Eucharisteo

When I was probably 15 or 16, I caught myself questioning why I couldn’t be happy like e v e r y o n e else around me. I had already decided I liked being sad and I enjoyed pity parties for myself. Certain things, like dance and photography, made me happy but I wasn’t happy all the time. I considered this normal. I considered this a problem every 16 year old had experienced. It took me 2 years to realize that not every teenager has to question their happiness 24/7. I learned a lot about happiness at my darkest times..

1. Happiness is homemade YOU can make YOURSELF happy. Do things that make you happy. Stay away from the things that make you sad. Surround yourself with happy, motivated people (their energy is contagious). 

2. You aren’t going to “find” happiness. Ever. You aren’t going to meet someone and say “Oh my goodness! Finally, I found the happiness I was looking for!” You will meet people that will make you uncontrollably happy but no one is going to fix this void in your mind. What I’m trying to say is.. Never depend on anyone else for YOUR own happiness. 

3. Force yourself to be happy Wake up everyday telling yourself you are happy and that it’s going to be a good day. Once I added this into my morning routine, I noticed I was becoming increasingly happier everyday. I started noticing the good in every day and started ignoring the bad. Let a bad thought have it’s moment in your mind, but never let it control your day. One bad thought can ruin a completely fine day. 

I’ve debated on writing about this because I was scared of hurting someone’s feelings or stepping on someone’s toes. I fully understand every situation is different but I believe others should hear my side of this story. 

Facts: Children without fathers are 4 times more likely to be poor. Fatherless children have a greater risk to be drug/alcohol users. 44% of children are growing up in mother-only homes

Father’s leave their families for many reasons. They leave because they’re scared of the future or maybe they feel like they can’t father a child. Maybe they leave because of the pressure and stress. Many times, they leave without a warning to the child or the mother. When a child grows up without a father, they only think that they weren’t good enough for their own father. The mother is left thinking he left because she wasn’t good enough. Children seem to catch onto things quite quickly so when they realize that something in their family is missing, is screws up their view of the family. Why isn’t my father here? Why does everyone else get a father except for me? Young children can’t grasp on to these questions. As a child ages, these questions grows into anger. Anger towards themselves, their father and their mother. My anger towards my father came out on my mom, because I didn’t know who else to scream at when the questions started piling up in my head. I couldn’t understand why this had to happen to me. 

Little girls who grow up without their father have a misunderstanding of relationships. I didn’t have a “perfect” relationship to look up to so my understanding of a relationship was distorted. These little girls who are questioning why they weren’t good enough for their own family are now going to start believing they aren’t good enough for anyone. They don’t have a guy at home, so they start looking at the guys at school thinking that maybe they can protect me. Truth is, no boy can protect you like a father should. You become vulnerable in hopes that a boy is going to come along and save you. Many people will argue that’s a normal problem between young girls, but these girls who are growing up without a father are looking for attention from guys in all the wrong places. I had such a distorted version of how a relationship should work and how a man should treat you. I never had a man treating my mom the way she deserved so how was I supposed to know what a man should do? 

If I could give one piece of advice to the little girl growing up without a father, it would be to never let your father’s decisions decide your fate. Also, you are not to blame for your father’s decisions and you will never be able to change your father’s decisions. God has given you this life specifically for you. I always wish I had my father when I was younger, but in all honesty, it’s made me who I am today and I am not ashamed of who I am. I am a whole person, despite the fact that my childhood was not “normal”. I am living, even without a father.