sesquipedalian

OBITO & CHUUYA—

Obito couldn't even begin to describe how excited he was. Today he would finally be able to see his husband again after being separated for 2 whole weeks! Granted, those 2 weeks weren't really that bad, but... maybe everyone had a point when they said he and Kakashi were too co-dependent.

"You ready?" The Uchiha badgered the man who had been his temporary partner for the experiment.

"Someone's eager," was all Chuuya said. Though, he did understand the other's excitement. Dazai may not be the most helpful around the house, but he was a constant in the redhead's life. As someone who's lost far too many people he's cared about, the brunette's continued presence in Chuuya's life was reassuring.

"Of course I am! Aren't you?" Obito pouted. "The dishes aren't going to grow legs and walk away— they can wait for when you get back!"

"Alright, fine," Chuuya gave in. Or pretended to, since he was just as eager for the reunion as Obito was. He just didn't want to seem too enthusiastic. The taller man's energy level was already through the roof.

"Great!" Obito marched over and put a hand on the executive's shoulder. "Now, hang on!"

"Wait, don't just—"

Chuuya protests were cut off as the world swirled around them.

DAZAI & KAKASHI—

Dazai impatiently tapped his foot as he and Kakashi waited for Shisui to come by and take the kids for the day. After last time, neither wanted to take the chance of leaving the two alone for even a second.

Kakashi would find the other's clear impatience (Dazai usually hid his emotions so well) amusing... if he weren't just as annoyed as he was by the delay. Both of them had woken up extremely early in anticipation of the day and had gotten the kids (and everything else) ready with the extra time they otherwise didn't know what to do with.

"UGH!" The brunette dramatically collapsed on the couch, groaning. "What a great day to be late! That Shisui sure has terrible timing!"

Privately, Kakashi agreed. The Uchiha had zero excuse to be late with that Body Flicker technique of his.

Finally, just as Dazai looked ready to stomp away whether Shisui came or not, the man himself stumbled in.

"I'm so sorry, guys! I got caught up in—"

"Save it, don't care!" Dazai interrupted. He was at the door in less than a second (where did he get the speed??) and shoving Shisui into the house. "Out of the way. Kakashi and I gotta go!"

Then, the brunette sped off, leaving Shisui there looking dumbfounded.

"Thanks," Kakashi at least acknowledged before he too ran out to follow Dazai.

SATURDAY—

Both couples arrived to the conference room at almost exactly the same time.

Chuuya was still fighting off the slight nausea associated with Obito's ability— he would never get used to traveling that way— when he felt a gust of wind. He looked up just in time to see the Uchiha lip-locked with a silver-haired man he assumed was his husband.

The redhead would be worried about them (how the fuck were they breathing??) if not for his own husband tackling him in a bear hug.

"Chuuuya! I missed you so much!!!" Dazai wailed.

'Dramatic as always,' Chuuya thought as he managed to free one of his arms and awkwardly wrap it around the brunette's waist. "I missed you too."

For once, there were no insults from either of them. It seemed that swapping husbands did wonders for their relationship. (Let's see how long that would last...)

Obito cleared his throat. When Chuuya looked over, he saw the man had finally come apart from Kakashi, but the distance between was still practically nonexistent. "Shall we?" He gestured to the table that was supposedly meant for them to discuss their experiences.

The redhead nodded. However, when his partner didn't respond, he met his eyes. "Come on," he nudged the other. "The sooner we do this, the sooner we can go home."

Dazai gave a put-upon sigh, but (reluctantly) released Chuuya. He still made sure to hold hands with his husband, though, as they all walked to their seats.

At the table, Chuuya sat across from Kakashi while Obito stared directly at Dazai.

"Why don't we start with introductions? I'll go first," Obito said. "My name's Obito Hatake-Uchiha."

"Kakashi Hatake-Uchiha," the silver-haired man next to him spoke. Straightforward and succinct— it was clear Obito was the more talkative of the two.

"I'm Dazai Osamu," the brunette introduced.

"And my name's Dazai Chuuya," the redhead finished.

"Alright, now that's over with," Obito clapped. "I guess we just get right to it?" Although everyone nodded, no one made a move to speak. "Okay... I guess I'll start again. To be honest, I had a good time. It was definitely different, but not bad different." The man inclined his head to Dazai. "I gotta hand it to you, you got it good— crazy clean house, good kids, though they can be reckless sometimes, and an incredibly efficient husband."

Dazai smiled, pleased.

"But... I feel like you haven't earned it. You should be helping Chuuya, doing more in general," Obito lectured. "You're a family, man! He can't be doing everything himself, especially when you've both got a new baby to care for! You're in this together," he continued. "Chuuya shouldn't have to put up with anything less than your 100 percent! From what I can tell, he could probably leave whenever he wants— are you really ok with that?"

"Of course not," the brunette grimaced.

"Then you should be treating him better! He has options, you know. So, if you wanna keep him, you should be doing whatever you can to make all the others unappealing." Obito slammed his heads on the table, then frowned, collecting himself. "Anyway. Yeah. That's all I have to say. You have a beautiful family— but! Work on that. Pronto.”

Chuuya's shoulders were tense as he waited for Dazai's response, half-expecting the other to deflect like he usually did, and half-expecting he would quietly seethe in his seat (which he would then have to deal with when they got home). However, he was surprised when the other didn't get angry, instead meeting Obito head-on with a wry smile.

"I agree— Chuuya's the best, isn't he?" He asked rhetorically. "I haven't been treating him right, like he should've been treated, for a long time. But I can't change the past," he sighed. "All I can do is be better now. This whole experience— and everything you just said— gave me a lot to think about. So, thank you."

Chuuya gaped. A shockingly mature response from Dazai. He found when he swallowed, his throat felt unusually tight.

“My turn, then?” At Obito’s nod, he continued. “Well, hm… it was alright, I suppose. I absolutely hated being Hokage. You can keep it— in fact, keep your job far away from me.” Dazai made a disgusted face, but then smiled again. “I really liked your kids, though! They’re quite intelligent and adaptable. And what you said about Chuuya, the same goes for Kakashi. He’s very helpful with, just, everything.” Then, he looked straight at said silver-haired man. “You’re a little too quiet and stoic for me, though. No offense.”

Obito snorted. “I don’t blame you. It took some getting used to, that’s for sure.”

Finished with his recount, Dazai then elbowed the redhead sitting next to him. “Sooo…?”

Chuuya rolled his eyes but started speaking, arms crossed on the table. “Having Obito was great. It was nice to have someone else taking the brunt of the work for a change. I think we’ll have to keep that rule,” Chuuya said while looking at Dazai with a challenging look in his eye. Dazai grunted but didn’t disagree. “He was really good with the kids, which I appreciated because it meant I could leave them with him and trust that they’d be fine— good, even.”

Kakashi nodded to that. Though, he thought Obito was good with everybody, whether it was children, the elderly, or fellow peers.

“Overall, no complaints. In fact, even your rules,” he pointedly stared at Obito. “were in my favor. What’s up with that?”

The dark-haired man just shrugged.

When it didn’t seem like Chuuya would continue talking, all eyes then turned to the only person in the room who still hadn’t spoken.

“Um. Well, for someone who’s never been Hokage, Dazai dealt with the job and all its responsibilities quite well. He complained every minute of it, and even tried to escape one time, but the work always got done in the end,” the man started. “All things considered, I could’ve had a worse partner. And don’t be too hard on him, Obito,” he addressed his husband, “Dazai did save our kids, after all. He cares a lot more than it may seem, and I only spent 2 weeks with him. Trust Chuuya to know what he’s doing.”

“Shigure and Kyoya were in danger?!”

“Yes, but they’re fine now. Thanks to Dazai,” Kakashi punctuated.

“Ah…” Obito shot the brunette a sheepish look. “I still won’t apologize for saying you need to be a more responsible husband and dad. But thank you for looking out for my kids. They’re my and Kakashi’s everything— I don’t know how I could possibly repay you.”

“No need,” Dazai waved dismissively. “From what Chuuya said, you took care of mine too, so it’s tit for tat.”

The taller man nodded. Again, there’s silence. “Then, if that’s everything…” Dazai eagerly nodded. “We can end this here and finally go home?”

”Kami, I thought you’d never ask.” Chuuya sighed, relieved. He stood up, stretching his arms over his head. “It was really nice to meet you both, though.”

“Yeah! Maybe we’ll see each other again someday,” Obito chuckled at the pinched look on Dazai’s face. “Or maybe not.”

“Take care,” Kakashi did a peace symbol.

”Bye, bye~!”

In the span of a minute, the conference room was vacated, both sets of parents eager to go back to their respective homes and families.

MONDAY—

Somehow, even with literally all of his face covered save for one eye, Dazai could still feel the full force of Kakashi's anger. The brunette wondered if he ever looked that cool and intimidating when he covered his eye. 

“Why would you do this to me.” It was less of a question and more of a scathing comment. All things considered, he was being pretty nice about it. Even if his jutsu didn’t work on Dazai, the white-haired man was more than capable of meting out fatal damage, and unlike most enemies, he was quite hard to read. He was also a genius to boot. 

“Come on, you knew this was coming,” the brunette rebutted. “That paperwork is a hell of its own. I think— no, I know— I’d rather be tortured than deal with that monstrosity you call a job. And you’re saying there are people who actually want to be Hokage?”

At that, the glare in Kakashi’s eye softened a little. As if recalling a fond memory… or a certain person that held his heart. Dazai hoped he didn’t look that mushy whenever he thought of Chuuya and the kids. 

“Yes, there are some people crazy enough too. The types that are so stubborn and determined that you can’t stop them once they’ve put their mind to something.” Then, the displeasure was back. “I am not one of them. The only reason I’d take the hat is if there was no one else that could. And only if absolutely necessary.”

Dazai just hummed, watching the other with an amused smile as he lazed around on a chair. Kakashi shot him an exasperated look.

“Why are you even here in the first place? And how did you get that chair??” 

“Eh… I just had one of the ANBU guards get it for me.” An eyebrow went up at that— either in disbelief that Dazai would use dangerous killing machines like that or the fact that said assassins actually complied. “And isn’t it obvious? I wanna see my revenge in action~”

"You're evil."

