#chaelisa

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ II. You Set My Soul Alight. (888)

a/n: when i tell you i started this fic in 2019 and didn’t finish it until now ↓ lol. i just had to for this request!

i have edited it to be more like my style of writing now compared to then and this was definitely self indulgent for 2019 me 😭 i also included some of my own writing in this sooo i hope you enjoy <3

“srop running from me,” rosé whispers. she can’t let this happen again. she has had enough of lisa running.

they were kissing until lisa pulled away, once again. it set rosé off. she has finally had enough of lisa running whenever she felt like they were getting serious.

“i’m... i’m not, rosie. i just don’t know how to,” she pauses, looking down, a tear falling.

she doesn’t want to hurt her. she loves her. she knows that. she’s just not sure how to express it.

“you don’t know how to what?” the older questions. lisa loves that about her.

she loves how rosé can be upfront. she always asks questions, but there was never any anger behind them.

rosé is the type of person that wants people to be honest with her, especially lisa.

lisa wants to say it. she wants to tell rosé she loves her. that she always has, and she always will.

she just doesn’t know how to say it out loud. she’s admitted it to herself, she’s written about it in her journal, she’s sure everyone around them knows too - without her telling them.

but she always struggles to say it out loud to rosé.

“lisa,” rosé sighs. she walks over to her, putting a gentle hand out - asking lisa if it’s okay to hug her.

lisa sighs in defeat and walks into her arms. she sighs again, only this time it was a sigh of peace. she always feels better when the older girl embraces her. she wishes she could express that to her.

that’s lisa’s problem. she’s never been one to express how she is feeling.

lisa doesn’t mean to keep things in, she grew up that way and it’s never changed.

she wants to express every emotion to rosé, but she can’t seem to say anything out loud.

lisa suddenly moves out of her embrace. she walks over to her bedroom door, “i’ll be back out in a moment,” she says to rosé.

she nods in response and sits on the couch in the living area.

lisa walks out. a journal in her hands. seeing the journal in lisa’s hands made rosé sit upright.

they all keep journals, but they never share any of the things written to one another unless it was completely necessary to share.

knowing that, rosé realised lisa having her journal must mean something serious.

lisa walks towards her, sitting down a little away from her. rosé follows her every move.

lisa looks terrified. the older girl doesn’t know how to react.

“rosie,” lisa starts, opening her journal. her eyes were fixed on it while flipping through pages.

she came to a stop on a page that rosé could only see has a lot of writing on.

“i’m going to read something to you now, because i want you to have a better understanding of me, lisa explains to her, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in.

she nods, prompting lisa to continue.

lisa starts reading the journal entry.

“rosie asked me to stop running from her today. she seems to ask me that a lot. i’m not sure how to stop. i’m not good at explaining how i feel, that’s why i’m always writing in my journal every chance i get. that’s why i’m always writing about how i feel for her,” lisa pauses, her hands are visibly shaking.

rosé is quick to reach over and give lisa’s hand a reassuring squeeze. lisa looks up, giving her a soft smile.

rosé decides to lean forward and kiss her. it’s nothing new to them, they always share kisses. but lisa is still taken by surprise.

rosé notices the look on lisa’s face, “i’m so sorry, was that not okay? did i do that at the wrong time?”

lisa is quick to shake her head, “sorry if i seem shocked, i just didn’t expect you to kiss me while I’m reading this,” lisa answers truthfully.

rosé smiles, “lisa, i kiss you all the time. i know right now may not be an appropriate time because we are being serious but you smiled and i had to.”

lisa smiles again, then clears her throat.

rosé sits back in her original position, allowing lisa to continue.

“i don’t know if i will ever read any of these journal entries to rosie, i hope one day i can so she will know how i feel for her. i can never say my feelings for her out loud. i don’t know why. she always asks me to, but how do i say things to her face that i have only ever admitted on these pages? how do i tell her that every time she tells me i’m pretty, i get goosebumps all over my body? how do i tell her that i spend too much time thinking about the goosebumps on hers and how i want to trace every one to create constellations out of the spots so i can prove to her that she is the universe? how do i tell her that i have always had a hard time loving myself but every time she says my name, i feel so comfortable in my own skin? how do i tell her that every day i fall for something new about her but i’m afraid that if our eyes meet for too long, i’ll fall for a part of her that i won’t be able to hold? how do i tell her that when our hands touch, i feel every hair on the back of my neck stand up simply from our hands touching? how do i tell her that the small gestures she does for me are so big to me? how do i tell her i’m not running? how do i tell her i love her? it’s hard to find the right words to tell her how much i love her. but if i have to tell her every day, then i will. over and over, in different ways, different forms, different languages, different actions, until maybe someday she will realise that that is my way of telling her i love her. i won’t say it directly to her, but i will try to show her with my actions.”

by the time lisa has finished reading, rosé is sobbing and lisa quickly engulfs her into a hug. “rosie, i’m- i. i’m so sorry. did i make you cry? are you okay?” lisa is panicking. she has never seen her cry so much.

“lisa,” rosé takes a deep breath while reaching for the younger girls hands.

“god.. thank you for sharing this with me,” she smiles softly, taking one of her hands up to wipe her tears.

“you have a beautiful way with words, and i can’t lie you know i have been waiting to hear that for a long time now,” she chuckles.

lisa nods as rosé continues, “but hearing those words right now, and knowing you have felt that way about me for a long time, it just makes me love you even more.”

lisa smiles and brings rosé’s hands up to kiss them.

“i understand you having a hard time, and i definitely see the way you love me through your actions. the way you make me breakfast in bed after we had a long day the day before, the way you care for me every day, the way you treat me so gently, but you love me out loud,” she’s tearing up again and lisa pulls her into a tight hug, kissing her forehead.

“i want you to know that you will never fall for a part of me you won’t be able to hold. you know all of me, you know me better than i know myself. and the way you talk about me, i think it’s obvious that you can hold everything that comes with me,” lisa reaches out to wipe her tears.

“and you can take your time with saying those three words out loud to me, i understand now more than ever that you’re not running and i don’t want you to say it out loud until you feel ready to.”

“i’ve always been ready,” lisa says, “it’s just.. you’re my first love, and i have never said those words to someone in a romantic manner, you know?” rosé nods.

“that’s why i always try to show you in different ways, but i want to say it to you now,” she pauses, taking a deep breath in.

“take your time baby,” rosé squeezes her hands.

“i love you so much.”

rosé melts into her, “it feels so nice to hear that out loud.”

lisa giggles, “it may take me some time to be able to say it more openly, but i want to try for you.”

rosé looks up at her, “i appreciate you so much for trying, but always remember that i love you no matter what and i want you to take your time with things.”

lisa nods, “i know honey, you’re the best.”

she leans down to kiss rosé, both of them smiling.

lisa pulls away, “i love you.”