SOLID GOLD! *

( a sun wukong playlist!  )

SOLID GOLD ;; pnau  //  SUNSHINE SUPERMAN ;; donovan  //  HUSTLER ;; simian mobile disco  //  HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN ;; the animals  //  NAH IDLE ;; popcaan  //  BROTHER SPORT ;; animal collective //  GO OFF ;; mia  //  TANE MAHUTA ;; the ruby suns  //  YOU’LL FIND A WAY ;; santigold  //  the gentle roar ;; niki & the dove  //  BEG, STEAL, OR BORROW ;; babyshambles  //  SHORT SKIRT, LONG JACKET ;; cake  // LOSER ;; beck  //  MOTHER NATURE’S SON ;; the beatles  //  AFFAIRS ;; morris

          “…do they at least have stripes?”

    “I’m rather afraid to ask what you thought they were.”

   Study, attend class, eat, and sleep–a schedule one withheld and rarely deviated from its path of least resistance. It wasn’t that Scarlet didn’t like his teammate, they were–…fine. Loud, rambunctious, a bit of a mess, but overall, fine. He merely hadn’t the trust nor confidence yet to properly approach, to speak up among their idle conversations, or to bark when they were interrupting much needed time to oneself.  

   –That, though, is what the courtyard was for; a place to metaphorically stretch ones wings, and gain much needed air to clear mind after a long day of academics. Not one to shirk his duties already had Scarlet finished essays and work sheets, merely leaving the dorm empty to Sun’s own space. Though never would Macaw approach fellow Faunus of it, it wasn’t particularly difficult to note Sun’s slower work, or the flicker of frustration one may catch in reading eyes. He deserved a bit of space, and quiet to work.

   Yet eventually, Scarlet’s time alone slowly came to close as one picked himself up, grabbed discarded coat to sling over shoulder, and returned back to the halls of Haven. A soft click of boots, a pause before dorm-rooms threshold, and upon slipping inside does voice ring in his ears, eyes of emerald catching the pair that looked back.

   “…Yeah.”

   Roughened murmur, throat quickly cleared; yet, instead of scurrying away to ones own bunk, Macaw takes cautious steps toward Sun’s, if only curious to how Simian’s time alone benefited his work-flow. One that–…well, was hidden by textbook, and a crimson brow quirks in quiet wonder. 

                 his mother always told him he should never be ashamed- of who he was, how he grew up, what he did to survive - but there is indeed a well of it nestled at the core of his stomach because what kind of team leader could he be if he could barely read? he still has no idea. all that unbridled confidence he usually boasts sits in front of insecurities he’s never been able to truly bury. they’re always there, just below the surface. 

                scarlet comes closer instead of heading to his own bunk, and simian feels as though he’s about to be caught doing something wrong. instead of addressing anything potentially exposing or emotional, sun goes the route he always does and plays it off. 

                “yea, i’m thinkin’ of just blowing this paper off. i can’t even think straight!” he runs a hand through blond locks, scratching a little at his scalp. the textbook slips just a little bit, enough to show the only thing sun has written on the paper is his name and the date, the month of which is spelled wrong. 

          🌙 // it’s hard for her to be encouraging, to look on the bright side when she’s consistently done the opposite on her own. blake hardly thinks that she’s an authority on things like this, doubts her ability to provide any really valuable insight or advice because she can’t say much outside of conjecture, but she does know that she thinks the world of sun. he’s kind, thoughtful, perhaps a little reckless and impulsive but he really just wants to help the people around him–he’d traveled across remnant with her without even being asked, just because he thought she might need someone to lean on while she was finding herself. turns out she did.

          can she make him see himself the way she she does, though? probably not, but she can share her faith in him. shed some light on the parts of himself that he might overlook. comfort him and support him the same way he’s always done with her, from the very first weekend they spent together all the way up until now. he deserves that.

          “the choices you make… aren’t always going to make everyone happy. that’s the case no matter what you’re doing.” ears pin back slowly, a sudden pull within her chest drawing her even closer toward the other faunus, her free hand gently touching the fabric of his shirt near his shoulder where she knows his own scar lies beneath. she leans in, nudges his jaw gently with the bridge of her nose, keeping close to him as her tone dips just barely above a whisper, “all you can do is ask for their forgiveness. they have a right to be angry with you, but that doesn’t mean they will be forever–if you’re truly sorry, and i can tell that you are, they’ll see that. and you want to do better, so ask them how. scarlet, sage, and neptune care about you, sun, and i know they’ll help you if you just ask. you can’t keep asking yourself these questions without going to them for answers or you’ll just keep running in circles.”

                   there are times when blake reminds him a lot of his mother, but not in some...creepy freudian way, but moreso that she was wise beyond years, and her compassion was her biggest strength. she tells him that his choices won’t always make everyone happy, despite that being exactly what sun wants to do. he wants everyone he comes in contact with to smile, because they deserve it. but it often leaves him lacking a smile himself, or one that doesn’t feel genuine. 

                  and deep down, he knows she’s right. blake is smart, and if anyone could relate to leaving other behind, well...he won’t say it out loud, he doesn’t want to upset her, but he has a feeling she already knows why she’s the one he presented this problem to. 

