Shit Happens

It’s 3am and sleep insists on being elusive; I don’t think I can blame it on the coffee I had at 3pm with you.

but we only had one summer

our old conversations pop up when i search for something. even the most innocuous words. maybe because.. we used to talk about anything and everything. funny things, random things, weird things.. every possible category out there just manages to pull out conversations from 3 years ago as the top search results instead of what i’m actually searching for. the worst part is that i can’t help but click into it and read and relive that moment and that conversation. every single time. and it always kinda derails me from life in that moment and reminds of what could have been. i really should delete these things but i also can’t bring myself to.

i just want to watch a sunset with you for the last time

i will be fine

really missing your voice, scent and warmth

Actually, just happy to see you.

i think i finally get it. why people get into relationships and find it worth sticking around for. having someone who is inexorably on your side at the end of an astronomically shit day of shit days; to hear you out about everything that happened, to lend you that shoulder to cry on, or to simply hold you when words just can’t seem to take form. that must be unimaginably comforting. at least it beats being alone.

From the very bottom of my heart, fuck this.

I thought I would never relive that feeling again. But I still remember.. everything.