welcome to the swarla summer event!

It was late as DS Lisa Connor-Swain slipped silently into Number 6 Coronation Street. She was exhausted – beyond the normal tired of the day. It had, hands down, been the best – and worst – day of her career. The only light was coming from an under-the-cabinet light over the sink. Carla must have gone to bed, she thought.

She'd solved the case. The BIG case.

She didn't feel like calling it a win.

“Scale of one-to-ten, how are you feeling?” Came a quiet voice out of the darkness of the living room.

Lisa started. “Carla? Why are you sitting in the dark?” She peered through the gloom and carefully moved around the couch and sat down – apart from Carla.

Carla took a sip from her wine glass and set it down on the coffee table next to the half-empty bottle and slid a second glass across the table toward Lisa. “Thought you might need that.”

Lisa wasn't sure if Carla was angry, disappointed, or a combination of the two. She picked up the glass and went to take a sip, stopping just before her lips touched the rim. “Haven't poisoned this, have ya?” The joke fell flat as Lisa's voice cracked.

Carla slid closer and took the glass from her and pulled her into a tight hug. “Come 'ere.”

Lisa broke. It wasn't just the arrest; it was the arrest of someone she knew and liked, it was Betsy in hospital, it was Kit, and Harry, and Bethany. It was the impact this was going to have on Carla. It was just all too much, all of a sudden, and she collapsed against Carla, a sob caught in her throat as she clung to her wife, glad that Carla was still speaking to her, willing to hold her.

“I know, darling, today was hard, wasn't it?”

Lisa nodded against Carla's shoulder. Her shoulders shaking with the silent sobs wracking her frame.

She didn't know why she was this upset. She did her job. She got a killer off the street.

She did know why. It was one of those days where doing the job, doing the right thing, didn't feel right.

“Carla, I'm so sorry,” her voice had lost its swagger. It was rough and raw with tears – both shed and unshed.

“For what, darlin'?” Carla pulled back and looked at Lisa. “You didn't do owt wrong. You did your job. I know that, not gonna hold that against ya, am I?”

“I thought,” Lisa didn't actually know what she thought, “I thought you'd be angry. Or … maybe disappointed.”

She remembered arresting one of Becky's mates once; the bloke had done a smash and grab at a local jewelry store. Rebecca had been furious with her.

“How could you arrest him, Lisa? He's a good guy, family man, got kids n all! You coulda just lost some of the evidence, couldn't ya? Happens all the time.” She'd yelled at Lisa for over twenty minutes before slamming out of the house with, “gonna go see Pamela, see if there's anything I can do. I thought you were better than this. Stitching up a decent bloke for making a bad decision.”

“I'm sad. I'm worried about Sarah. And Harry. I'm disappointed in Sarah. But you? You did what you were supposed to do. I can't hold that against you, love.” Carla kissed the top of Lisa's head. “It was hard on you, was it?”

“Yeah,” Lisa nodded with a sigh, “yeah, it was. I like Sarah, Carla. Respect her, even. But … God, I don't know what to think. She's staying shtum on her attorney's advice but I just … I want to help her but I can't. I can't imagine her killing him in cold blood but that's what the evidence says.” She sighed again and slumped against Carla's side as her wife gently pulled her back to rest against the back of the couch. “I really shouldn't be telling you this.”

Carla wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. “It goes no further than this couch, Lise.” Carla hesitated. “I know I'm not a copper,” Lisa heard the like Becky was in Carla's voice. “But I can listen while you off-load whatever's on your mind.”

“Carla,” she wasn't sure how to say this. After all they'd been through, after everything Becky'd done, it still felt like, sometimes, Carla compared herself to Becky. “I don't need you to be … a copper. I just need you to be you.” She turned so she was facing Carla. “I know we talked about it, a bit, but you must know that, God, Carla … I don't …”

She saw Carla's soft smile in the dim light. “I know, love. I do. I just know that, on some level, she understood you more than I can because …” Carla shrugged, “she was on the job.”

