, she's always this embarrassing," she says with a straight face.

-

Lisa has the headphones this time. Jisoo chuckles when she hears the question. "Did she tell you about the cartoon thingy?" She asks the interviewer who offers no response, it isn't needed though because one look at Lisa's cheeky smile and she knows. "Ah yeah, so that happens...it was perfect though. In my defense, if she decided to reject me I could just say it as a best friend kind of thing, you know? But I'll definitely be sad." She says with an exaggerated pout at Lisa making her coo at the rare display of anything that resembles cuteness from Jisoo.

"She was wonderful. She said yes to me and like it was one of the happiest days in my life..." She bites her lip, as if collecting her thoughts. "She kissed my cheek and I remember blushing so hard about it" She laughs and the blonde bursts out laughing despite the head phones and starts nodding as if she heard. "We did end the night by watching Spongebob though, so that was even better." She lets out a sigh, soft and dreamy, and her smile turns fond as she takes a moment to look at Lisa who returns her smile.

-

The next question appears over a scene of Lisa handing the head phones back to Jisoo, pausing to tell her a lame pun. Jisoo snorts and both of them laughs, and Lisa's grin is so wide, like a child given his or her favourite play toy.

Who said I love you first?

-

"She did." Lisa confesses, a wistful smile appearing on her face. "We were laying on my bed, and I was sleeping, I mean, I was kind of sleeping? Like you know when you were about to sleep but you're not exactly asleep yet? Yes- yes that's what I mean." She says with a laugh, and when she looks at Jisoo, she was already looking at her with a funny expression as she tilts her head mouthing what? with an amused smile. "Then she said it." Lisa says as she sticks her tongue out.

-

Jisoo shakes her head fondly and smiles to herself, as if the sheer recall of the memory of this moment makes her heart melt –it kind of does. "I did." She says simply. "I was sleeping over in her room that night and the other members were already asleep I think. And uh, I was playing with her hair and just like, admire her you know? She got her eyes closed so I wasn't sure if she was still awake or not. But yeah, I –uh I told her I think I'm falling in love with you and..." She gives Lisa a lopsided smile." She said it to me like 2 weeks later I think? And that brat had the nerves to claim that she said I love you first, I know she was awake! I mean, who blushed in their sleep? No one." Jisoo paused as if trying to search for some specific information. "Oh, and she's a bad liar too. I cornered her one day and told her to tell me if she was awake when I told her that. I swear to god she was so cute, all stumbling over her words and a blushing mess. I ended up pinching her cheeks, I couldn't help it." Jisoo finishes with a snicker and wiggles an accusing finger towards Lisa. The latter points back and winks.

"Cute." The interviewer comments from behind the camera after seeing the couple's interaction.

-

"You know Chaeng is the one who ate the leftover chicken right?" Lisa says to Jisoo, and she nods sagely in front of her. What do you love about each other? appears over the clip, before it cuts to Jisoo asking Lisa which cat does she love the most Luca, Leo, or Lily. Lisa gasps.

-

"What do I love about her?" Lisa says as she looks from behind the camera to the woman currently sitting across her, smiling and bobbing her head slightly to whatever song is playing against her ears. "I have the tendency to be too nice and get walked over. And she makes sure that, like, that doesn't happen and that I stand up for myself." She sighs and sends a grateful smile to Jisoo. "And she's also always herself and never feels the need to be anybody else."

-

Jisoo reads the question then face Lisa with an earnest expression. "I love you because you're one of the sweetest and nicest people I've ever met in my life. I mean you're nice to people I don't think deserve to be nice, you know, at to." She trails off, and chuckles before looking at Lisa sincerely. "Umm, when I'm emotional and throwing a fit or just being over the top about something you're always there to centre me." She sighs softly and meets Lisa's gaze. "You just, you're that little piece of me that I didn't realise I needed until I met you."

"I don't know if that's everything I was supposed to say or not." Jisoo awkwardly scratches her chin and ducks her head out of embarrassment.

"Damn, that was adorable."

Jisoo bursts out a laugh, relief evident in her voice. "Oh man, it's a lot easier when she's not listening."