Dazai gleefully took in Kakashi's tortured expression when yet another stack of papers were placed on his desk.

"Pure evil." The ninja shook his head as he resigned himself to a week of monotonous suffering.

TUESDAY—

Now that Dazai had saddled Kakashi with all the work, he suddenly had a lot of free time. Funny how that works, huh?

His next dilemma: what to do with all of his newfound freedom?

As he contemplated, a loud knock startled him out of his thoughts. He looked up just in time to see Shigure and Kyoya making their way to their door in their full (what he assumed) ninja get-up. "Hey! Don't touch that door! Didn't your dad ever teach you stranger danger?" He scolded, then pointedly looked at their outfits. "And just where do you think you're going?"

"But— it's Shisui-sensei!"

The brunette shrugged his shoulders. "Nope, don't know him~" Technically, it was only half a lie. Yes, the manual had given him a brief description of who this Shisui was... but he truly knew nothing else about the man other than that.

"We train with Shisui-sensei a few times a week. We just presumed that he was here to collect us for that. Also, his knocking is the same as always..." Shigure explained.

Hm. Dazai must have been at work all the other times the man came over. Well, it seemed he had just found his plans for the day!

"Ah~ I see! Then he wouldn't mind if I tagged along, right?"

Shigure frowned. "I don't think so?"

"Perfect!" Dazai then walked past the two children to swing the door wide open. Immediately, he saw a dark-haired man with slightly wild locks, hand poised like he was about to knock again. "Shisui-san, I believe? I'm Dazai, temporary husband of Kakashi~"

To his credit, the other recovered pretty quickly. "Pleasure to meet you, Dazai-san. Yes, you're right— I'm Shisui. Shigure and Kyoya are part of my team." He looked to the two children as if to ask them what to do, but both just shrugged at him. They never knew what to expect with Dazai. He was an eccentric man, that was for sure.

"Well, Shisui-san, I just happened to find myself with a lot of free time this week. And I haven't been able to hang out with the kids too much, you see?"

"Oh. Ok?" The man asked, befuddled. "I can postpone their training session. We can always do it later if you want—"

"Nooo, that won't be necessary! I actually want to come along. I'm not much of a fighter myself, but my husband and kids are," which was true, "And it'd be interesting to see how different Shigure and Kyoya fight compared to them."

WEDNESDAY—

It's the middle of a nondescript day that he feels it. An uneasiness in his stomach.

As someone with good intuition, Dazai tended to trust his gut. He may not be a sensor or possess any of the special abilities that a lot of the shinobi in the village did, but he didn't need that when he had his brain.

Immediately, he stopped what he was doing and took stock of the important things.

1. He wasn't being followed. He hadn't heard or seen anyone tailing him. And, besides that, he was walking in a pretty crowded street in a village that was— from what he'd seen and heard— one of the most fortified in the world.

2. Kakashi was at work. He had literally just left there not even 5 minutes ago. As the person who would technically be next-in-line should Kakashi disappear, the ANBU guards would have informed him.

3. The children were away on a short mission. Genin-ranked; it would take a few hours at most. It was so laughably easy, there was no reason to worry, especially with two hyper-competent shinobi like Shigure and Kyoya.

Except... could he verify that? Dazai had met Shisui yesterday, and he seemed more than capable. The children were in good hands... but it wouldn't hurt to check.

He called the number.

"Dazai-san? What's up?"

"Nothing, nothing~ I just felt my stomach turn over for a second."

"Oh! Do you need to see a doctor—"

"Are Shigure and Kyoya with you?" Dazai cut him off.

There's a long silence on the other end of the line. Then, Shisui dreadfully replied, "We finished that mission 2 hours ago, Dazai-san. I split up with them at the gate because my cousin needed something... They should've gone straight to Hokage Tower to report the completion of the mission."

2 hours ago, both Kakashi and Dazai were in Hokage Tower.

"Are you saying they never showed up? Those two would never leave mission incomplete."

Dazai's blood froze. Judging by the sharp intake of breath, Shisui wasn't faring much better.

It seemed they had both come to the same conclusion.

THURSDAY—

The crisis was over. The kids were back home, safe and mostly sound. Yet, instead of being exhausted and sleeping for the next century, Dazai was still keyed up. His parental instincts may not be as strong as Chuuya's, but if he ever needed a reminder he had them, he would just have to think of yesterday.

It was in this state that Kakashi found him.

Dazai actually flinched when he turned around and saw the other standing there. Kakashi was too damned quiet for his own good! And it didn't help that it was the middle of the night (the transition period where you wouldn't know whether to call it too late or too early).

"Sorry." Yet you keep doing it, don't you?

To be fair, the silver-haired man did look genuinely regretful. Dazai should probably cut him some slack. If he was this wound tight— when Shigure and Kyoya weren't even his kids— the other must be feeling much, much worse.

The brunette just sighed instead. "Is there a reason you're here instead of sleeping, Kakashi-san? I think we've all had a long day."

"..." Dazai thought he'd have to pry whatever was bothering Kakashi out of his mouth (so he could finally go to sleep himself), but then the other spoke up, "...I actually wanted to talk to you about what happened."

"Hm?" He tilted his head.

"I... thank you. For what you did," Kakashi cleared his throat. "Thanks to you, my kids are fine. A little worse for wear but, ultimately, alright."

Well. Dazai certainly hadn't been expecting that. He didn't know if he was prepared for an emotional talk this late (or early, depending on how you thought about it), but it seemed it was happening whether he liked it or not.

FRIDAY—

"Naruto, get the door!" Even standing outside, Kushina's voice could be heard.

A second later, a grinning blonde stood in the doorway.

"Naruto-nii!" Kyoya cheered.

"Hey guys!" Naruto greeted. "Come in! Mom's just about finished!" He didn't give anyone any time to even open their mouth as he ushered them all inside.

As they filtered inside, Dazai took note of the decor. It was nice. Homey. There also seemed to be an alarming number of ramen packets on the kitchen shelf...

"Hi kids," Minato was in the middle of setting the table when the family finally made their way to the dining room. Kyoya and Shigure bowed respectfully to the elder blonde as they took their seats. "It's nice to see you too, Kakashi. And Dazai-san, I believe we haven't met yet." He held a hand out, which Dazai shook. "Welcome to the family. I'm sorry you got dragged into such a mess."

"No worries~" The detective waved his hand dismissively. "I've dealt with worse."

"That's reassuring," Minato smiled. "Though a little worrying at the same time."

Dazai shrugged. "Nah... my husband can take " He said without really saying anything at all.

Thankfully for the brunette's attempts at deflection, it was at that time that Kushina finally made an appearance. She balanced a frankly impressive amount of plates and bowls on a tray. No sooner did she set it down did Naruto swipe at least two bowls of ramen. Geez, it was like he'd never eaten before!

And then everyone else followed suit— even Kakashi!

What the hell was this?! Dazai pouted at being the last to grab a plate for himself, though he should probably be glad they left him anything at all.

"Alright, enough with the small talk!" The redhead announced, brandishing a pair of chopsticks. "Let's eat!"

MONDAY—

Obito finished his work in record time. Only 4 hours in and he had finished not just the paperwork he hadn't done, but also went on 3 jobs and finished the reports associated with those too. It helped that he could just Kamui in and out of key areas in Yokohama since everyone now knew about his ability and he no longer had to hide it.

His coworkers could only gape as he stretched his arms over his head before standing up and addressing them, "Alright, guys. I'm done for the day, so I'm gonna head out. See you all tomorrow."

"You're done? Even the cases you went on this morning?" Yosano had a skeptical expression on her face.

"Everything," Obito confirmed.

"...Can you do mine too?" Atsushi asked hopefully.

Meanwhile, Kunikida discretely peered over his desk to look at Obito's. There was a small, neat stack of papers sitting next to the computer. Otherwise... nothing. He hadn't been lying.

The blonde cleared his throat. "What's the rush?"

"Oh, I told Chuuya to take the day off and relax," the Uchiha replied as he started to put the few things he brought to work away. "So I get to take care of the kids today, and I wanted to spoil them a little and take them out of class early so we can hang out in a park or something."

KUNIKIDA: Dazai's pretty cagey about his family, and I admittedly don't know that much about Nakahara-san, but I know for sure that my idiot partner isn't pulling most of the weight. I find it admirable that Obito is willing to take on the extra work. And it's been refreshing not having to constantly bug my partner.

Kunikida nodded. "I see. Have fun, then."

When Obito looked to Fukuzawa, he received a simple wave in response. Dismissed.

"Thanks Boss man!" Then, Obito was out of there, using Kamui to instantly teleport away.

"Aww~ What about me? Can I leave early too?" Ranpo whined.

"No."

TUESDAY—

Chuuya was impressed, he had to admit.

When he had first heard Obito's new rules, he thought it was going to be a disaster. Hands off? Let Obito handle most of the work? It was absurd! The redhead had singlehandedly managed his household for damn near a decade (and was probably the only reason it hadn't devolved into a complete circus)— without him, it would fall apart!

Or so he believed.

However, the dark-haired man proved more competent than he had given him credit for, and for the first time in a long time, Chuuya felt his shoulders loosen up.

Sure, learning to let go and allowing Obito to wrench his hard-earned control from him was an exercise in restraint— and was still a challenge, even now— but he truly appreciated the time he now had to himself. He hadn't had much since the twins were born, and definitely not now with the new baby.

"No! Me first, new daddy!"

The redhead smiled, watching as his kids chased after Obito. He was surprisingly good with the them. Or maybe it shouldn't be all that surprising, considering he had kids of his own. At peace, Chuuya hummed as he collected the plates that had been abandoned (they just finished eating lunch) and brought them to the sink.

He was going to start washing them, but was stopped by a hand suddenly gripping his wrist. Not tight enough to hurt, but definitely tight enough to make its presence known.

"Ah, ah!" Obito wagged his finger. "What do you think you're doing? I told you: no work."

"You already cooked breakfast! And you're taking the kids— I can at least wash the dishes!" Chuuya argued.