“She was. And she was corrupt and not very good at her job. You,” she shook her head, “you may not understand police business like she did but, you understand me so much better than she ever did. And, that is so much more important to me. I love you, Carla. I was so worried that this was going to come between us. Worried it would damage our relationship.”

“Lise,” Carla cupped Lisa's cheek and caressed the apple of it, “Am I happy Sarah got arrested? No, course I'm not. But, you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything that would harm us by doing your job.”

Lisa leaned into Carla's palm and nodded. “Thank you, Carla.”

“You never have to thank me for loving you, darling,” Carla leaned in and kissed Lisa's lips; it wasn't passionate, just a gentle press of their lips.

“I love you, too, Carla.” Lisa felt the tension she'd been carrying in shoulders all day finally loosen.

Carla stood up and offered Lisa her hand. “Come on, let's get you to bed. I'm sure tomorrow is going to be another long day for you.”

Lisa allowed herself to be pulled off the couch and leaned into Carla as Carla slipped an arm around her shoulders, leading her to the stairs. Her day suddenly didn't feel so bad.

okay so to start: no i dont make all my notes super pretty. i mostly make all my notes on onenote, or i scribble them down in this notebook, but this is for swarla summer, i had to make it cute!!

the things i find most useful when planning a fic which takes place over a long period of time are: a calender, an idea of the themes, an idea of where you'll start and end, and sometimes a floorplan.

a calender is really useful when a fic is going over more than a few months, because then you can plot in people's birthdays and life events etc. like for hold me tight, a fic very rooted in Time, i knew i needed chapters for halloween, christmas, new years etc, and the calender helps keep u in order. also in this fic in partiuclar, lisa has a very lose grasp on time for a long time, but i as the author need to keep track of who is where and what is happening, even if my pov character can't

the themes / threads helps keep me focused, because i tend to want to cram every idea i have / everything i'm interested in into my current wip, and this helps keep me focused on what really matters. it also gives you a good idea of what the start and end will look like on a really basic level - i.e. lisa and betsy's relationship is poor, to lisa and betsy's relationship is much better. then i can think of how to get there lol

in this case, this fic is Really all about lisa's bodyily experiences - i found this post really helpful for considering all aspects of this. plotting it out like this not only really helps avoid plot holes, but also lends to the general vibe of each part of the fic, based on how lisa's feeling. i pace Very much on vibes, so getting the vibes is key lol

also bonus i Love making floor plans of locations if they're not a canon location (this is the swain's weatherfield flat which i think we only ever see the bathroom of?). this is fun for me because i love floorplans, and it helps keep the fic internally consistent, so i can describe moving through a space much more easily. this isn't essential because your reader probs won't notice if you mess up, but i really like, when writing tv show fic, imagining how it would be shot for TV, and a floorplan really helps with that :)

anyway i've been hacking this fic to pieces (i've probably got just as much in my 'not worth it' document as i have in my 'worth it' one!!) and i think i'm getting somewhere. as always, no promises, and this may come out six months from now or never at all. i do this for fun, and i never make my brain write when its no longer fun.

whoops thats a ramble. hello if you made it to the end!! bingo board time!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Lisa hated when Becky went out; not just because she was never invited (“You won't have any fun, love. You know how you get around groups of people. I won't be late.”). She was always late. Lisa was always in bed and, usually, asleep when Rebecca finally made her way home, smelling of booze and sweat. That wasn't the worst of it, though. She would come home horny and begin groping Lisa; not caressing or gently trying to wake her – full on groping like some teenage boy losing his virginity in the back seat of his father's car. And she didn't accept “No.” or “I'm knackered.” or, even, “I don't want to.” It became a game to see how long it would take to go from “no” to “yes”. And not an enthusiastic yes or even a resigned yes; it was a reluctant “fine, let's just get this over with.”

Worse yet were the nights when she came home and woke Lisa by singing, loudly, in the shower. She had a lovely voice but not at two in the morning when Lisa had to be up early. Those nights were marginally better because she didn't insist on sex; Lisa suspected it was because she'd already been with someone else – strange smells on Rebecca's shirts and the cliched lipstick stains on her collar. She'd deny it of course; “You're imagining things, love. Why would I go elsewhere when I've got you at home?” making Lisa think she was crazy.