-

"What's the sexiest thing about her?" the interviewer asks as Jisoo looks from behind the camera to the blonde seated across her, smiling and bobbing her head to the music playing against her ears–it's probably Doja Cat, again. "Her arms, obviously," she replies with a laugh, making the blonde's smile widen. Jisoo covers her face to gather her composure, "But seriously though, even though I probably sound really sappy and the members will definitely tease me about it," she chuckles, "her personality. I mean, she's just so bright you know?" She gestures to Lisa, who in turn waves to the camera with a laugh. "She's like a walking sunshine," Jisoo says, voice soft, "and she chases all the dark clouds away." Jisoo trails off, lips quirking into a small smile. "She makes everyone happy and, uh, she is always so positive despite everything." Jisoo stops, "She believes that everyone deserve a second chance and she's always so nice even though they definitely do not deserve it." Jisoo sends Lisa a pointed look, in which the blonde ignore because she was busy choosing another song. "That's kind of what I'm here for." She chuckles.

Jisoo then bites her lip for a moment. "I think, uh, it may sound naïve really, but, I think she's a ball of positivity that everyone needs in their life."

-

"Her compassion," Lisa says tenderly as she meets Jisoo's gaze. Jisoo is watching her, smiling all the while, and Lisa doesn't stop her own smile from growing. "She never really cry you know? Because she's always there to take care of us and I feel like she forgets that she also needs to take a breather. But she isn't comfortable in showing her burden which is why I'm glad I can be that for her, like a safe place of sort." She turns to the camera with an accusatory look. "Anyone who thinks she's not good enough to be in BLACKPINK can talk to me, by the way, just so we're clear."

-

"I'm starving," Lisa whines as she crosses her arms and pouts at her. Jisoo laughs. The next question appears over the clip. What's the other person's biggest weakness?, it reads.

-

The frame cuts back to the both of them, sitting across each other with their hands intertwined. "Putting on her seatbelt?" Jisoo says jokingly with a laugh in which Lisa smiles in return. "I –uh I think she gets caught up in her own head though. I think that's her biggest struggle is just, you know, wanting to make sure everybody's happy around her and that everybody's treated fairly so she gets kinda in her head too much." Jisoo pauses for a moment and finishes with a small smile, "And then I have to let her know that she's doing okay."

-

"Did you talk about my seatbelt?" Lisa accuses as she passes the head phones back to Jisoo. She bursts out laughing, which causes a chain reaction and now Lisa is laughing along with her too. "It's so awful."

-

With the head phones now firmly put on her head, Lisa looks into Jisoo's eyes." Um, She's a bit dramatic sometimes." Jisoo nods her head, eliciting a chuckle out of Lisa. "She's just agrees with me when she has no idea what we're saying." Jisoo morphs her face into a funny expression, and dramatically rolls her eyes at Lisa.

-

"We'll never finish this interview if you keep making me laugh," Jisoo says dryly, though it is obvious she is holding back a laughter. The video cuts to Lisa dancing in her seat. She dabs and grins at the camera. What is the one thing you want to tell her? appears over the clip.

-

"We'll probably talk about this later over dinner," Lisa chuckles as she catches Jisoo's gaze. The raven-haired woman only smiles. Lisa tugs on an imaginary lint on her jeans as she seems to study Jisoo for a moment before she sighs softly. "I don't feel like I say this enough, but I'll tell you this over and over again." She pauses and purses her lips. Jisoo quirks an eyebrow that makes Lisa shrug at her. "No matter what you think, no matter what other people think...I– You'll always be enough. And If I have to choose between you and the world, I'll always choose you, every single day, in this lifetime and more."

-

Jisoo chuckles nervously at the camera before looking back at Lisa. "Oh man. This is a tough one." She rubs her hands on her knees. "I mean we make sure to always talk to each other about our problem because you know, 'communication is key' and all that," she says with air quotes. She gives Lisa a tender smile as she sighs, the sound of it laced with a weight of uncertainty. "But I...I wish you could see how good you are. You're kind and beautiful and blind to all of that and I– I wish that you would love yourself like I love you." She licks her lips and swallows thickly, looks away for a moment to blink several times. There are hints of tears in her eyes that she tries to hide, but she looks back at Lisa wish a shuddering sigh. "Or love yourself like you love me, because you yourself, of all people, are so worthy of that love. Until then I'd love you for the both of us."