"Nooo! It's my week, so you have to follow my rules," Obito whined. "What do you think 'no work' means??"

Oh, Chuuya was familiar with the term. He just wasn't very acquainted with it.

WEDNESDAY—

Obito stood in front of Atsushi and Kyoka in a nondescript field.

On the sidelines were the rest of the ADA. The Uchiha had teleported them all here, proclaiming, "If you're going to deal with these world-ending disasters, you all need to be better trained!"

Ranpo, of course, had no intention of actually fighting. However, he was curious about Obito and his abilities, so he insisted on tagging along.

Atsushi, after witnessing Obito's strength in their mission together last week— and he had a feeling the other man hadn't been using even half of his power— gladly volunteered to go first. He wouldn't have minded going against Obito alone, but when Kyoka also stepped up to fight alongside him, he had to admit he was relieved.

Maybe with the two of them, it wouldn't be an instant beatdown.

"Show me what you got, Atsushi, Kyoka."

Needing no further encouragement, the former immediately transformed and came at the taller man at a frightening speed. With Kyoka at his back, he was confident engaging in close-quarters combat.

The weretiger slashed at Obito.

He was blocked.

He blocked me with one hand? He thought incredulously as he quickly jumped back. Over the years, Atsushi's transformation had only gotten stronger. To be able to block it with one hand... it brought him back to his early days in the ADA when he could scarcely control his ability, much less fight with it.

At the opening, Kyoka jumped in. Metal clashed with metal as Obito met Kyoka's sword with his kunai. It seemed the two were deadlocked; that is, until the girl summoned Demon Snow. While she occupied Obito at his front, she had her ability attack him from the back.

It looked like she had finally gotten the upper hand. Demon Snow's sword was on track to make contact with Obito as the other made no move to block it... but then the blade simply phased through.

Like Obito was a ghost.

Kyoka's eyes widened, and she quickly fell back before the blade could pass through her instead.

TANIZAKI: WHAT! What just happened??

THURSDAY—

Obito had been happily cleaning around the house when he received a phone call.

It was Kouyou.

Odd, but not that weird. Chuuya had just left with her that morning to try out a new bar with an apparently exquisite wine collection, so she may just be calling to tell Obito the redhead is drunk off his ass. He learned early on that the shorter man, despite having a love for wine, had an abysmally low alcohol tolerance.

"Hello?" He asked, expecting a joke at Chuuya's expense.

"Obito! It's Chuuya! He's—" In the background are sounds one would hear at a brawl.

"Kouyou? What's happened?!" Obito's hairs stood on end. He had a bad feeling. "Kouyou!"

Finally, after several heart-stopping hours (it was really just a few minutes), the woman seemed to have returned to her phone. "We were ambushed at the bar. I took the footmen down, but they had an ability user, and he managed to swipe Chuuya's choker. He went after him, of course, but I fear he may be walking into a trap."

KOUYOU: Chuuya may be one of— if not, the most— powerful ability user there is, but he can be brash. And we don't know the abilities of the enemy. Most of all... I'm concerned for the children. No one likes it when their parents just disappear, or get hurt...

"I'm on it," Obito said gravely. He snapped the phone shut, put the duster away, and transported himself to Port Mafia HQ.

FRIDAY—

The family was cozy.

After the emotional (and physical) mess that was yesterday, Obito and Chuuya were exhausted. Taking pity on the kids (who had been shaken up no matter how much they tried to hide it), the two made the collective decision to keep them home from school so that the whole family could have a rest day.

The kids deserved it.

Thankfully, they seemed to get over their distress quickly after ensuring Chuuya's (and Obito's, which surprised the man) well-being, and proceeded to take advantage of the parents' sympathy to request a movie night.

So, despite it still being bright out, Obito closed the curtains, turned off all the lights except the ones in the living room, and created a pillow fort in front of the TV as Chuuya prepared snacks.

"Have we decided what we're watching yet?" The redhead asked as he slipped into the fort with popcorn, chocolate, and various other goodies.

"No. I want to watch Kung Fu Panda, but 'toshi wants Zootopia."

"Rock, paper, scissors for it," Obito mediated.

"No! He," Kana gestured to her brother, who looked at them innocently. "is just going to predict me and win again!"

Obito and Chuuya looked at each other.

Kids.

MONDAY—

The next morning was still awkward between them. Not ideal, to say the least. While Dazai was a yapper, he could only do so much! It wasn't just boring if the other person didn't respond much— it was also hard! As much as he made it seem like he wasn't listening (especially when it was Chuuya or Kunikida talking to him), the brunette didn't truly like talking to himself.

It was pointless, and felt too much like being stuck in his own head, which he hated.

He'd gotten better over the years, especially with the arrival of his 3 kids but, some days, his thoughts still weren't very pleasant.

But let's skip past that, shall we? There was no need for him to spiral anymore— couldn't actually— not when he had a whole family who cared for him and, in exchange for that love, relied on him in return.

"Something wrong?"

"Ah..." Dazai schooled his face back into his usual, genial smile. "Don't worry about me~ I was just thinking about my family back home."

"That was quite a pensive look for something that's supposed to make you happy," the silver-haired man said bluntly.

Ugh. It seemed his new partner was quite perceptive. That was bad news for Dazai— he hated being perceived. These days, Chuuya, and only Chuuya, had the privilege.

"Quite sharp aren't you, Kakashi?" His smile strained a little, but he refused to let it falter. "Like I said, it's nothing," he insisted.

It was clear Kakashi didn't believe him at all. Dazai was prepared to initiate his talking-but-without-any-actual-substance tactic, but then the other man just shrugged and dropped it completely.

"Suit yourself. It's not my business, anyway."

Maybe he and Kakashi could come to an understanding after all, namely: keep each other at arms' length.

Probably not what their partners had wanted for them, but who cares? From the looks of it, they had been the ones dragged into this mess unwillingly.

TUESDAY—

"So~ What do you two like doing?" Dazai raised a brow when the siblings exchanged a look before responding. "It's just a question, you know? That wasn't a test or anything."

"I enjoy training with Pops and Dad," Shigure deadpanned. Her manner of speaking and way she held herself reminded Dazai of Kyoka so much he felt de ja vu.

"Same! I wanna grow up to be as school as them!"

Dazai just let out a nervous laugh, though he was grimacing inwardly. He was never much of a fighter himself, preferring his schemes to physical strength, yet somehow he found himself surrounded by brutes regardless. "Anything that isn't fighting, perhaps?" At this rate, he would never find common ground with these kids.

Shigure hesitated for a second; Dazai immediately noticed and gave her an encouraging nod. "Well... I really like dancing. I try to incorporate it into my technique, so I can be effective but elegant at the same time. Like my Aunt Konan."

"Dancing's a beautiful hobby." Somehow, though, it still came back to fighting. "What about you, Kyoya?"

"I like talking and hanging out with my friends and sensei and— just, everybody!"

OBITO: Kyoya will yap your ear off. He'll talk to anyone who will listen, honestly. He definitely takes after me, haha.

"But other than that? Hm... I like playing with Dad's pack. I know they have a job and Dad can't just summon them because I want to see them, but come on! They're awesome." Then, as an afterthought, "Bisuke's my favorite. Don't tell the others I said that, though!"

Dazai had to chuckle at the indignant look. He had never met such an unadulterated chatterbox of a kid before. His kids mostly talked out of curiosity, not because they liked hearing their voice. He, himself, had been an exceedingly silent child.

And Chuuya— well, the less said about his childhood, the better.

Honestly, how he turned out to be such a spitfire was a marvel. (Dazai was completely infatuated.)

WEDNESDAY—

It was only the third day of this, but no matter how many times he did it, he didn't think he'd ever get used to it.

It being: the frankly absurd amount of paperwork sitting on his desk right now. And he thought his piles were bad; at least his built up over a period of days (because he intentionally ignored them)— Obito's didn't even take the afternoon!

Out of genuine fear that it would only grow to unimaginable levels if he didn't address it (like was his plan), he did actually complete the paperwork as they were delivered.

But no more! Dazai was sick of this shit. He didn't even have this much of a workload when he was an executive of Port Mafia!

While he finished the paperwork he was assigned like a good little Hokage, he was secretly cataloguing the tower itself. Where the exits were, at what times did the creeping feeling of being watched disappear, who he could rope into his plan (willing or unwillingly) of distraction.

It had only been 3 days, but Dazai was nothing if not efficient. With the information he had gathered, he was sure he could pull off yet another plan of his. There was still no one in his world who could compare to him when it came to his greatest skill, after all.

Predictability was his game to lose.

It turns out, he should've probably heeded that manual more.

THURSDAY—

So Dazai had definitely made some progress with the kids. Mostly because of Kyoya— thank Kami for that boy and his extroversion. If it were just him left alone with Shigure, the conversation would probably still be stilted (without Kyoya's buffering it) despite the fact she seemed a little more open with him.

What now? Clearly, just talking wasn't going to cut it. Even Kyoya, with his endless stories, would get tired of having to fill the silence himself. But Dazai wasn't good at fighting or dancing. He had neither knowledge of kimono textile nor a pack of ninja dogs.

The only thing he was good at... was uncovering secrets, analyzing the enemy, creating strategies and plans, and making all manner of contingencies for those plans. His intelligence was a tool he used to his advantage— it wasn't really something meant to entertain children.

Sure, his son loved playing mind games with him, but that's because Satoshi took after him more than he did Chuuya. Kana, who was her brother's opposite, didn't enjoy the games nearly as much.

But he supposed he could try. Kakashi was clearly a genius himself, and his kids had already demonstrated themselves to have inherited some of that brilliance.

"Alright, kids," he clapped. "Let's play a game."

Both kids perked up, though it was very subtle on Shigure's part.

"It's called: Prison Break. I'm going to orient you and tell you the rules. From there, it's up to you to figure out how you're going to escape," Dazai said with a glint in his eye. He was going to have fun with this. "If you don't know what to do to proceed with the story, you can give up and I'll tell you enough information to get to the next part. And we'll keep doing that until we get to the end~"

"Oh! So is this a riddle?"

