I think there is something really interesting in the potential toxic masculinity angle to this sl. Because even if it wasn’t something Dylan was conscious of, I think there’s a lot of questions this who situation asks of him.
Was this something he thought was expected of him? Or something he thought he was supposed to expect of Betsy. Would he have ever let her do the same to him, or does the novelty wear off when he’s the one at risk?
I also don’t think he’s really cognisant of exactly how much responsibility he was taking into his hands (ha). When he talks about it, he’s kinda representing himself and Betsy as equal partners in this exchange. But the truth is, even if she consents, once she’s in that position, she really has no control over how it’s carried out, no real way to keep herself safe. (Which is obviously a huge component of healthy power exchange relationships, that with that power there also comes increased responsibility. Part of the problem is that to them, that wasn’t really what this was, it was just something people do during sex.) And as much as he can say he didn’t know the risk — and I believe he didn’t know this one — everyone has the inherent knowdege that choking someone can be dangerous, how much consideration was he really putting in to Betsy’s safety? Why was it Betsy’s job to put herself at risk, but not his to keep her safe?
And I should add, that I really don’t think he’s the villain here, it’s just so much more complicated than that. In a sense he too was the victim of unrealistic standards of sex and masculinity being pushed onto teenagers, and of not being taught any better. Really, neither he or Betsy were able to give informed consent in this situation. And these things don’t inherently make him a bad person, most of them were probably ingrained in him without him really knowing, but that doesn’t make it not his responsibility to challenge them. And also oh my god. The concept of doing that much damage to someone you love because of your own naivety is genuinely really harrowing!! I dunno. I have to get back to sewing or they’re gonna kill me. But I’m so excited to see where this is gonna go.