"Unnie! You can't cry," Lisa warns, pointing an accusatory finger at Jisoo. The ravenette only laughs and looks up to wipe the back of her hands against her cheeks. "No, don't cry, if you cry I'm going to cry and I'm not going to lose a bet to Chaengie."

-

"This is all your fault," Lisa sniffles as she takes the tissues handed her way. She chucks it to Jisoo and the ravenette laughs as she wipes her own tears.

"Fine," she relents with a happy grin despite her tear-tracked cheeks. Lisa huffs playfully as the next question appears on the screen. What would life be like without the other person?, it reads.

-

The head phones is nowhere to be seen. The couple is still seated across each other with both of their hands intertwined. Lisa looks long and deep into Jisoo's eyes. "She is my support in every single way and, uh, she makes me happy, she makes me laugh, she makes me take life a little less seriously so I think without her I would just be lost completely." Lisa pauses for a moment as Jisoo kissed the back of her right hand and smiles sweetly at her. "For the short version," she chuckles, "devastated, I don't know what I would do without you."

-

"I –uh Man I try not to use bad words but man it'd be scary not to have you, that is wild to think about." Jisoo bites her lips. "I don't like thinking about that." Lisa laughs softly and says jokingly with a smile, "Now you're making me sound like the ice queen. But," she pauses and Jisoo chortles, "I love you very much."

"I love you too" Jisoo replies sincerely as she leans forward and pecks Lisa's lips.

-

"I never cry," Jisoo hisses, even as she dabs tissues on her cheeks. "My reputation is ruined, Lisa."

Lisa scrunches her nose. "What reputation, the one about you being a soft mama bear? I'm Jisoo, I'm okay."

"Shut up," Jisoo says as the both stand. "I'm not going to do Chaeng's chores just because I cried in public," Lisa mutters as they walk out of their seats and off the frame, leaving only the now two empty chairs. "Maybe I should get some avocado too, just to piss her off."

it stays still

with the quiet kind of resignation

“Choose me, choose me,” i wanted to say

i wanted to be selfish

i don’t want to cry too.

i’ll get over it

i’ll get over it

not today,

stay.

choked, gasp. breathe, lost.

empty.

wrong.

don’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcry

love me, love me, love me

this isn’t a letter of goodbye

don’t reminisce

this isn’t me.

i swear to God.

an impossible mission of

getting that acceptance,

or sense of accomplishment of a too high

of an expectation?

what is it that you want moon child?

another lone soul to talk to on

those tiring day where it is hard to even

let out a small sigh?

what is it that comfort you little one?

a hug that embraces you tight and

warmth that engulfes your body,

where your tears can steadily drip down

your beautiful face without any shame.

let it be...let it be...

i’ll hold you till the last droplets fall and wipe

your tears for you.

i’ll smile at you and hug you

just a little tighter.

Lastly,

i’ll whisper in your ear these words

you need to hear and pray that

night be gentle with you and grant you

a good night sleep.

Through my carefully woven words

I wish you’d hold my hand

My safe haven,

AN: This was inspired by a fic that i read before hope u enjoy it! sorry for any grammar mistakes english isn’t my first language, i’m open to criticism tho:)

==========

It seems like yesterday I was happy with nothing. Today, I make a wish to the moon. I told her if I can see you once again, I'll do one last dance with you to this song.

To remember you forever,

Just one last dance...

==========

Have you ever heard the word 'breathless'?

It has different meaning of its own if you put it in different use. One could describe the meaning of extreme surprise where you just froze in your spot, mouth hung agape as you look at the most precious thing in you possession in awe.

It truly was a wonderful description to appreciate such blessings.

Yet, in another meaning, one that you make sense of literally, has such a different effect, with a stark contrast between light and darkness, akin of a nightmare in the middle of a day dream.