"You can think of it like that. I see it more as an exercise in observation, creativity, and critical thinking."

"I accept your challenge, Dazai-san." Shigure had the most serious expression on her face. It would have looked comical on any other 12 year-old, but on one as mature as her, it instead came off as intimidating.

A lesser man may have folded. Not Dazai, though. He smirked, "Then let's begin..."

FRIDAY—

Dazai washing dishes and humming to himself when he felt the unmistakable feeling of being watched. Turning around nonchalantly, he saw a familiar shock of silver hair. Evidently, Kakashi had used his ability— jutsu or whatever— again to basically teleport into the house undetected. Dazai hated it. He understood it wasn't technically his house, but still! Privacy!

"Sorry, I forgot you don't like it when I do that," Kakashi said tiredly, seeming to have read his mind.

Just then, Dazai noticed the dark bags under his eyes. Like him, the other man also had a very busy work schedule. But unlike Dazai, who really only did paperwork from the comfort of Hokage Tower, Kakashi's work often took him outside the village on dangerous and mentally exhausting missions.

He would know. He signed off on those papers.

However, Dazai knew that wasn't all. While the silver-haired man was doing an admirable job at hiding it, especially from the kids, the brunette could tell that the time away from his husband was taking a toll on him. They didn't sleep in the same room— they'd decided on that the very first night, and Dazai was glad that Kakashi had been just as adamant on it— and if he was feeling the loneliness, then he was sure the presence of a stranger in his house (instead of his husband) was definitely wearing Kakashi thin.

"Mm. You look like you're about to crash," The detective pointed out unhelpfully. "You should probably take care of that."

"Are you sure? I can help with a few things before bed..."

"It's fine~" Even he's surprised at the truth of that statement. In the chaos of his workload, chores had actually become relaxing. Who would have thought. If Chuuya ever found out he thought this, it would surely be the end of him. "Just go before you pass out in front of the kids and worry them."

Recognizing the clear dismissal, Kakashi just nodded and slunk away.

SATURDAY—

"Woah! It looks like one of Deidara-nii's explosions!" Kyoya cheered over the loud boom of the fireworks.

Today, the family had a rare day off. Well... as close to it as possible.

Both Dazai and Kakashi had still gone to work, but the former's paperwork had been a lot lighter than usual, and the latter had no new missions to tackle after the one he'd come back from yesterday. Thus, both parents were able to make it home just a little after lunch time, and when the kids found out they were home early, they decided to forego training for the day.

The family had been enjoying a relaxing day in when Kyoya's blabbering reminded Kakashi of the existence of a festival. A festival that was happening today.

"That's right. You're not from here." Kakashi rubbed a hand behind his neck, looking chastised.

"We should definitely go, then! Dazai-san should get to experience all of Konoha while he's here!"

The Hatake nodded sagely. "You're right. He's spent pretty much all of his time going back and forth from Hokage Tower and our house."

And so, Dazai enjoyed the rest of his time lazing around the house, then found himself wandering the streets with Kakashi and the children later that night.

He had to admit, Konoha seemed like a nice place to live. It definitely suited the 'village' vibe, despite its size suggesting otherwise. it was very... cozy, close-knit, and traditional.

Nothing like Yokohama.

SUNDAY—

Finally. Finally! It was the day Dazai had been looking forward to all week.

No. More. Paperwork.

If he was being honest (read as: if you put a bullet to his head), though, he didn't have a completely terrible time. Kakashi and Obito's rules were actually pretty reasonable. It was certainly a lot more work than he was used to, but it was also clear that Obito lived a totally different life from Dazai.

Regardless, he was glad it was over. Now, he had all the power.

Even though his smile was the same as it always was, Kakashi shuddered. Like he had seen a ghost; a ghost of Dazai with demon horns that was visually cackling.

"Alright, Kakashi, kiddos~" He sang gleefully. "I've played the game. Now, it's time for you to play my game." He took a deep, dramatic breath.

"First things first..."

MONDAY—

As someone who didn’t like being caught off guard (and also because Kakashi had beaten it into him), Obito had discretely used Kamui to locate the ADA— the Armed Detective Agency, as Chuuya had helpfully informed him— before he was to show up. That morning, though, he opted not to warp himself inside the building as he often liked to do (his ability really saved him a lot of hassle) on account of scaring the people inside. Also, he didn’t feel like anything was particularly threatening yet, so he wanted to keep his cards close to his chest for the time being. He would inform Chuuya when it was appropriate. 

“Hello?” As Dazai hadn’t specified a time, Obito had arrived a quarter before 8— the time he would usually be in the Hokage tower— to a mostly empty office. 

The blonde man with glasses startled, both because of his presence as well as the deep voice he spoke with. He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry, sir, but how did you get access to this place? Not to mention, business hours haven’t even started yet—“

Obito was about to respond, but the other man in the room did so before he could, saving him the trouble of explaining. 

“It’s fine, Kunikida. This is the man who is taking Dazai’s place for the next 2 weeks, correct?” His sharp eyes then turned to look at Obito. 

"Yes, sir. My name's Obito."

Kunikida froze, his mind seeming to process that his new partner would be this man who was the total opposite of Dazai, looks and all. Exhibit A: he was not only on time, he was early to work!

"You're his replacement?" He couldn't help but ask.

"That's right. Is... there a problem?"

"No, no." The blonde shook his head. "I just wasn't expecting someone like you. Then again, I didn't really have any expectations. Dazai didn't share much."

"I bet," Obito replied dryly. "Is there anything I should be doing, then?"

"Case-wise, we usually wait for everyone to arrive before assigning anything. If you want something to do while you wait, though..." The blonde's head turned to the desk next to his with a grimace. "You could start on all this paperwork Dazai put off. I would bet the bastard did it on purpose so you could do his work for him but, unfortunately, I've dealt with him for years, and this is just how he is."

Obito observed the truly daunting pile of papers on said desk. Terrific.

TUESDAY—

"Hey," Obito started. Across the table, Chuuya raised a brow. "In the manual, it said your daughter likes a good fight... Would it be ok if I sparred with her?" When the other's face started scrunching up, he quickly added, "Not seriously, of course! I would never try to hurt your kids— or anyone's kids, for that matter!"

After a second of heart-stopping silence, Chuuya broke into a wide grin. "Yes, you have my permission," he laughed. "Are you sure about this, though? My daughter fights like a madman... I admit she gets that from me."

"Positive," Obito grinned. "And she doesn't have to hold back with me. It's not my first time— When I started training my kids, they were even younger than yours are now."

Chuuya found that interesting. In their world, only kids with abilities had any reason to fight— he was a prime example of that. Civilian children largely lived normal lives. "She's gonna hound you for a spar every day after, though, so just prepare for that."

"I'm ok with that. Believe me, my husband and kids are the same way," Obito chuckled. "And now you've made me curious about her. I wonder if she's as strong as you say," he sang teasingly.

Chuuya met his provocation with a fire in his eyes. Competitive, but also just plain proud of his children.

"She'll kick your ass. I trained her, after all." Then, he called, "Kana!"

The little girl appeared in the doorway. Although his name wasn't called, her brother trailed after her, curious. As most twins tended to be, they were inseparable.

"What is it, momma?"

"Are you up for a spar?" Chuuya looked at Obito. "Your new dad said he'd be willing."

Brown eyes twinkled, immediately finding Obito's. "Really?!"

"He told me he could handle whatever you threw at him, and I told him you would beat him into next week," Chuuya said. "Don't make me a liar now."

Kana stepped up to the challenge. The fire in her eyes was eerily similar to her father's.

"I hope you give me a good fight, new daddy!"

WEDNESDAY—

"My husband would be the better fit for this kind of work," Obito bemoaned as he slumped forward onto his desk.

He had, thankfully, cleared all of the paperwork on his second day of work— to all of his coworker's surprise; they clearly had no idea the kind of work he dealt with every day as Hokage— which meant the only thing left were new cases. Reports and paperwork he could do all day, but solving these complicated crimes? That was not his forte.

He could practically hear Kakashi whisper, "Look underneath the underneath," in that infuriatingly smug tone of his. Obito's not stupid (maybe a little), but his husband was the one telling him that for a reason. He was strong enough that no one really presented a threat to him, and many schemes quickly fell apart when Kamui came into play.

"Kakashi-san is very intelligent then, Obito-san?" Yes, he had definitely yapped their ears off about his husband. And he would do it again given the opportunity!

"The best," Obito replied sagely. "We're both physical fighters, but he's definitely the one with more brains. He used to be our squad's captain, and now he's the commander of ANBU."

"What's ANBU?"

"Uh," the shinobi said. "They're like... military units? Yeah, that's the best way to describe it, I think. They're an elite group of fighters."

"Wow, that's cool! So he's a boss too, then," Atsushi continued to pry. Clearly, he wasn't interested in solving the case either.

"Yeah," Obito sighed blissfully. "Chuuya's great and all, but I miss Kakashi and the kids. It's only the third day, too."

The weretiger looked at him sympathetically. "The week will pass by before you know it, Obito-san! I'm sure they miss you too."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as they say," Poe gave his input. Honestly, Obito still didn't understand what the deal with him was. Apparently, according to Atsushi's very animated retelling, he used to be their enemy. Then, a whole lot of shit happened, and now he's a good guy, but also not technically a member of the ADA? Why the hell was he allowed to be here, then? Obito himself had gotten questioned the first day he had shown up, and he was actually supposed to be there.

"You have kids?"

The Uchiha gaped at the question and turned his head so fast he almost broke his neck. Yosano just blinked at him, innocently curious.

"What?! You didn't know??"

"How are we supposed to know? You haven't talked about them," the doctor defended.

Obito immediately brought his phone out. He had spent so much time talking about Kakashi that he had completely forgotten to wax poetic about his children!

That needed to be corrected immediately.

THURSDAY—

Ok, so Obito was still a tiny bit pissed that Ranpo had apparently known the answer the whole time and just didn't feel like sharing. Something something praise kink, according to his conversation with an exasperated Fukuzawa. Kids these days.