          🌙 // “no,” she chides him gently, a hint of sternness in her voice as she shakes her head slightly, “it’s okay. it’s not stupid–it’s okay to admit that you have faults. that you’re not perfect. but that doesn’t mean you can’t improve.”

          blake, while not a leader herself, has seen the difference in jaune and ruby since she reunited with the group–how they’ve grown, how they depend on each other for support and learn from each other and their mistakes. how they have both grown into their roles despite their reservations, and how they still often question themselves. she wouldn’t be surprised to learn that feeling never goes away. sun may not have made the same strides they have just yet, but she firmly believes that he has it in him.

          “your team respects you. they care about you. i know they want to see you succeed, too,” her hand lifts from his chest, instead resting along the curve of his jawline where her thumb gently brushes his cheek, “you can be a great leader. you were chosen to lead your team for a reason, and i don’t believe that was a mistake–it was an opportunity to push yourself to become the best version of you that you can be. take it. and don’t forget that it’s okay to ask for help, too.”

                        now that he’s already out here, sun feels exposed in a way he doesn’t like. but he doesn’t want to insult blake by backtracking. but he wonders if anything will be solved now that he’s opened his big mouth. she’s so sincere with him, so honest and true and he loves it but deep down he wants to tell her no, that while she may believe what she says, sun doesn’t. 

                      childish, maybe, but he doesn’t want to hope for something in the future that he may or may not be able to rise to. he wants to already be there. stupid to think...but he wants to be able to protect everyone already. eyes glance down to her waist, where he knows a scar to lie by someone who had no right to leave it on her person. guilt feels a lot like indigestion. 

          🌙 // whatever blake had been expecting, it certainly wasn’t anything close to what sun actually asks her. ears perk slightly, brows furrowing together slightly as she struggles to understand for a moment exactly what he’s asking her, because the question is decidedly abstract–what made him wonder in the first place? how much doubt does he carry with him over this?

          “yes, sun,” despite her initial silence, there’s not a hint of hesitation in the feline’s answer, “of course i do. intelligence is more than just a measure of what and how many things you know… there’s a very special kind of ‘smart’ that comes from a connection between your heart and your head,” she reassures him, moving in just a bit closer to the blonde to rest her open palm over his heart, chilled fingers a start contrast to the warmth of his skin, “and you have that in spades. your intelligence doesn’t come from classes or books or test scores… it’s based on your lived experience. that’s just as important as anything else.”

                    he had no reason to be worried about her misconstruing what he had been asking, or making fun of him for it. how child-like of a question is it though? to just ask out of nowhere ‘hey do you think i’m a smarty pants?’ but blake takes it in stride, and answers with honesty that he has a hard time ignoring. she truly does consider him to be intelligent, but in his own way. the knows he’s not smart when it comes to conventional meanings of the word. 

          🌙 // a part of her wants to be disappointed that he doesn’t take the thinly veiled opportunity she presents him, but a more empathetic and reasonable part reminds blake that it’s not always that simple–he’s always been kind, patient. attentive, a whole array of wonderful things when approaching her demons, and she should extend that same level of understanding to him. he’ll open up to her when he’s ready.

          despite his dismissal of her initial approach, blake lingers there for a moment in case she’s needed in any other capacity, giving him ample time to decide whether he wants her to stay or go. much to the feline’s surprise, sun appears to backpedal on the decision he’d made just moments earlier, addressing her with a question that seems innocuous enough, but often precedes something much bigger than itself.

          “of course, sun. anything.”

                     how does he ask what he wants to ask? he’s not good with words, that’s the whole problem he’s having. and he doesn’t want it to come off bigger than it is, or bigger than he wants it to be. and he doesn’t want her to laugh at him. not that he thinks blake ever would, but...you never know. 

          🌙 // it’s relatively easy to see that she doesn’t quite believe him–her concern is written across her face, clear in the way eyes narrow slightly and brows knit together beneath dark fringe. an ear flicks, arms folding slowly across her chest, and she observes him for another couple of seconds as she shifts her weight from one leg to the other. “…okay, sun. but you know if there were something on your mind, you could talk to me about it without feeling guilty or ashamed, right?”

                       her expression does little to help him think he gets away with it, but blake isn’t the type of person to push him when he doesn’t want to be. sun just has a hard time letting down his shield of good will. there was always something to smile about, right, “yea, yea i know,” he nods his head, before stopping to think a moment.

          🌙 // she knows that look–it’s not often that she sees anything akin to it on sun, though. she frowns thoughtfully, ears tipping back just a bit, and leans in toward him slightly to speak in a low voice.

          “something on your mind, sun…?”