sunflowers poetry

I screw up everything And i have to let you know it Because I don't want to screw it up But it will happen Cause that's who I am Cause I don't know anything else And even if it looks so good right now Like nothing bad can happen I know it will I feel it in my bones Everything is going to crash And I can't fight it at all It's just the way it is It's just the way I am I screw up everything And I have to let you know Because I still wish you would stay.

Have you ever thought of how You once known a person so perfectly What's his favorite ice cream flavor and  How he loves when your mouth brush on his collar bone So gently he giggles  And now you don't even know if he still prefers pancakes and chocolate chip cookies over any other breakfast Or if he still sleeps on his stomach Or if he still loves to sing that song that used to be your favorite Or if he still takes all the blanket to himself but always denys it  Have this thought ever crossed your mind How you were once so close to a person And how now you can't even remember their smile.

Im so afraid of this feeling of going backwards like nothing has changed and I'm still that young broken hearted girl who waits for your phone calls at 3am.

I keep waiting by the phone for you to miss me enough to call

Be kind to me Even when i'm mad about something that looks Small or irrelevant Everything just needs to be So perfect  I got to have all the control Because you see, for me it was different I grew with a father Who didn't care at all  And I always wanted Something just like this That I'm so afraid I'll mess up That I'll turn to be- Be kind to me Just try to understand I want it to be so perfect Like all I wished but never had.

I heared The solid "NO" again It was made from heartbreaking Soul crashing material It was everything I was afraid of. Yet I am here Running barefoot on concrete floor I refuse to let this "NO" make me as solid  I am fluid I am the whole damn pacific ocean As deep As meaningfull  And until I will hear  My solid "YES" I am running wild Wrapped in a sweater made of heart breaking Soul crashing material.