Lazy should be an occupation

Love when Tumblr recommends me a post based on my likes and the post is just a picture of a cardboard box filled with water

I’ve seen this photo set a million times and I had no idea it was catfish. I thought this was from a scripted comedy show of some sort.

ADHD is so funny it's like I diagnose you with lazy inconsiderate fuckup disease. And it's incurable. Here's meth

babe are you okay you reblogged got that fog in me 11 times

wait, i did? i don't remember doing that...

woke up and immediately checked the news to make sure they hadn't caught him

Whereas you push little dogs over and they’re all like “Vengeance! Death before dishonor!”

I am. Dogs never know what to expect from me. I walk by and suddenly they’re on the ground and don’t even know what (figuratively) hit ‘em. I don’t even stick around, I vanish into the wind and they never see me again.

i hate australian people they need a dumb fucking nickname for every single word. can’t even get in a car accident without some australian asshole coming up to you and saying “oh gotcha self in a carblammy there aintcha mate” kill yourself and go to hell

I was bleeding out in the snow and it was all cool and stuff until like a bunch of teenager showed up and then It got really cringe so I put all the blood back and went to go bleed out somewhere else but all the good bleed out places were taken so I decided just to die like a natural peaceful death like look overlooking the Cliffside but lo and behold somebody's already fucking dying there against a tree and it looks way sicker than what I had planned I guess I'll just fucking live

I am too caught up in the first two-thirds of the first sentence to care about the gross negligence of civic duty or whatever going down below.

which is multiple times a year because i have many legal identities is the funniest thing ive read today

free my man he did all of it but i dont care

the CEO shooter

we need to make using chatgpt embarrassing bc sorry it really is. what do you mean you can’t write an email