The worst nights, however, were the nights she came home and didn't shower before getting into bed and groping Lisa; smelling of booze, sweat, and someone else's perfume. Lisa resisted harder on those nights but Rebecca wouldn't be denied. After they'd finished, Becky would roll over and be snoring in moments. Lisa would creep from the bed and get in the shower; the water as hot as she could stand it, her skin rubbed raw. Again, she'd confront Becky and there were always plausible excuses.

She'd tried to leave – more than once, actually. But, somehow, Becky always talked her round and she stayed. Once Betsy was born, leaving was no longer an option.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Carla sighed as she finally got home and took her shoes off. She hated these networking events and usually swerved them but tonight's event had promised that three big distributors would be in attendance; three big distributors that she'd been trying, unsuccessfully, to get meetings with. Tonight, she'd met two of the three and was able to charm them into meeting with her the following week. It was a good night but it was late and she was tired; she'd promised Lisa she'd be home by half ten and now it was gone midnight. The house was still and, except for the small light above the stove, dark.

Jacket hung up, purse left on Engagement Island, Carla headed upstairs for a shower and bed. She could have a bit of lie-in tomorrow; she'd told Sarah she'd be in late. She wondered, not for the first time, if she shouldn't start taking Sarah to these events. Maybe get her used to them. Maybe Michael, too. Start sending them to make contacts. She made a mental note to think about it seriously when she wasn't so knackered.

Lisa was asleep but, apparently, dreaming; her brow was furrowed and she was restless. Carla moved quietly and gently ran her fingers over Lisa's brow, smoothing the creases. She waited a moment, making sure Lisa was okay, then quickly gathered her night things.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Lisa woke, disoriented, to the sound of the shower running. She curled up into a tight ball and tried not to whimper; it's not like it would stop Becky but Lisa didn't want her to know that she was distressed.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Carla stepped out of the en suite and stopped short of the bed; Lisa was curled up tightly, shoulders tense. She sighed softly; she recognized this position – it was, what Carla referred to as , “The Becky Position”. Lisa ended up in this position after a nightmare or a particularly bad flashback. She felt guilty, afraid that her being late may have triggered this one; she'd texted Lisa to know she'd be late but that didn't always matter to Lisa's subconscious.

She moved carefully to the bed, trying not to make any sharp noises or sudden movements that would startle Lisa. Kneeling by the side of the bed, wincing as her knees cracked, she whispered, soft and low, “Lisa? Baby, can you hear me? It's Carla, darling. You're safe, I'm here. You're alright, love.”

It took several repetitions before Lisa started to unfurl. In the dim light, Carla could see Lisa's eyes; swimming in resignation and fear, bright with unshed tears.

“Oh, baby,” she reached out, slowly, deliberately, making sure Lisa saw her, and gently cupped Lisa's face, stroking her thumb against the apple of Lisa's cheek.

“C-carla?” A hoarse question, whispered uncertainly.

“It's me, babe.”

“Oh.” Carla watched as Lisa's body completely unfurled and relaxed. “I'm sorry.”

“Nowt for you to be sorry about, love. I'm sorry I was so late getting home.” Carla felt awful; she knew there wasn't much she could have done about it but it didn't make her feel any better knowing Lisa'd had a rough go of it.

Lisa shook her head and breathed out a heavy sigh, shaking her head. “Not your fault, love. You texted me, I knew you were going to be late. Just …”

“I know.” Carla nodded her understanding.

“Are you coming to bed or you going to punish your knees all night?” Lisa smiled wanly.

Carla smiled back and used the mattress to leverage herself up, groaning as her knees cracked again and her back protested the change in position. “When did I get old?” She asked, slipping in next to Lisa and opening her arms, offering Lisa their comfort.

Lisa moved immediately into them, snuggling as close to Carla as she could; face buried against Carla's collarbone, hand placed over Carla's heart as Carla wrapped her up tightly.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Lisa sighed and melted into Carla as she wrapped her arms around Lisa. Home. This is what home felt like.