==========

Breathless

[breth-lis]

1. without breath or breathing with difficulty; gasping; panting:

2. dead; lifeless.

==========

Everything happened so fast. One moment she was just standing there in her comfy clothes, casually washing the dishes then the next moment. She saw her lying on the floor as the plate she was holding dropped and shattered against the hard wood floor. It might be just at the spur of the moment, where she exists and everything fell apart. She was rooted to the spot, head staying on the same spot her love used to stand just moments ago. Slowly, but surely everything came rushing back, like a river current overcoming any hindrance. Her hands were shaking when she finally got control of her body.

"LISA!" She screamed then, heart gripped with the panic brewing inside her at seeing her lover so frail, surrounded with the broken glass scattered around her body. She was shaken with pity that at such a tragic misery her love was still attention's sweet centre. Painted was the tragically beautiful story of their journey, started with her world brushed with dark muddy colours.

“oh mygod ohmygod,”

Jisoo swore she never ran so fast in her life.

In the blink of an eye, she was holding her lover's head on her lap as her fingers fumbled with her phone, the trembling digits struggling to call 9-1-1.

"I need your help please... She fainted....I-" That was the last thing Lisa heard as the black spots on her vision finally swallowed her whole. When the last sigh left her lips, her body became slack.

And that,

was the night everything changed.

==========

The trip to the hospital was not one on her favourite list of trips but, at seeing her lover sudden decline of health, she wondered just how long it would take for the ambulance to reach the hospital. She sighed over and over again as she held Lisa’s hand close and kissed each of her knuckles.

She choked back a sob as her eyes welled with tears and the state Lisa was in. Oxygen mask covered her face, and somehow in the span of minutes she had only just noticed how pale and gaunt her love actually is, a drastic difference to her usually fair and healthy body. She cursed herself, hating the fact that she had failed to see the symptoms that might have had explained the ongoing situation.

“I’m sorry baby, I should have looked after you better and stayed home more, fuck I’m- I’m fucking sorry I shouldn’t have I-,” Her speech was cut off due to the sob threatening to burst out.

“pl-please just wake u-up please…”

It may seem unusual for those close to her but,

She prayed that night.

To whatever gods there are out there, she just hoped they’d listened.

When the sound of cars honking filled her hearing and the pounding of her heart reverberated throughout her body, she closed her lids tightly. Lips mouthing an inaudible prayer as tears welled in her eyes. She held her lover's hand a little tighter, yet somehow, she still refused to cry.

‘Me and my pride’ she muses.

She refrained herself to believe anything but her lover being okay again.

She had to be okay..

She just had to...

==========

The short trip to the hospital turned out to be a long one. The seconds and the minutes turned into hours as she waited outside the ER. She paced back and forth for she knew that there was something wrong, though she refused to believe it. Realising she might have to tell Chaeyoung, she steeled herself against the obvious thunderstorm and pressed call.

It doesn’t take long for the said best friend/ sister to pick up, and for some reason she felt guilty, like it was somehow her fault when the first hello filtered through the phone.

“Jisoo unnie? Are you there?”

“Umm… Chaeng, I-I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t know what just happened I-“

“Unnie? Please calm down, what happened? Is Lisa okay?”

“She-“

“She’s just been admitted to the hospital, Chaeyoung-ah…”

“WHAT?! JENNIE WE NEED TO GO NOW!”

“Chaeng- I..” She tried to say when the phone beeps, indicating the end of the call.

They came 15 minutes after she hang up their call, appearance so dishevelled some might think they’re some kind of a hobo.

“Is she okay?” Jennie asked as Chaeyoung was currently feeling too wrecked to even function.

“I- I don’t know , Jen.. One minute she was standing and the next she was suddenly on the floor unconscious.” She explained as her hands swung wildly in her manic.

Jennie said nothing but pulled Jisoo into a tight hug in which she immediately melt into, followed by Chaeyoung as the three of them relied on each other for the comfort they badly needed at the moment.

Their million questions were finally answered another hour later. In midst of her mini panic, the doctor handling Lisa's case came out of the room and approached her jittery self.

"I'm sorry...”

