WHAT YOUR MARIO KART CHARACTER CHOICE MEANS
mario: iâve never played before
luigi: I like to support the UNDERDOG because Iâm so TOLERANT
yoshi: a good solid choice, equally helpful in the series and a cute character. calls them yaw-shee instead of yoh-shee but non-obnoxious and is there to have a good time
peach: basic ass white bitch OMG LOOK A PRINCESS!! or Isnât It So Funny How Iâm An Older Man Playing As A Pink Princess
daisy: what the fuck are you doing with your life
bowser: I enjoy cruising as slowly as possible along every course to take in all the pixeled views
donkey kong: really cool and lowkey. very popular, doesnât need to show off because everyoneâs always paying attention to you anyway
wario: I used the randomised character feature or really enjoy a quite average spinoff game series. still thinks dabbing is funny
waluigi: meme queenâ˘ď¸ or your weird uncle who hasnât played the game before
koopa troopa: doesnât question authority. best friends with yoshi player. lowkey a good player
toad: wants to be a smol cute bean but is actually 40 and bearded
toadette: will stop playing halfway through the race to flirt with someone
baby mario: attention seeking. posts snapchats of them singing with the dog filter
baby luigi: has been through a lot, emotional baggage, just wants to get through this one race. reliable friend
baby peach: massive bitch. pick a real character hoe
baby daisy: will come last in the race
baby bowser: irritating and whiny as fuck. no patience
birdo: I wear acrylic nails and my hair looks like straw
metal mario: wishes they could just be mario but knows theyâll appear basic
dry bones: still shops at hot topic
mii: boring af. only got invited out of pity





