“You alright? Wan'ter talk about it?” Carla's voice was low, gentle, calming.

“Becky used to go out.” Lisa started. “Without me because she said I wouldn't have fun. She'd be late coming home and, there were nights, I was sure she'd been with someone else. It wasn't so bad if she showered and got into bed.” Lisa paused. Of course it was bad. Becky cheated on her. She knew it but she allowed it to happen, let Becky talk her around. Lisa choked back a sob. “The nights she came home and didn't shower were always worse. Either way, she was horny and my feelings didn't matter. The nights she came home smelling of booze and sweat were bad enough,” the sob broke free and curled tighter into Carla, her tears drenching Carla's nightshirt, her hand forming a tight fist against Carla's hip, pulling Carla even closer.

Carla ran a hand over Lisa's back and stroked through her hair with the other hand. “Oh, babe,” she murmured against the top of Lisa's head. “I love you. I'm here. I've got you.”

When the sobs finally slowed to sniffles and hiccups, Lisa released her hold on Carla's hip and pulled back a little. “Sorry. Got you all wet,” her tone was low and apologetic.

Carla waved it off. “Not the first time you've gotten me wet, babe,” she grinned cheekily and Lisa had to chuckle.

“You're ridiculous.” Lisa sighed. “Thank you.”

“I love you, Lise. You never have to thank me for that.” Carla searched Lisa's face. “There was more, wasn't there?”

Lisa nodded and curled back into Carla's arms. “The worst nights,” she continued, her voice just audible, “were when she came home drunk, smelling of booze, sweat, and somebody else. When she didn't bother showering. Just came to bed and …” she shook her head, not wanting to give voice to it.

“Oh, baby,” Carla sighed and held her close.

“What was wrong with me? Why wasn't I enough? Why couldn't I leave?” Lisa knew Carla didn't have the answers but those questions had haunted her before Becky “died”. After, Lisa had forgotten all of the bad stuff. Nostalgia, guilt, maybe her own mind trying to protect her, had pushed all those memories into a small box and shut the lid.

“Hey,” Carla pulled back, again, until she was looking Lisa in the eyes, “there's nowt wrong with you. The fault lies in her. She was wrong. Bent in more ways than one. Take it from me, you are more than just enough. You, my darling, are everything. More than I ever dreamed of, more than I ever thought I deserved.” She pressed a kiss to Lisa's forehead. “She never deserved you. And you certainly didn't deserve the way she treated you.” She put her forehead lightly against Lisa's. “As for why you didn't leave? You know, better than anyone, how hard it is to leave a situation like that. You loved her, you gave her the benefit of the doubt because she said she loved you. You know it's not black and white. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had and she took advantage of your trust and your love. And then there was Betsy.”

“Yeah,” Lisa conceded; she knew Carla was right but knowing and believing were two different things, weren't they?

“You'll get there, Lise. One day, all of this will be behind you and I promise you,” she made sure she had Lisa's attention, “I promise you, I will never hurt you like that. I will never cheat on you, I will never abuse your love or your trust. If you ever want to go to one of these networking things, I won't stop you,” she smiled at Lisa. “I will never give you cause to worry that I don't want you around because I always want you around. Alright?”

“Alright,” Lisa smiled back at her and took a deep breath in. “I'm wrung out, love. Is it okay if we just go to sleep?”

“Course it is.” Carla pulled her close again. “We can sleep in tomorrow; you're off and I told Sarah I'd be late. We can go to Roy's for a late breakfast.” Carla kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, Carla,” Lisa yawned against Carla's collarbone, her hand again finding Carla's heartbeat. “You're so good to me.” She felt sleep pulling her under, safe and warm and loved, in Carla's arms.

“I love you,” she heard Carla's whisper as she faded. “Always.”

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

hmm... hmm... hmm... I am being so brave about this feeling that comes from doing something as a total beginner for the first time and being perceived doing it.

Foxes

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“What was that?”

“Just foxes. Right, last dance, you. Come on.” Carla stood up and held out her hand. “Come on!”