That was all Jisoo needed to hear to know that, she was not okay, her lover never was. She knew, Lisa knew that she didn't have much time left and yet, she still smiled and act that bubbly personality of hers. Always unyielding, always without flaw, not even once.

A gasp was heard, yet she couldn’t care less.

Jisoo pondered, just when did Lisa became such a good liar?

"I hate you so much..." She sobbed as her back slid against the white hospital wall. Its horror and constant dullness that painted her peripheral stayed unflinching. Leaving her, to fend for herself after the heart wrenching news that might just destroyed every good thing she had left in her life.

‘such a tragic life of a dreamer’’Such a pity’

I wonder Lisa,

I do wonder...

==========

Jisoo spent a restless night back at home. She laid on her side of the bed and took in the unusual coldness of her own personal sanctuary. Her stare resided on the empty right side of her bed. The golden sparks in her eyes had faded hours ago, only the remnants of it stayed. It had turned tedious brown in its departure.

She breathed deep, trying to remember her scent. Truth to be told, it had been hard for her to leave her love alone on the hospital bed, but she was not one to defy doctor's order. Though she really gave the nurses a run for their money when they need to forcefully dragged her away from her lover's limp body.

She decided then, she should have fought against their grasps harder, for Lisa was worth every struggle.

Every. Single. One.

==========

Days passed in a blur after the news. It was broadcasted on their social media accounts that they will be taking a long hiatus with the reasons unknown. It sure did cause an uproar in their fandom with their seemingly abrupt disappearance but in the end they couldn’t do anything but to accept their idols’ decision.

Realising the ticking time that was eating away her love’s life, Jisoo brought her everywhere her heart wished for. Her heart clenched every time she saw Lisa's face light up when she brought her to places she had never been before, knowing any moment now could be her last.

She smiled bitterly at that. Her time was limited and she was fucking desperate for any kind of miracle. She prayed every night, for something, anything, to happen.

Because she would give it all just for her to be okay again. That way, they would be able to do the future they had planned out together. In their future, they would be living in a 2 storey mansion with Dalgomie, Leo, Luca and 4 kids running around the house. They would grow old together, wasting their time watching the sunset every evening with a warm cup of tea.

Fate always said otherwise, because the one time she actually found someone who loved her for her. They took her away from Jisoo.

Even sometimes, love was not enough...

==========

It was another cold evening on the midst of December. The couple was snuggling on the couch just enjoying each other's warmth. Jennie and Chaeyoung were out, buying food for their dinner. No words were spoken, though the comfortable silence of the empty dorm was broken when Lisa called out to Jisoo.

"Jisoo?" Lisa asked quietly, head laying slack against Jisoo's chest.

"Hmm?" She responded, hand moving to stroke Lisa's hair gently.

"Can we sing right now?"

Her hand stilled from her movement as she looked down at her. Usually, Jisoo would have laughed at the random request but the look on Lisa's face, left her stunned. Absentmindedly, Jisoo started to sing one of her favourite song, Long Live.

It really was ironic.

"I said remember this moment

In the back of my mind...” She started, voice wavering a bit.

She was shaken out of her reverie when Lisa suddenly sat up and started pulling at her hands, urging her to stand with her.

“The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the kings and the queens

And they read off our names

The night you danced like you knew our lives

Would never be the same ..."

At this point, they were both dancing around in their apartment, not caring about what would happen in the future. Live in the now they said.

“You held your head like a hero...”

Lisa sang, voice sounding off key but none of them care anyways. She crossed her arms and posed as superman pretending to be showing her ‘spectacular biceps’ that had become bony and last muscular over the past few months. She nodded her head at Jisoo cueing at her to sing the next lines.

"On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age..."

Jisoo stayed quiet and instead, she only looked at her funnily. Lisa had no choice but to continue singing with a grumpy voice.

"Come on CHICHU!! I SAID ONE, TWO, THREE... SING WITH ME!!" She held out her hand between them as if to share the microphone for the both of them.

"Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered...”

This time Jisoo did join the fun, screaming with her lover as they belted out the lyrics. They might just sound like dying whale and the neighbours would surely filled out a noise complaint but seriously, they could careless right now. No headlines, no media, no worries. Just Jisoo and Lisa singing off key in their penthouse apartment.

