Only a fool could be in love with death

fun date idea: pay for my tattoo

ghostbusters are always like who are you gunna call? ghostbusters! but it’s hard enough to call the doctor’s office i’m not gunna call the ghostbusters i’d just live with a ghost in my house forever

who you gunna call? no one i have anxiety

I’m not sure what kind of luck the $115 frozen pizza badger is supposed to bring but I’m not taking any chances

so no one told you life was gonna be this way 👏👏👏👏 your jobs a joke you’re broke the pm is theresa may

i envy people who have dreams with clear rational plots like “i was on my favourite tv show for a day” my dreams are like i’m in a diner and i’m pregnant. i leave the diner and i’m in a forest watching the pregnant woman who is no longer me. she turns around and now we’re in a jeep and she’s my dad. we’re listening to music which is somehow numbers. he asks if i remember the time we went to pakistan and i say yeah because i do. i wake up and remember i’ve never been to pakistan in my life.