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There are moments that we cannot explain or understand so many happenings in our life and sharing it with other people, people that you shared the same experiences or people with the same faith will make it more easier to go through everything. As you spend time with them, you will understand the hows, and whys of life. It always doesn’t matter if you’re not moving really really fast like they always say, the important things are you’re moving forward, you’re growing, you’re with the right people, and you’re in the right path. We will always fail but that’s part of growing if you will never fail you will never really understand everything because that’s how God orchestrated it. Everything will fall into the right places, as long as you never fail to forget the reasons why you’re where you are right now and you’re purpose.

“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields life empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation.” — Habakkuk 3:17 – 18

There are more from this story but anyway hope you’ll enjoy! 💛

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When you’re the girl who is always there for others — you feel a lot. You have depths within you, an ocean for a heart, and you keep falling for people who are too scared to swim. You give and you give and you give; tearing pieces of your paper soul into the smallest of fragments just to set someone else aflame.

You hurt. My god, do you hurt. You ache, wondering if someone will ever give you the love you so freely give to others, wondering if there will come a time when someone asks how you are doing, how you are coping, how you are healing.

And when that doesn’t happen, you heal yourself. You find strength in things other than people. You find energy in your solitude, you find hope in your daydreams. You build yourself up, tell yourself that you don’t need anyone to save you, that you don’t need anyone to steady your foundation.But you do.

See, sometimes the girl who is always there for everyone else, needs someone there for her. Sometimes, the girl who smiles the biggest holds the biggest hurt. Sometimes the girl who is always the person who wipes the tears of others, goes home and cries lakes into the midnight hour. Sometimes the girl who encourages everyone around her needs to be told that she is appreciated, that she matters; sometimes she needs to be encouraged herself.

So, if you’re the girl who is always there for others, know that your heart is rare. Know that you hold within you an ability to calm storms in people, a beautiful gift that has relieved sore eyes and hurt minds. Know that you give people hope, that you inspire them by acknowledging the pieces of them most ignore, that you make people feel wanted, that you make people feel like they have purpose.

The Girl

She’d been caught up on her busy world that she forgets to heal her body and mind from exhaustion. All she’d been doing is making the best of everyday, spend it with anything that will make her forget negative thoughts. Live and run for what she wanted in life. There are times that she feels the positive energy, the creative and crazy mind she always have gets wild of ideas she wanted to have and do. She’s running her own dreams. She’s afraid to love again because of the past she had. Her heart is still healing slowly and no matter what, the feeling of being broken and shattered again freaks her out and causes her depression and anxiety to go back.

Though I always wanna talk to you, I don’t wanna bother you anymore. Ever again. That’s why here I am on the verge of unfollowing you on all social media accounts we’re connected at, because though this may seem exaggerated or unnecessary, I just really have to stop seeing your name and photos anywhere. This is my only chance at finally trying to stop liking you — and I hope it really helps because this is a risk to our friendship. You may or may not notice this, but just in case you do, I hope you don’t react negatively. I don’t know till when I must do this. Or if I’ll ever do. But I will really try my best to get back to you as a friend — without feeling anything for you more than that. Some say I must at least let you know that I like you before I let you go — which is ironic because there’s nothing about you for me to let go of since I haven’t even had you, right? But truth be told, it indeed is harder to let go of something or someone you haven’t really had because it’s like trying to keep a handful of sand only to find them falling as you grasp them tightly. It’s like trying to write a promise on water which will eventually get erased as soon as it is written. It’s trying to inhale all the air around you only to find yourself exhausted because you will never be able to do that.

But though I have considered telling you my feelings for a lot of times — and I really mean that — a bigger part of me reminds me that I should not do so because it’s just not right. I have nothing against women who initiate and make the first move, in fact, I admire them so much for their courage and strength because that’s a little rare nowadays. And somehow, it just manifests how strong and sincere their feelings are for the guy they like. A lot of times I thought I could be that kind of woman, too, but I chose and choose not to. It’s just that, much as I welcome and appreciate how modern and changed things and norms are, I still distinguish myself as that type who continues to embrace the traditional. And for me, it’s not an issue to still believe and live by the traditions of letting men take the lead. At times I get shy that I still live by the old norms but I’ve realized I must take pride in it. It’s just a matter of personal preferences and there’s nothing wrong about that. Women can feel empowered in so many different ways. As for me, I still cling on what the Bible says, that men should take the lead because they were designed to take the lead. As a woman of faith, this means a lot to me. And I keep on reminding myself every time I’m triggered to just confess my feelings to the man I like, “I should not chase after him because I am the catch.” This is not about me thinking so highly of myself. It’s just that for me, I know my worth and I know what I deserve. I am worth pursuing. I am worth seeking. I am worth loving. And a love that is strong and brave enough to actually present itself to me is what I deserve. God’s will for me is what I deserve. People may call me idealistic or hopeless romantic or any other names and terms, but this time I wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t mind because I am finally sure that my decision to wait is right. At times I may get impatient and insecure (and I really do. I often do), but I should always remember that I am secured in God’s plans and promises.

So there they are — my reasons for not telling you I like you though I like you so damn much. And yes, I’ve written all of them here, but you’re never going to read them because I’m never gonna send this to you. These are for my girl friends‘ eyes only (and to anyone who will read my blog, just in case I decide to post it.) For now, all I can and must do is to pray for you. Yes, I will pray for you. I have always prayed for you, and you know that because I’ve always told you that — when we were still on speaking terms. I actually don’t know why we stopped talking. You just sort of drifted away but I don’t blame nor question you for that. It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I’ll always pray for you, not for you to be mine, but for you to always be happy, healthy, and safe. I won’t be able to tell you these straight to your inbox and more so to your face, but God knows that a lot of my prayers and stories are about you. And I will let that be as long as I have this thing for you. I will try to let this fade, but I won’t force for it to happen so quickly because that’s just gonna make it worse. Instead, I’m gonna let it die a natural death — like what they say. I don’t know when it’s gonna be, but I know it will happen.

“Thank you.” That was all I ever wanted to say. Thank you because you made me believe that I was your princess. Thank you for lifting me up when I was down. Thank you because you helped me move on from the past. Thank you for helping me gain courage to face the truth – that everything will not be the same as before.

I was never yours and you were never mine. There was never an us. But what we had was great and it was special. For me, everything we had was real. You taught me to lower my pride when it comes to love. You picked me up and made me whole again. I couldn’t ask for anything else because everything seemed so perfect. My life became so full of love and excitement. I found myself falling in love. You also promised me a lot of things – that I would be your only girl, and that you would give me your whole life and your heart. You asked me to stay and I did. But where are you now? I never thought that everything we had would disappear and I never thought that you would let it happen. I trusted you. I even defended you from the people who tried to judge you – yet you just proved that they were right about you.

Why did you leave me hanging? Never did I imagine that the person who made me whole again would be the same person who was going to shatter my heart into tiny pieces. You just left me all alone without a word. You never said goodbye, and that hurt me even more. If everything we had was real then how can you be fine? How was it so easy for you to throw it all away? I guess I just have to understand that maybe, just maybe, we came into each other’s life to serve as a lesson.