pon de beach

video game abstractions are something else. i'm leveling Culinarian in FFXIV and i hit level 56. "hold on," i say to nobody in particular, and put my frying pan (hot, wet with freshly cooked sauce) back on my hip. "before I make any more hollandaise sauce, i need a better knife." there in my pocket, it awaits: a knife whose titanium edge is so keen that only a level 56 Culinarian can so much as grasp it. so i do that. and now i have no need for my old knife; it has served me well, but it physically cannot be used by any other. it is inextricably bound to my soul. i cooked with it before, you see. one cook per knife only. so i take it into my hands one last time and disintegrate it into various magical crystals. the concentrated fire essence extracted from within can be used to make more hollandaise sauce

i love getting to see day one expac launch bugs such as "eating pizza breaks male au ra faces" and "syrcus tower now has savage level difficulty mechanics"

I was about 30 minutes past having scrolled by this when my Tumblr feed bugged, and suddenly every single post was replaced by this one. Not even reblog spam or anything, it just plain overlaid the existing posts, tags and all. I've never felt more in-tune with what it means to browse Tumblr

i disrespect the grind

kid in the library just said "a VILLAIN who lives in the MOON is after us" so keep an eye out for that today guys

this passes the bechdel test

i was gonna say “but they don’t have names!” but they do. the blonde’s name is dumb thotticus and the brunette’s name is m-seq

strong contender for post of the decade

oh sure when charmander is weak to a bunch of kanto gyms it’s “gone through a lot” and “a warrior” and “the best starter for players who want hard mode” but when chikorita is weak to a bunch of the johto gyms suddenly it’s “garbage” and “useless” and “the worst starter of all time” 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