I mean, he was hardly that much older than them— and certainly not as old as Fukuzawa— but he'd done a lot of his growing up when he was thirteen! Withholding important information because he wanted to play childish games (or be praised just for using his brain, Kami forbid) was not grown adult behavior.

Whatever. Like Dazai said, the ADA was full of eccentric people.

The point was that he was now tasked to find the culprit before he could finish his plan... and he only had today to do so because Ranpo hadn't just spat out his discovery on Tuesday (the day the file made it on his desk) like a normal person.

"Are you okay, Obito-san?" Atsushi asked nervously.

That's right. Because it was technically his first 'job' since arriving, they had sent him with Atsushi just in case anything went wrong. And the weretiger seemed to have picked up on his bad mood, not that it was hard to do. Unlike Kakashi, who always wore a mask, Obito's emotions were (usually) written all over his face.

"Sorry, Atsushi," he calmed himself down for the younger's sake. "I've just never met someone who'd do that only because he felt like it. Not even my kids would do that!"

"Ehm... We don't really question Ranpo-san; in the end, the case always gets solved because of him." Atsushi tried to make him feel better. "Actually, now that I think about it, my first job went pretty horribly too... I got my leg cut off and two of us died." He laughed awkwardly. "Except not really, since Yosano-san was able to revive them. Does that count still?"

"What!?" Obito's anger had dissipated, replaced by incredulity.

FRIDAY—

"Oh, isn't he just a cutie?" Naomi cooed at the bundle in his arms.

Obito had decided to take Takumi for the day today.

Actually, what really happened was: Chuuya had been called away for some sort of emergency. Instead of letting the redhead take the baby with him, or calling someone up to take care of him last minute, Obito had volunteered to take him to help the clearly-stressed man out. When Chuuya made to protest, Obito brought up, "Technically, it's still week 1, which means I have to follow your rules. And in the rulebook, your husband wrote I was on babysitting duty. I should've been taking care of him from the start— one day won't hurt me."

The shorter still looked like he wanted to argue, but shut up. He didn't really have the time, and if Obito was fine with it, it should be fine, right? He sighed, hurriedly putting on his suit jacket. "Just call me if anything happens, alright?"

"Nothing will—" Chuuya glared. "But I heard you crystal clear."

So yes, even though circumstances weren't ideal, Obito had still been willing. In fact, he hadn't been able to spend that much time with Takumi thus far, so this was the perfect opportunity.

Kami, it had been a decade since he'd held a baby in his arms like this.

He missed it.

"Yeah, I'm taking him for the day. Chuuya had something urgent to attend to, but that's okay," he smiled at the baby who was looking around curiously. "This little guy is adorable. And I wanted to spend time with him anyway. He's almost always with Chuuya."

Kunikida looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Nakahara-san was called away for a pressing matter?"

"Uh... yeah?"

"Is everything alright?" Atsushi asked worriedly.

"I don't know? I didn't ask?" What was with this line of questioning? Obito didn't really understand why the sudden tension.

Thankfully, Yosano came to his rescue. "Dazai never brings his kids over," she whined as she stepped to Obito's side, peering at the baby around his shoulder. "Is it really alright for you to bring him with you?"

Obito thought about it. When he made the offer, he had kind of done it instinctively, and then doubled down when Chuuya meant to argue. To be honest... it probably wasn't a good idea. But not because Obito was a bad parent or anything.

No— Takumi was just... insanely picky with who he was ok with holding him. Or being in his general presence.

And usually his list included only one person: Chuuya himself.

Although, for the time being, he seemed to be behaving.

SATURDAY—

Unfortunately, the 'urgent' matter was turning out to be a total disaster, according to Chuuya. Obito still didn't know the full story, but the bits and pieces he caught the other muttering as he hurriedly tried to prepare the kids' lunches (at midnight) were enough to make him cringe.

He and the kids had been watching a movie while they waited for Chuuya to return. Though they insisted on staying up until he did, they inevitably succumbed to sleep, so Obito put them to bed before quickly turning in himself. During this past week, the redhead had proved he could handle himself. If he needed Obito's help, he would ask for it, and the Uchiha would be there instantly (thanks to Kamui).

Sometime in the night, Chuuya had returned. Being a shinobi, Obito had immediately woken up when he heard movement around the house, only to find the man frantically trying to finish all his household duties while still being as quiet as possible so as to not wake up the kids.

"Do you need any help?"

"With the rest of the chores? No. I'm just about done." Chuuya shot him an embarrassed look. "But— and I'm sorry about this— I'm going to need you to take care of the kids for today too. I really need to figure this shit out before it gets out of control."

"Of course it's not a bother," Obito refuted. "Just... if you need any help, promise me you'll tell me."

"I will." Except Obito could see the guarded look in his eyes. It looked an awful lot like Kakashi’s back when they weren't being honest with each other.

And that was that. Chuuya had scarcely been able to eat a sandwich before he had had to leave again.

Once more, Obito would be in charge. Damn!

As if yesterday hadn't been eventful enough.

SUNDAY—

Today was the day.

The long awaited day...

"Can you stop that? You're making me nervous," Chuuya said, crossing his arms.

The redhead was currently sitting on the living room couch, joined by his two children. Takumi was upstairs in the nursery, asleep.

"No way! It's finally my time!" Obito was stood in front of a standing whiteboard he had brought in from who-knows-where. If he was being honest, though, Chuuya didn't really have much to fear. His rule changes weren't going to be dramatic— the redhead already ran the household pretty well.

But a little chaos wouldn't hurt, right?

"Well, without further ado. My first rule..."

SUNDAY—

Dazai wallowed in his misery for exactly 20 more minutes before stretching his arms above his head and returning to his snooping. If he was going to get saddled with all this work anyway, he might as well see if he could figure out what, exactly, he had gotten himself into. 

He already went through all the drawers and closets (and whatever else had a handle) on his first walk-through, so his specific aim this time around was uncovering anything that may be hiding in the nooks and crannies. 

So far… nothing. And Dazai had keen eyes, so it wasn’t like he was just missing something blatantly obvious, or so he would like to think. Even though he didn’t know these people personally, he didn’t need to in order to understand them; in fact, he often ran on less clues than an entire house containing all sorts of memorabilia.

The pictures, especially, told a clear story of who Obito and Kakashi were— a couple so disgustingly in love, or perhaps codependent was a better word for it— as well as their two kids. 

In his entire investigation, the only other thing Dazai found odd was the scrolls the family had in their possession. Because a large portion of them are blank. Who knows, maybe they were just an eccentric pair of people who liked collecting scrolls with no words, like those people who bought books to use as paperweights, never intending on reading them? But even as he thought that, it didn’t seem right. The house was too well-fortified, too cautious— not to mention the implications written in the manual— for that to be the case. 

Lost in thought, the brunette had been staring at the same family picture for the past few minutes, when he heard a knock on the door. 

It seemed like he was about to find out. 

Dazai scrambled to the vestibule, reaching it just in time for the door to open. 

Though he knew what to expect since he’d spent quite some time analyzing the pictures around the house, it was another thing to actually see the family in person. 

And one thing became immediately clear: they were tall. Maybe he had gotten too used to Chuuya and the other ADA members, his 5’11 height more than enough to tower over a majority of them, because he was unprepared for his new, temporary husband to be the same height. But, like Chuuya, he was also muscled in a lean way. And if he recalled correctly, the two children were only 12 and 10 years old, yet they were both more than half his height?!

“Yo,” the man greeted. His tone was plain and the mask on his face concealed his facial expression, leaving Dazai with little to no information of what he was thinking. Even his eyes— normally a window to the soul no matter how guarded one was— revealed nothing. That was certainly a first. The detective was interested already. “I’m Kakashi, the husband. These are my two kids. Shigure,” he gestured to the girl, who bowed respectfully, “And Kyoya.” 

“Nice to meet you!” The boy, who looked like a mini replica of his father, exclaimed. 

“Hello, hello~ My name’s Dazai. Dazai Osamu.” 

“Alright, Dazai.” Kakashi just nodded. 

An awkward silence followed as the two stared at each other, one sizing the other up, while the other thought of what to do next. The seconds passed like hours, especially to Kyoya who easy got restless. Still, it was clear that both children took their cues from their parent, as they didn’t make a move to break the tension without his permission— something Dazai catalogued. 

SHIGURE: No, Dazai-san wasn’t what we were expecting.  

KYOYA: He’s so thin! We could probably snap him like a twig without even trying!

“Well… shall we?” Kakashi gestured to the living room, apparently now noticing how long their standoff had been. Kyoya was immensely grateful. 

“I’ll follow your lead. It’s your house, after all,” Dazai replied. 

Yes. It was. And as his safe space (for his family too), he wasn’t sure how sharing it would go. 

“…Have you had anything to eat?” The silver-haired ninja asked in an attempt to make the atmosphere a little more comfortable. Regardless of what he felt, Dazai would be here to stay for the next 2 weeks. For the sake of the kids, he needed to keep the peace, even if he himself wasn’t at ease with a stranger in the space he and Obito had carved with their blood, sweat, and tears. 

“Ah… I had the breakfast my lovely husband cooked for me. But nothing after that.” 

“I see. We haven’t had anything to eat since breakfast either,” Kakashi then nodded to himself,  as if coming to a decision. “I can make something for all of us. How do you feel about Donburi with Miso soup?”

Dazai blinked. He hadn’t been expecting to be asked about his preferences seeing as he was a guest— the one that had to fit into the house rather than the other way around. Being accommodated was nice, but wholly unnecessary. He ate whatever Chuuya made with no complaints; the fact that his husband was a good cook was just a bonus, because if he didn’t make anything, Dazai would just… not eat anything at all. In fact, on one of his more memorable attempts, he had starved himself for days, but it just made him more irritable and miserable. Also, when Kunikida had found out, he had practically force fed him entirely too many meals, despite normally hating it when he had to pay for Dazai’s food. Overall, he gave the whole experience a zero out of ten, wouldn’t do again. 

He couldn’t very well say all that in front of this (seemingly) normal family, though, so he settled for, “Sounds great!”

“Ok. I’ll get started, then.” He looked at his two kids who were loitering around, clearly curious about the new adult in their home but holding back so as not to bombard him (mostly Kyoya). “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me. Shigure, Kyoya, can you keep Dazai company in the meantime?”