"I said remember this feeling

I passed the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines

Wishing for right now..."

Lisa continued as she looked at Jisoo and pulled on a funny face, successfully bringing a long overdue smile on her girlfriend's face.

"We are the kings and the queens

You traded your baseball cap for a crown..."

Jisoo gestured to Lisa's head as if to put on an imaginary crown on her. Lisa smiled at the gesture and did an over exaggerated curtsy before standing up straight to urged Jisoo to keep singing as she swayed from left to right, doing some weird dancing of her own.

"When they gave us our trophies

And we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged

Screaming, "This is absurd"

'Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world..."

Jisoo belted the lyrics as she knelt on the floor like a rock star. Lisa was having the time of her life as she rolled down on the floor laughing her ass off.

"Love live the wall we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders..." Jisoo sang loudly.

I'm not afraid," Lisa continued with a big grin on her face.

"Long live all the mountains we move

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

I was screaming, "Long live the look on your face"

And bring on all the pretenders

One day we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall..."

Jisoo actually sang beautifully this time, giving it her all as she pour her heart for their impromptu Lichu-karaoke session. As she opened her mouth to sing the next stanza, Lisa had already beaten her to it.

"Will you take a moment,

promise me this...

That you'll stand by me forever

But if God forbid fate should step in,

And force us into a goodbye..."

Lisa sang the lines softly to Jisoo as she put her hand over her heart as tears welled in her eyes.

"If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures,

Please tell them my name..."

Her voice cracked as she sang it, knowing the reality of it all. Jisoo rushed to comfort her but one hand motion from Lisa and another plea of "I'm okay," left her with no choice but to continue the song.

"Tell them how the crowds went wild

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life, with you...”

Jisoo presented Lisa with a teary smile as she pointed her fingers at her. She furiously wiped her tears away, and when she belted the next line, she was determined to end this in a good note.

All smiles no frowns.

"Long, long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

And I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made"

And bring on all the pretenders

I'm not afraid..." She sang as she put on a brave face and a salute at Lisa, getting a smile out in return. Jisoo gave her a signal and they sang the last lines together.

"Singing long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life

Fighting dragons with you

And long, long live the look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered..."

They finished the song quickly and enveloped each other in a tight embrace, tears still streaming down their faces.

"Long live us...” Jisoo whispered against her head.

"Long live you...” She added with a smile, before pressing a light kiss on Lisa’s forehead.

You will be remembered...

==========

Lisa did last longer than expected as she somehow managed to get past through her birthday and Jisoo's. Though another incident might have barraged their way at her.

On the morning after Jisoo's birthday, Lisa had stupidly fell off her bed. But that, was not the problem. It was the excruciating pain that followed after that. She swore she had never screamed so loud in her life.

Hearing her screams, Jisoo bolted upstairs towards their shared bedroom. Fingers fumbling with her phone ready to call 9-1-1.

This was giving her a sense of déjà vu. Added with the fact that in dire times like this, Jennie and Chaeng always seemed to be away at an important meeting with their management, leaving Jisoo alone to deal with a crying Lisa.

Seeing her Lisa laying helplessly on the floor, screaming her head off, Jisoo panic level accelerate to 100 real quick. She knelt down beside the whimpering girl and wafted her hand through her hair, while whispering sweet nothings to soothe her pain.

"You're gonna be okay, baby.."

You will,

You have to...

==========

"She fell the wrong way, Chaeyoung. I've said this to you a million times. Why won't you believe me?" Jisoo hissed at Chaeyoung as they walked down the hospital halls to Lisa's room. She was being prepped for immediate surgery because apparently her stupid fall could possibly cause paralysis. Stupid bed and stupid floor, she had said.

"Wow unnie , Okay I believe you, but seriously you need to chill. You're basically on fire right now.." Chaeyoung tread carefully, afraid to get Jisoo madder than she already was.

"You're dealing with this better than I ever was Chaeng. How are you okay with her dying?" She ranted, frustrated.

