I remember looking up at him from the ground, the moonlight ever so softly illuminating his face in a blue hue. I couldnโt have imagined ever having such a moment, a moment where i didnโt want to change a single thing, a moment where no thoughts raced through my mind. I felt the cold crisp air on my skin, the rubbery playground floor on my back, the small pieces of bark that got entangled in my hair and clothes, but in that moment those things didnโt matter. The only thing I could grasp was the way he looked, so deep in thoughts I was desperate to understand, basked in the moonlight, sitting on a random swing in the middle of a city lulled in sleep. I remember wishing to stay with him in this moment forever, trying desperately to savour every detail of his face so that I could kiss it in my mind when I was no longer in his presence. The shortness of the trip weighed heavily on me, especially on that night. God grants few mercies, but I feel as if that night, he allowed one to slip through, a secret that only I was meant to keep and cherish, a blessing. Time moved ever so slow as I lay beneath Ethanโs swing, and for that I thank god for I relive it every night to keep me at peace. Maybe I shouldnโt be searching for those moments and be thankful for the one that I had, let the moment go and stop chasing it. Cherish it for what it was and the space it holds in my heart rather than expanding on them. Letting the moment just be.ย
It feels like sunlight flittering through a half-closed window, wind quietly whispering sweet nothings, painting stripes across the floor, the air thick with warmth and quiet anticipation.ย
We are young, yes, still learning, still testing the limits of ourselves and each other. Yet even in our caution, there is a reckless abandon, a willingness to let the heart lead, to allow the joy of being together to spill into every moment, no matter how mundane. A late-night walk, a shared joke over crispy toast, the first sip of wine from a bottle we picked out together, all of it becomes more than itself, transformed by the quiet gravity of love that is patient, tender, and deep.ย
He sees me. And I see him. When Iโm around him itโs like the world has gone quiet, colours are brighter yet paler in the same breath. Being seen has been so foreign to me for so long, something I feared yet so desperately craved. Maybe itโs the same for him. The fear that once you are seen that itโs not enough. That the lighting might be wrong or that our eyes donโt meet with the same level of understanding. Maybe heโs felt that he might never be truly seen, as did I. I noticed it first when we were on the rooftop smokers area at my work, the way you looked at me as if you could see through my shell and lay your eyes on my soft scared innards, innards that I held so close. Do you feel like that too? Wondering if youโre too much and not enough all at the same time? I see you. A willing surrender, a surrender I had not known was even happening right inside me.ย
