I haven’t written in a long time - even though I’ve felt a lot.

none of my girlfirends

would i want back,

but i hope

that each one regrets

the day that she left me.

always hard times.

always on a decline.

even though we all cried,

they were relieved to be leaving.

let the lead(Pb) go

find

the bottom

by himself.

i have a message for you, my old girlfriend:

i know you can't regret the day you met me.

we had some good times.

maybe more of them comin.

maybe more than many fathers and mothers

who still, maybe, stay with each other.

but you

let the lead find the bottom.

you let the lead

go find the bottom

you let the lead

find

the bottom

"Joseph Heath and Andrew Potter explore this contradiction in their 2004 book, “Nation of Rebels: How Counterculture Became Consumer Culture.” They argue that contemporary consumer culture is driven not by a desire to keep up with the Joneses but by the opposite impulse: to individuate. We believe our purchases distinguish us from a perceived mainstream of numb consumers, so we cannot stop buying things."

going through drawers, getting ready to clear out of this already sentimental apartment, i found another half-empty book with some poems i wrote not too long ago.

i sucked in ten thousand missing days.

and the ground quaked.

and my heart shook.

and my lungs burned.

and my face was red.

and i knew i had been running.

i blew out a storm across new states.

and the ground quaked.

and my heart broke.

and my blood flowed out

'til my limbs were all but empty.

     and the wind froze everything it touched as far as i could see up ahead of me so my feet stopped moving.

and i quit breathing.

i dedicated today to myself:  reading, writing, walking, three meals, therapy, massage, yoga*.  i think i feel alright.

*i reanimated my dormant, nascent yoga practice, tonight.  as class began, i was instantly struck by the potent feeling of ritual in the room, a gathering of us with an intent that gave the night a weight that felt like life lived, rather than time passed.  not sure why i chose to start out with a "core and inversions" class, though.