"I'm not, and I never will be okay with her dying, so don't even try to say that. But, do you know what makes me strong unnie? It was her wish. She personally told me that she wanted her last days to be full of smiles, not tears; not frowns. So I tried, I really tried my best every day to keep the smile on my face, to keep the happy thoughts on my head as if she wasn't dying. I had to respect her wish. I had to, unnie..." Chaeyoung confessed as she blinked rapidly to avoid the tears from falling, knowing Lisa would caught up with her act once she saw a faint tear marks on her face.

"I'm sorry Chaeyoung-ah, I-I didn't know,"

"It's okay unnie, please just trust me on this. You need to respect her wish too okay?"

"All smiles?"

"All smiles."

==========

It had not been great.

Lisa was paralysed from the waist down. But she had not reacted poorly. She had taken a moment of silence after the news, both her lover and best friends looking at her expectantly, gauging her reaction. What happened next was not expected by the both of them.

With a defeated sigh, Lisa had looked back up towards the doctor and asked a simple question.

"Can I go back home now?"

The meaning behind her words were clear, she didn't want to talk about it and it was to be expected. Yet, that split moment when she looked at Jisoo at the word 'home', really messed with Chaeyoung's emotion. She had lived, knowing that her best friend and sister had found her home. A place for her to belong, yet, it was wretched from her grasp just after she found it.

Home…

Lost.

==========

Today was the day the two brotp? finally get to hang out. Though, Jennie realised she should have done this sooner. She had immediately became fast friends with Lisa after their first meeting with each other during their trainee days. She had said, the only reason they got along so well was because their ‘stupid aegyo tendencies and annoyingly cute gummy smiles ’ cheers to Jennie for that. She knew her gummy smiles are valuable winning weapon. So to speak, with their fast growing friendship and what not, this news had truly affected Jennie deeply.

They were strolling around the central park, not a lot of people were in sight which was a plus to the both of them.

"Jennie, if you didn't stop thinking, smoke might came out of your head any time now," Lisa suddenly said, causing her to pause in her movement.

"Shut it Manoban, or do I have to hit you to do so?" Jennie clapped back at her best friend who now appeared offended. She put a dramatic hand over her chest and said.

"Really? You'll hit a cripple? WHERE ARE YOUR MORALS?"

"Where yours are?" Jennie sassed.

"Shit, let me call Satan. He has them. Along with my list of fucks I do not give."

"Oh please, SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS GIRL SHE'S ANNOYING ME," Jennie was all but shout.

"Watch it Nini or I'll tell Chaengie about your behaviour."

"You are such a tattle-teller, you b*tch. You disgust me," Jennie said in her best Kim-Kardashian-accent as she flipped her hair to get her point across.

"My energy should not be wasted talking to you, move along please I need to get my ice cream," Lisa commanded from her wheelchair bossily.

"You're lucky you're cute or else I would've left you somewhere," Jennie complained as she grudgingly started to push the wheelchair to the ice cream shop.

==========

Miracles do happen, sadly it didn't always last.

==========

Lisa knew her time was coming, knowing she had outlived the doctor's predictions; this was bound to happen anytime soon. It was a little after the New Year. She was being woken up, with severe chest pains. She screamed which immediately woke Jisoo up.

"Lisa baby, what's wrong?" She asked soothingly, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

Jisoo didn't get an answer from Lisa except for her occasional whimpers which caused her to curl further into herself, hoping to make the pain stop.

She knew her time was coming,

But she sure as heck was not ready for it.

==========

Lisa was hooked to a ventilator that night, her lungs had failed her and she didn't expect any less. Seeing her lover so fragile against the hospital bed, Jisoo made a beeline to the chair beside the bed and held her sleeping hand tightly.

She leaned her head closer to the bed and rests it at the edge of the pillow. It might have been an uncomfortable position but she wanted to, she need, to remember her.

I don't want to forget...

Right before she continued her restless slumber, Jisoo hummed sotto voce. She sang a song very dear to her as a prayer, and God, she did hope Lisa would listen close in her slumber.

“Please stay by my side,

Please stay with me..

Please don't let go of me, the one who's holding your hand...

I love you,

I love you...