Lisa smiled fondly at her wife – her wife! – before standing up and allowing Carla to lead her to the factory's makeshift dance floor. Surrounded by soft lights, Underworld boxes – both empty and full – and quiet sewing machines, they melted into each other's arms; smiling, foreheads touching, noses bumping gently. The strains of Dinah Washington singing “I Wanna Be Loved” filtered through the bluetooth speaker Ryan had left behind and Carla had, finally, learned how to use.

Their quiet moment was violently interrupted by a panicked Lauren.

“Carla! Lisa! You gotta come! Betsy …”

Lisa's blood froze in her veins at the words. They didn't hesitate; still holding hands, they kicked off their shoes and ran after a surprisingly sober Lauren.

When they reached the bottom of the scaffolding, Betsy was backed against the brick wall, eyes wide, one hand covering her open mouth.

“Betsy!” “Bets!” Carla and Lisa reached for her and she looked at them as though she'd never seen them before, then pointed toward the ground.

Ten fee away lay a very dead Theo.

“Oh, Bets.” Lisa was caught between mom mode and DS mode. She needed to secure the scene, needed to call it in, needed to comfort Betsy.

“Right, come 'ere you,” Carla made it easy; she pulled Betsy into a tight side hug and led her away from the scene. “Lauren, call 999 and give your phone to Lisa, yeah? Let her do her thing. Lisa, darling, I love you, but if you get blood on your wedding clothes this may be the shortest marriage since mine and Nick's.”

Lisa chuffed a small laugh, knowing Carla was doing her best to deflect from the horror as she led Betsy away.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The blues and twos were quick. Wiley and Waghorn were right behind them; they took over securing the scene and wanted to take Betsy to the station to get her statement. Lisa told Betsy they'd be right behind her in a cab; neither of them was exactly sober enough to drive. They called a cab, then went back to Underworld to get their phones and shoes, and to lock up and set the alarm; clean up could wait.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“What is taking them so long? What do they think she can tell them?” Carla's tone was bordering on a screech as she paced the ten steps from the door to Lisa's desk.

“Carla,” she sighed, “Wiley probably started and then Waghorn joined him, so they made her go over it again.” She stood up and intercepted her wife as Carla started another lap. “Darling, I'm so sorry. I know this isn't exactly what we'd planned for our wedding night.”

Carla barked a surprised laugh. “Bloody hell, Lise, the whole day didn't exactly go to plan, did it?” She allowed Lisa to pull her in for a hug, the two of them drawing comfort from one another. “I'm just worried about Betsy.” Her voice softened as she pulled away, without breaking contact, to look at Lisa properly. “She wasn't exactly sober when she left the wedding to go into town with Lauren. And then Lauren came and nicked two bottles of wine; she thinks I didn't see her. How Lauren didn't break her leg running to get us is a miracle.” She drew in a deep breath and let it out in a frustrated sigh. “Of course, we weren't exactly sober either. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to go home.”

“I am, too, darling. It shouldn't be much longer. Carla …” Lisa was worried about broaching the subject of their honeymoon.

“Already canceled. Did it while we were in the cab. We'll plan for later, when all this is settled down.” Carla tucked an errant piece of hair behind Lisa's ear.

Lisa felt the tension in her shoulders slough off; she really needed to stop expecting Carla to react like … no, not today. “You … how did you even know what I was going to say?”

Carla gave her a soft smile. “I knew you'd eventually think about it and, when you said my name just now, it was hesitant; like you were afraid I was going to be angry or upset.” She tenderly cupped Lisa's cheek. “I know you, Lise,” she spoke quietly, “you'd be worried about disappointing me but you wouldn't want to leave Betsy right now. Course you wouldn't. Neither would I.”

“You know, we've been married for less than twenty-four hours and you're already the best wife ever.” Lisa leaned up and pressed a gentle kiss against Carla's lips.

“I love you and I love Betsy. It's the three of us, yeah? And Ryan.” She smirked.

“I love you, Carla Connor-Swain.” Lisa smiled.

“Forever?” Carla smirked faded into something softer; her eyes bright, crinkling at the corners.

“Forever.” Lisa knew that was the easiest promise she'd ever make.