“‘Course, dad! Follow me, Dazai-san!” The ten year-old ushered the brunette toward the couch while his older sister followed behind them at a more sedate pace. 

From the kitchen, Kakashi could hear the sounds of their conversation. Kyoya’s voice wasn’t hard to identify, as he took after Obito and was loud and exuberant. Dazai and Shigure, however, had softer voices; if he didn’t have sharp senses (not to mention extensive training), he would have had to strain to hear them through the walls. 

As he cooked, his thoughts drifted to Obito. How was he doing right now, he wondered. Kakashi hoped he was having more fun and had made a better first impression than himself with Dazai. He didn’t dislike the brunette, per se, but there was definitely more to him than meets the eye, and Kakashi had not gotten this far without trusting his instincts. Although, maybe he wasn’t being entirely fair, territorial as he was when it came to his home and his family. 

For now, Kakashi decided he would go with the flow. He was more than capable of defending his family if it came down to it. His priority right now was just to get along with Dazai, which was a surprisingly hard task. Not because he was bad or anything, but because he wasn’t Obito, and every little difference just made Kakashi miss his husband more.

SUNDAY—

Obito spent the next hour after reading the manual with his head in his hands, rubbing his temple in irritation. He can’t believe what he just read. Seriously, Kakashi would have kicked his ass for being this lazy— because that was really the only word for it. Hell, he would’ve kicked his own ass! Honestly, he didn’t even know if he could trust what this guy wrote. It wasn’t as long as his (which made sense given what he knows of the man he’s replacing), and he guessed that if the other half of the couple had been the one to write the manual, it would be a whole lot longer. 

“Whatever,” he said, cracking his knuckles. “That just means I can do a whole lot of good while I’m here.”

Just then, the Uchiha heard the door open and light footsteps followed. Now, he may not be a sensor, but he was certainly capable of discerning when there was a presence this close to him. Either the husband was extremely talented in hiding their chakra… or this world had no chakra at all. The latter seemed more likely, but then again, the manual did say that the family he was coming into was no ordinary one. 

Obito immediately stood up, meeting the other man just as both rounded into the living room. 

The first thing he noticed about this Chuuya was his height. He was incredibly short, something that didn’t necessarily come across in the photos he’d seen around the house. If it weren’t for his face— one that spoke of maturity and experience while still looking very young— he would’ve assumed he was looking at a teenager,  not a whole adult with three kids.

The next thing he noticed was the other’s build. He was lean, but Obito could spy the muscle even underneath the tight get-up he was wearing. And, though he couldn’t sense any chakra from him, the shorter man radiated an unmistakable aura of power around him. This must be the ‘ability’ referred to in the manual. 

Seeing as the redhead was still looking at him with utter shock in his face (hadn’t he been informed this was happening?), Obito decided to introduce himself first. “Hey! Chuuya, right?”

Chuuya, on the other hand, was flabbergasted. This man was… huge! At least all Dazai had on him was height. Even after all these years, he was still slim, especially compared to Chuuya who tended to be the ‘muscle’ of the pair. The man standing in front of him, however, was not just taller than Dazai, but a lot more built. Possibly more than Chuuya himself! And didn’t that hurt his ego more than a little bit…

Oh, and the scars on the right side of his face were also wickedly cool! He wisely chose not to comment on them, though, just in case the other being reminded of them or discussing them. He has his own scars, after all, so he understood. 

“I— yeah,” the redhead cleared his throat to regain his bearings. This was his turf, damn it! “How did you know? I thought no one was to be informed beforehand.”

“Your husband wrote a manual with things I should know about the household. Obviously, you were in it.” From the surprise on the other’s face, Obito guessed he didn’t know that little tidbit, so he added, “I hope you don’t mind.”

Chuuya facepalmed. “Oh Kami,” he groaned. “What did that idiot write?”

“About you and your kids? All good things, I promise,” Obito chuckled, then said in a slightly darker tone, “Maybe too good, if you ask me.”

An eyebrow instantly went up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Obito tried to resist the urge— was there a tactful way of letting one know their husband is lazy and not doing enough and clearly taking advantage of them?— but he couldn’t. He had always been a loud, outspoken person. Kakashi was the quiet one. “Is it really true that you’re the only reason anything in this house gets done? If it had been you to write that manual, I have a feeling it would’ve had a whole lot more in it,” he blurted out. 

Chuuya blinked. He hadn’t expected that. Then again, he hadn’t expected Dazai to write a manual either— not because his husband didn’t have the foresight, but simply because he didn’t want to. “Let me see it.”

The redhead followed the Uchiha back into the kitchen where the manual sat in plain sight. “I could’ve sworn this wasn’t here when he left,” Chuuya muttered as he started to read it while the other took a seat next to him and observed. 

When he finally finished reading, he sighed. “Pretty much everything he wrote on here is true,” he said. “But you’re right. He missed— or, knowing him, deliberately left out— a few crucial details. Stupid beanpole.”

Obito smiled. Although he still didn’t agree with Dazai’s lack of contribution, he could appreciate the relationship he had with Chuuya. The redhead, despite knowingly doing all the work, doesn’t seem to hate his partner. On the contrary, they remind him of Kakashi and himself. For all they argue, they don’t actually mean it (most of the time). They just like to give each other shit. 

“I just realized I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Obito.”

“Nice to meet you, Obito. Sorry my incompetent husband didn’t give you much to go off of— I can fill you in on anything you’re confused about,” Chuuya returned easily.

“Oh, I’m not worried. He said you had everything locked down.”

“Damn right!”

And, just like that, they were talking. Conversation just felt so… easy with each other. Obito was naturally extroverted (and he had a lot of experience getting quiet people to talk too), but it helped that Chuuya was also very open and receptive to conversation. Before they knew it, the sun was on its way down, and the kitchen was shining a bright orange as the sun came through the open windows. 

It was the doorbell ringing that finally brought them out of it. 

“Oh shit— It’s Kouyou,” Chuuya said as he hurriedly went to the front door. “I knew you were coming today, so I asked her to take care of the kids. She’s like an older sister to me; I trust her with them. Plus, they like hanging out with their Auntie Kouyou,” he explained as Obito followed him. 

As soon as the door was opened, the redhead was assaulted by two bodies smaller than him. “Momma! We’re back!” Like kids do, they immediately launched into a play-by-play retelling of their day to their parent. Obito couldn’t help but smile at the sight— it had been a long time since his own kids were that young— when he felt a stare boring a hole into him. 

“Hi, I’m Obito, the swap partner,” he introduced, wanting to dispel her suspicion of him quickly. He was going to hold his hand out for a handshake, but then noticed the baby in her arms and settled for a disarming smile instead. “I like your kimono. It’s very pretty and clearly well-made. It reminds me of my daughter— she likes wearing elegant things.”

Fortunately, the woman seemed to relax. “It’s a pleasure, Obito. My name is Kouyou.”

Then, the chatter quieted, the two children seeming to have realized the presence of a stranger with them. The little girl— who clearly took after Chuuya, judging by her bright orange hair in braids— looked at him with excitement. “Are you our new daddy?!” 

Obito chuckled, “I’ll be acting as your dad for the next 2 weeks, yes. I’m not actually replacing him, though. I have my own family to get back to.”

The little boy was a lot more subdued than his sister. He simply stared at Obito, eyes wide with wonder. When he spoke, his voice was softer, but no less enthusiastic, “Can you write mystery novels like Uncle Poe?” 

“Um.” Obito didn’t know how to answer that. “No…? But I can tell you some stories of missions I’ve been on, and you can try to guess what happens.” He watched the boy for his response and didn’t see any disappointment, so he took it as a good sign.

Finally (it had only been a few seconds at most), a tiny smile appeared. “Okay!” The boy cheered, then took one of Obito’s hands. His sister copied the motion. “Let’s start now!” Before he knew it, he was being tugged away by two persistent 8 year-olds. The Uchiha just laughed, looking at the other two adults with a ‘what can you do?’ expression before accompanying the children inside the house.

“He seems like a good man,” Kouyou said simply.

“He is.”

“Then I hope he gives you some sort of reprieve while he’s here.” The subtle dig at Dazai was not lost on Chuuya. She and her husband didn’t hate each other, but that certainly didn’t mean they liked each other. They often had disagreements when it came to things involving Chuuya. 

For that reason, the redhead just said, “Thanks for taking the kids today. It helped a lot.” 

Understanding that the conversation was closed, the woman just nodded, passed Takumi to Chuuya’s waiting arms, and left. 

A hum of appreciation left the brunette’s lips as he observed the house that would be his new home for two weeks. Like his own, this house was certainly inspired. However, where his (or Chuuya’s, let’s be honest) house took a lot of its design from French architecture, this house was clearly Japanese-themed.

Poking around the inside just confirmed Dazai’s initial thoughts from the exterior. It was homey, comfortable, and… warm. If one stood in the kitchen at midday, the sunlight would shine perfectly through the windows and bathe the countertop and dining table in an orange glow.

Of course, Dazai being Dazai, he couldn’t help but snoop. His curiosity was peaked now. As he filtered through the rooms, it was alarmingly clear that this family was no more ordinary than his own.

For one: ever since he entered, there was this inexplicable feeling of safety, as if some kind of ability was protecting him. Or, better yet, protecting this house and everything in it.

For two: “Another one?” There was an abundance of weapons all around the house. Some were obvious, while others… let’s say he had to dig for it.

So, either this family was one of those overly cautious types… or they had something or someone worth protecting. Either way, it promised to be interesting.

“Maybe this won’t be as bad as I thought,” the detective said to himself as he took a seat at the table to thumb through the binder he had ignored earlier.