In the long silence, a sound comes, screaming

From my foolish and weak heart..."

==========

The goodbye was the hardest.

==========

Lisa was looking at Jisoo as best as she could through her half lidded eyes. She could she the hudled figures of her best friends standing on the other side of her hospital bed. God, she was so tired, and she had long accepted her fate. She stared at Jisoo with any adoration she could muster and smiled weakly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She suddenly said, breaking Jisoo out of her trance.

"I want to remember you."

"Don't do this to yourself baby, please"

"I- I can't Lice, please I can't forget you. I don't want you to go. I LOVE YOU! Why is that not enough?" She sobbed as she desperately cling to her hospital gown to discard any possible distance between the two of them.

"It doesn't matter if I'm not physically beside you, unnie. Please don't cry, love, I'll look after you from the sky. You won't forget me because I'm here with you. I stayed in your heart. I'll visit you in your dreams, there you can relinquish all your joys and sorrows to me. You'll remember me, just like the way my heart will call out to you in the after life..."

"I love you, Lice. I'd give it all just for one more day with you..."

"Don't dwell- on your sadness please, all smiles, okay?" Lisa had to stop in between words to catch her breath as her lungs started failing on her.

“Unnie, if it is time for me to go, can you take care of Jisoo unnie for me?”

Lisa never said it to anyone  in particular neither Jennie or Chaeyoung, but the message was clear. They responded with a tight squeeze on her arm and a teary smile.

Their last moments together were spent with Jisoo brushing the remnants of Lisa hazel brown hair, as they enjoyed the silence that sang lullabies for those in passing. It wasn’t long when the silence was broken by none other than Lisa.

"Can I get one last kiss before I go to sleep, Chu?"

“Anything for you love,” Jisoo smiled a bittersweet smile through her red eyes and puffy cheeks before leaning in as they lips met in passion.

So desperately, trying to make it a kiss, one could remember forever.

"Sing for me please, Chichu…" Lisa whispered her last wish. She moved her body a little bit as she sagged against the hospital bed, eyes fluttering close.

"Hallelujah,

You were an angel in the shape of my love

When I fell down you'll be there holding me up

Spread your wings as you go...

And when God takes you back,

He'll say, "Hallelujah, you're home."

Jisoo wait until her breathing became no more, before she stopped. With one last cold kiss to the lips, Jisoo muttered her prayer against her skin.

"In peace may you leave the shore;

In love may you find the next.

Safe passage on your travel," Jisoo finished and wipe her tears away. She leaned her face closer to Lisa's and mumbled against her lips.

"May we meet again, Lisa..."

==========

It was nothing special, another day, another time, another dawn. They recalled that time when a young Lisa Manoban swore that when she died she would do it in such honour, with lots of people crying for her.

They had laughed it off then, saying that she wasn’t even close to a hero or a president. It was a stupid dream to begin with.

Lalisa Manoban didn’t die in such great honour, she didn’t die with the sound of trumpet and manmade tears marring people’s face as they pretend to show empathy to the fallen grace.

She died, on a normal Wednesday afternoon, with 3 of the brightest stars in her life, and I guessed for her,

It was more than enough.

==========

"One last kiss to a cold lips, to seal the prayer."

what was it that make us so fucking different?

something that is exclusively ours that no one has 

a flicker of her

the she that has all of me

i can’t see her in my head

the epitome of me,

who painted the dead

end with flowers and

smile as if it was her last

i saw her,

i blink and,

what goes on in my head

scars that cut deep

i’ve seen it all bleed.

tears,

they never really stream

oh i’ve tried

but they don’t hear me scream.

reconnect in between moments

breathe me a little deeper

i just want you close to me,

appreciation

hold me like a lover

know me a little better

hug me even closer,

to make my world

a little less lonely,

it was great to be alone

but i was getting kind of sad

in every picture of you

i’d picture me with you

just like in any other lifetimes

i’d choose to be with you

but,

i’m painting you

in every shades of grey

so that maybe

when i

meet you again

it won’t hurt

as much

thus i pray,

this feelings that just won’t go away

will fade

just like the

chipping paint in