May or may not be an insect

But it’s not so enjoy

eyes emoji was the perfect invention for nosy people. like 👀 whats going on over here 👀👀 i just wanna know #LetMeKnow 👀👀👀

official mama post

(walking and twitching with a meandering direction muttering to myself) dumb fucking idiots, im gonna kill you all, im going to fucking kill you *approaching stranger on sidewalk who looks slightly concerned* (suddenly straightens up, puts on a million dollar smile, and starts waving) how ya doin? the rain makes me so god damn gleeful, it fills me with boundless energy and joy, tell me you can feel it my friend

fyi. being intensely self critical is not the same as being self aware. if you’re really self aware you’ll be aware of the good stuff too. just in case anyone needs to hear it. don’t mistake constantly dissecting what you see as your flaws for some kind of personal enlightenment.

The prevalence of the coyote as a trickster in American myth, the jackal as a trickster in African myth, and the fox as a trickster in Eurasian myth proves that the Funny Dogy is a staple across cultures

the best part of getting ur driver’s license is that u can fuck your car unprotected

It's hilarious to me that Al Capone was an amazing tipper. I get why it took so long to catch him.

Every video I see of Erika Kirk is more annoying than the last. I can’t imagine going home to that every day, you do start to understand why Charlie shot himself

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.