HOUSEHOLD MANUAL Hey stranger-replacing-me! Welcome to the Hatake-Uchiha house! I’m Obito, proud co-owner of this place, husband to the most amazing (and most prickly… and most annoying) man, and father to two adorable little geniuses. Shigure (the older of the two) is a lot like my husband, while Kyoya (the younger one) is more like me. They’re great kids; I have no doubt you’ll get along with them. Or, at the very least, they won’t give you any trouble. Anyway, I’m sure you’re curious what life will be like for you this next week, so let’s cut to the chase, shall we? BASICS Our family’s pretty busy. I don’t know how it works in your world, but in ours, most people (us included) live in villages. These villages are run by someone we call the Kage— for Konoha specifically, our leader is the Hokage. And, as of a month ago, I now hold the title. It was my childhood dream, so it still feels surreal to me. Like, I can’t believe they gave me the hat— me! …Where was I going with this? Oh! Right. Because of my job, I’m not home as much as I’d prefer. Running a whole village is a full-time gig and then some (seriously, the paperwork is just unbelievable). Kakashi’s schedule isn’t any better, but he has a lot more freedom to be home than me. I know, I know— this makes us sound like neglectful parents, and we’re trying our best, but duty calls. Good thing our kids are more than capable of taking care of themselves! They’re pretty independent and mature for their age, and now that they’re older, Kakashi and I trust them enough to leave them alone for a few hours. They know we’re never that far away should they need anything. You’ll probably find the house a little quiet… but that’s only until the work day is over, I promise! I try my best to make it home for dinner every day because that’s family time, and I like being with my family. Family is important. From dinner until bed, there is strictly no work. Both Kakashi and I agreed to that. So, we spend those hours talking or playing around with the kids. Not too exciting, huh? We’re lucky that it’s been really peaceful here these days— I mean, can you imagine the paperwork if not? That’s the stuff of nightmares— and we’ve built a nice little life for ourselves. I like to think of it as compensation for all the shit we went through when we were younger. Of course, we’re always ready to get back in the saddle in case anyone is stupid enough to threaten this beautiful life we’ve carved with our blood, sweat, and tears… but so far, so good. Nothing should happen during your visit.

RULES Honestly, Kakashi and I don’t have very many rules. Shigure came to us when I was 20 (and Kakashi freshly 19), so parenting was truly a journey… a crazy one, but one that I don’t regret a second of. There’s only a few things I can think of off the top of my head: 1. Make sure to communicate. Kakashi’s definitely a lot better at expressing himself than he was when he was a kid, but he’s still not the best. And since he doesn’t know you, expect him to be quiet. It’s nothing against you— that’s just how he is. Give him time, but if you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to tell him that. You can’t exactly parent alone, can you? 2. If the kids want to go somewhere, they should be letting you know. Or Kakashi. As long as one of you knows where they are at all times. It may seem excessive, but we’ve had… issues before, with the kids, that I’m not going to explain. Long story short, I’d rather be safe than sorry. You probably don’t have the same ability as me, so the kids will just have to suck it up for the time that you’re there. 3. Focus while you’re at work so you can be sure you’ll be home in time for dinner! Family time is a non-negotiable. 4. Please, if you can, don’t let Kakashi read his stupid porn book in front of the kids. I don’t care if the cover doesn’t show anything!

OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF - Kakashi does most of the cooking. We split all the other chores equally except for that one. If you (somehow) find yourself with some free time, I’m sure he’d appreciate it if you cooked for the family, but don’t feel pressured. He knows not to expect it, and he likes cooking anyway. - The kids are both Chunin. Kyoya just recently graduated from the academy, and even though Shigure graduated years ago, they’re on the same team. When they’re not on missions, they usually spend their time training. If you’re any good at fighting, you should join them! Those two would love a new sparring partner. Be warned, though: they’re very skilled. - If a guy named Shisui shows up asking for the kids, you can let them go with him. He’s their sensei, so he’s good— he’s probably taking them for a mission of some sort. - Don’t even bother trying to wiggle your way out of work. The ANBU (the Hokage’s personal guard) won’t let you and they will tattle to Kakashi, who will drag your ass to the office. Trust me, I tried. - If a lady named Kushina comes to the house, you do whatever she says. No questions asked. She’s not only the kids’ grandmother, but also the most terrifying woman alive. Please don’t put me on her bad side— Kakashi and I ask her for help with the kids all the time.

”Oh no,” Dazai sighed heavily, slumping down. “I definitely got the worse end of the deal.”

Damn! Out of all the people he could’ve swapped lives with, why did it have to be someone with more paperwork than he had?

He takes it all back; he was not looking forward to the rest of this experiment!

When Obito arrives, he’s a little dumbstruck. While his and Kakashi’s home wasn’t small by any means— it was actually quite big considering his Hokage salary and Kakashi’s ANBU commander salary— this was something else. Just the front was enough to make his jaw drop. There was not one, but two, perfectly manicured hedge mazes! And the tiled walkway leading up to the front door even had a fountain halfway up!

“Wow, these guys must be rich,” Obito whistled.

If the exterior of the house mansion was impressive, the interior was even more so. As he made his way inside, the man couldn’t help but admire the way everything was so neat, elegant, and meticulously set up. It was clear that someone had put their heart and soul into decorating this place, which Obito respected.

OBITO: Do they have kids? They can’t possibly have kids, right? This places looks so… it looks like a showroom, honestly. Shigure and Kyoya are probably two of the most well-behaved kids you can ever meet, but even they would make a mess when they were younger. It’s hard to believe this place can stay this… clean.

Investigating the second floor yielded the same awe. The whole place was spotless and arranged as if it was meant to be seen and admired. Still… for all its flair and focus on aesthetic, Obito could feel the love the owner had for their home. It was a model home, yes, but it felt lived in.

The family that lived here certainly spent time here.

”Well, I think I checked everything… was there something else I was supposed to do? Or just wait?” The man mumbled to himself. And, as if by divine intervention, he bumped into the kitchen table on which a binder sat. “Hm? What’s this?” Curious, he took a seat at the table and began to read.

HOUSEHOLD MANUAL Helloo~ I don’t know who you are, but welcome, welcome! I hope the house was to your liking… because you don’t really have a choice (also, my slug of a partner would be devastated, he put so much work into making this place perfect). Anyway, my name is Dazai Osamu. I share this house with my husband, Nakahara Chuuya, our twins, Satoshi and Kana, and the newest addition to our family: Takumi. Yes, it’s just the 5 of us in such a big place; don’t judge me, I had no say in it! BASICS Hm… what to put here? As far as family goes, we’re probably one of the least normal out there. Heh~ I don’t mean that metaphorically, I mean it literally. In our world, there are people called Ability Users, a small percentage of people who have powers of some sort. They can be anything, really; some border on ridiculous, while others are quite annoying to deal with. Chuuya, the twins, and myself all have abilities. We don’t know yet if Takumi will end up with one. Abilities can be acquired after birth, so even though he doesn’t show any signs now, that may change. As much as I’d love for you to find out yourself, if you have no ability of your own, it may be hard to handle my family. So: Chuuya can manipulate gravity to his will, Satoshi is able to make portals connecting two different places, and Kana has the ability to mold matter. Now I’ve told you enough— you can find out the extent of their abilities yourself~ As you can imagine, their abilities help a lot in our daily life. Mine? Not so much. That’s why I let the slug handle everything. I mean, he basically has the equivalent of telekinesis! He doesn’t even need to lift a finger if he wanted! Of course, Chuuya’s too honest and too much of a workaholic to do that. He cooks, cleans, works, takes care of the kids, and gets them ready for school. If he wants to do it all, why would I stop him? So prepare for a relaxing week— Chuuya has everything locked down, so you won’t really need to do much. I say you’re getting the better part of the deal here! RULES 1. The twins are quite self-sufficient for their age, especially with their abilities. Still, don’t let them out of your sight for too long! Chuuya and I, unfortunately, have a lot of enemies. It’s hard to overpower someone as strong as Chuuya, so the twins have been used as leverage once or twice. I promise you, you don’t want to see my husband when his kids have been taken away. 2. I’m on babysitting duty, which means you, by extension, are also on babysitting duty. Takumi is a good baby though, and cute, too! I know Chuuya feels the same— he’ll probably take him off your hands the minute gets home. OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF - I knew I forgot something! That’s right: I work at the Armed Detective Agency. As you’ve probably guessed, we solve cases, most of them involving an ability user. It’s a pretty lax job. I just show up whenever I feel like. For the most part, the others won’t mind. They’re a pretty eccentric group of people. Hey… while you’re taking over for me, would you mind doing my paperwork? Thanks~ - Don’t piss off Chuuya too much! I know it can be tempting (I know I always have fun doing it), but he hits hard. It’s complicated, but whatever gave him his powers also gave him crazy super strength. Be careful with the kids too; they seem to have inherited that strength. - The twins shouldn’t give you much trouble. They’re still kids, after all. If you want them to like you, though, Kana loves a good fight— she gets that from the slug, who’s a brute himself— and Satoshi likes playing games… mind games. Chess, puzzles, riddles, and, most of all, murder mysteries. He’s intelligent, that one. They’ll both be a force to be reckoned with when they’re older.

When he finally finished reading, Obito’s eye twitched. “Am I replacing a deadbeat dad?” He hadn’t even met him yet, but he already felt bad for this Chuuya; it sounded like he did everything! Children were no joke. Albeit, Obito’s experience was different from most, considering his eldest had been a total surprise… and he had only been twenty when she came into their lives.

The Uchiha angrily slammed the binder closed. “Like hell I’m gonna sit around and watch while this guy’s husband does everything for me!” Obito had been orphaned at a young age. He learned how to take care of himself early because there was no one else who could.

Obito would not be told to wait and watch!

Dazai is woken up by energetic bouncing. He groans, burying his head further into the pillow in an attempt to cover his ears, ignore the noise, and get some more hours of precious sleep. Unfortunately for him, his husband is a stubborn force of nature, and their daughter just had to inherit that trait too.

”Daddy, wake up! Wake uppppp!” The little redhead girl punctuated her yelling by shaking her father. “Momma said you need to get up already!”

However, if stubbornness was a competition, Dazai wouldn’t lose. So, after a few more minutes of this back-and-forth (one party trying desperately to drag the other out of the bed they were adamant on sinking into), the girl pouted and left the room. As soon as she left, Dazai breathed a sigh of relief.

He knew this victory would be short-lived, though.

“Oi, shitty mackerel!” Predictably, familiar steps barged into the master bedroom. “What the hell are you still doing in bed?! You know you leave today, right?”

”Just give me a few more minutes… I can be ready in five,” the brunette replied, but it was slightly muffled courtesy of the pillow still covering his face.

Chuuya felt his eye twitch. “You are not meeting this guy’s husband looking like you just rolled out of bed.” He grabbed the brunette by his shoulder and yanked him into an upright position. “Get in the shower and wash up—“ Dazai opened his mouth to argue. “I’ll brush your hair when you get out.” The protests died on his tongue. Instead, Dazai eagerly slipped into the attached bathroom, motivated by the promise of some pampering after.

Chuuya just shook his head as he watched the brunette close the door behind him. With an exasperated sigh, he began the painstaking task of preparing the other’s suitcase for him, knowing he wouldn’t want to do it himself.

“Momma,” a little brunette boy, carrying an even smaller one in a swaddle, popped into the bedroom. His quiet steps were obscured by the soft whimpers coming from within the blankets. “Takumi won’t stop crying. I think he wants you.”

”Here, give him to me,” the redhead said. Indeed, once the boy is passed over to his arms, the crying tapers until it eventually stops. With only one hand free, however, the man resorts to using his ability to finish the packing.

Chuuya really needed a break.

——

“Chuuuya~” Dazai called as he finished putting on the clothes his husband had laid out on the bed. “I’m ready!” Knowing the redhead wouldn’t take long, he sat himself on the floor just in front of the bed, patiently waiting.

As predicted, he didn’t have to wait long. Even better— his husband had brought him food, too!

Chuuya rolled his eyes, tracking the way Dazai hungrily looked at the plate in his hand. Without saying anything, he just handed it over, then took a seat on the edge of the bed to start running a brush through wet, brown locks.

After a hectic morning, there’s finally a moment of peace; the kids are busy playing some game in the living room, Dazai is too preoccupied with chewing (accompanied by happy hums) his food, and Chuuya doesn’t have to worry about anything other than wrestling his husband’s unruly hair into something resembling neat (which was not too hard, actually, considering it was still damp).

”There!” Chuuya smiled, proudly surveying his work. “Now you’re all ready to go.” Before he can stand up, the brunette grabs his arm.

”Do I have to?”

”Yes,” Chuuya said bluntly. With his superior strength, he easily escapes Dazai’s grip, then rolls the prepared suitcase to his pouting husband.

“Ugh, fine,” Dazai huffed. As he passed by the kids in the living room, both shot up to meet him at the door.

“Bye, daddy!” The two chorused. Fortunately, Kana seemed to have forgotten her annoyance with him (children truly have a short attention span).

”Bye kids~” When he brings his arms up for a hug, both children are quick to reciprocate. They launch themselves at him (Chuuya had the foresight to take Takumi from Satoshi’s arms), causing him to slightly stumble. “Don’t give your momma a hard time, ok? As for the other guy…” Dazai smirked, “If he gets too handsy with your momma, smack some sense into him for me.”

”Dazai—!"

The brunette quickly escaped through the front door before his husband could scold him.

“Where’re you going, pops?”

White hair suddenly appeared next to Obito, curious eyes cataloguing the amount of stuff on the bed. “Remember that experiment your dad and I talked to you and your sister about?” The boy nodded, so he continued, “Well… it’s happening. Today. For the next 2 weeks, you’re going to have a different dad.”

The boy seems to contemplate that for a moment, and Obito lets him, using that time to put all his luggage and essentials into his Kamui dimension. Within the next minute, the bed is cleared of everything, a stark contrast from the chaotic mess it had been before.

”Is he nice?” The boy piped up again.

Obito chuckled, ruffling his son’s hair. “I don’t know, Kyo. They haven’t told us anything,” he said. “If he isn’t, watch over your dad for me, ok?”

“Of course I will! But Dad probably won’t need my help— he’s too strong!”

Obito smirked at that. Strong was an understatement. Kakashi was a genius and a powerhouse, especially in defense of his family. “You’re right about that,” the Uchiha agreed as he turned to leave the master bedroom, his son trailing after him.

Speaking of… there was his dangerous husband. Although, he didn’t look like the threat that was probably printed in the Bingo Books; no, preparing breakfast in the kitchen for their daughter, he was the perfect picture of domesticity. As if sensing his steps (after so many years together, from teammates to lovers, they were very attuned to each other), the white-haired man raised his head.

“Finished packing?” Kakashi asked as he slid a plate of rice and grilled fish to Kyoya who had just taken his seat.

“Mm. If you call shoving it all into Kamui packing.” Obito wrapped both arms around the shorter man, pulling his mask down to deliver a chaste kiss. Unfortunately, there wasn’t time for more. Also, the kids were around, though they were so used to their parents’ affection that they were able to easily ignore it.

”Ahobito… are you lazy now too on top of being stupid?” Kakashi rolled his eyes. “Why wouldn’t you just pack a suitcase like a normal person? Imagine what the other husband will say when you pull stuff out of thin air.”

“But that’s literally what Kamui is there for!” Obito whined. “My pocket dimension is just one big, endless suitcase. If my temporary husband is surprised by it… well, they’ll get used to it eventually.”

The younger man simply huffed, not deigning that with a response. Instead, he pushed the broader man back, untangling himself from the embrace. “Here. At least eat before you go,” he said as he poked his husband with a plate.

“Thanks ‘Kashi,” Obito grinned.

There’s a moment of silence, the only sound the clinking of plates and quiet chewing as the family dug into their meal.

”Alright, I’m off!” Obito announced as he stood up, plate cleared.

“Hope you enjoy yourself, pops. We’ll miss you,” the young girl replied, leaning into the hug from one of her father figures. It would be two whole weeks before she felt it again.

“I’ll miss you all, too. Stay safe, you hear?” He said. “And if any of you are in trouble, call me. I don’t care if this thing is supposed to be two weeks, I will come home to help. My family is my first priority.”

Obito didn’t leave until he received three acknowledging nods.

And a quick, stolen goodbye kiss from his husband.

Of course, before Kakashi can retaliate, the familiar pull of Kamui takes his husband away.

After a tiring day of cases (read: Dazai thinking of ways to commit suicide and not actually doing any work), all the brunette wanted was to go home. What the brunette had not been expecting was to be confronted by a tiny, red-haired slug as soon as he stepped through the door. 

“Chuuya? What’s with that face?” The detective looked at the other nervously, immediately noticing the serious (and constipated) expression on his face. This didn’t bode well for his hopes and dreams— of laying on the couch and doing nothing the rest of the day— at all. 

“I need to talk you about something.” 

The brunette did not like the sound of that. “And this couldn’t wait until later? Tomorrow, maybe?” Or perhaps never? 

The other sighed, rolling his eyes. He was used to Dazai’s antics and tendency to avoid things he didn’t want to confront. “I just need to run it by you. I, more or less, already agreed.” 

“What’s the point of even telling me then?” Dazai whined. 

“Because you’re involved.”

“…involved in what way?”

“Boss gave me a mission today. I’m still not really sure why he’s even entertaining it, but… in two weeks’ time, I’m gonna be away. I’m switching lives with this guy from another world, or whatever, so I’ll be at his place with his partner while he takes my place here.” Chuuya carefully emphasized his next words, “With you. And the kids. So, you know, you’re going to have to be prepared for that. And make sure—“

“Wait, wait.” Dazai shook his head, trying to collect his thoughts. When he finally processed the words coming out of Chuuya’s mouth, his first concern wasn’t about the alternate universe thing, or even about a stranger coming into his house and living with him and the kids, it was— “You’re telling me you’re going to be staying with this guy’s partner? In his house?”

“Yes, that’s generally what switching lives entails,” the executive said dryly. “But seriously? That’s what you’re concerned about?”

“Yes, I’m concerned about it! What next, are you going to tell me you’ll be sharing the same bed too?”

“Wha— no!” Chuuya sputtered. “They’re married! We’re married! Mission or not, I would never have agreed if that was what was expected from me.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” The pout was clear in his voice.

“Boss approved it.” 

Knowing the other’s stubbornness and (ridiculous) loyalty, Dazai dug his heels in. “You don’t know what that other world is like! They could be dangerous.”

“You were content with brushing past that just a second ago!” The redhead argued. “And I can handle myself! I don’t need Corruption to be a threat.” 

“There has to be someone else, anyone else, that can do this mission.” 

“They need— specifically— a married couple. Who else do you know that’s married that can deal with any possible mishaps?”

The two would have stood there, bickering for hours, had it not been for a sudden, persistent ringing. 

Chuuya reacted instantly. He abruptly closed his mouth, shaking his head irritably. “Never mind. We’ll continue this later. The kids need to be picked up soon.” Then, he hurried to make it in time for school pick-up, leaving the argument unsettled.

Hah! As if Dazai would just let that stand. He watched him go, a glint in his eye.

He had an idea. 

——

“Oh? Dazai-kun? To what do I owe the pleasure?”

The detective scowled. He could tell by the smirk on the older man’s face that he knew exactly what he was doing, had probably counted on Chuuya telling Dazai about the mission to achieve his desired outcome: get Dazai to work with the Port Mafia once more. He hated to play right into his hands, but it couldn’t be helped. 

“You’re sending me in his place.” His tone brooked no room for argument. 

“You’re sure about that, Dazai-kun?” It was a meaningless thing to ask. Mori didn’t actually want the brunette to refuse. “Does Chuuya-kun know about this?”

“He doesn’t have a choice.”

——

Later, Chuuya would come home with an exasperated look on his face. 

“You’re so annoying.”

He wouldn’t admit that he was secretly relieved by the change in plans. Thanks to Dazai’s possessiveness, he wouldn’t have to leave home— his kids— for a long period of time with a stranger. 

Plus, Chuuya didn’t really trust his husband to be able to handle the responsibility of taking care of himself and the kids along with the presence of a stranger in his home when it should be Chuuya there. The last time the executive had been down for the count, Dazai had almost drowned in paperwork (and then vowed to never let Chuuya use Corruption ever again).

Yeah… this was definitely the better option.