Tired and need to be caffeine Wired

good morning to the beaten and the damned only

no dragon age romance will ever compare to zevran arainai. he's bisexual. he was raised in a murder assassin torture cult after being raised in a brothel. he has a bunch of tattoos and even knows how to give them. he tries to murder you when you first meet him and then poses sexily afterwards. he says he's skilled at lockpicking and then never manages to pick a single lock in the entire game. he murdered his last lover after falsely believing that she betrayed the crows. he regularly slept with his marks before killing them to give them one last good night alive. when you ask him to have sex with you he says one liners like "arghhh pirate zevran reporting for duty!" he gets upset and broody when he realizes that he's in love with you after you ask him for more in your relationship. he proposes to you with an earring from a dead guy before he even tells you that he loves you. he's the only companion to almost completely stay with you after origins (besides the dlcs and parts of da2, he presumably stays with you the rest of your lives). if you die, he never gets into a relationship or has sex with anyone ever again. he constantly talks about you when he's away from you (da2). he calls the sword of the dead king of ferelden "sexy" and says that he "must have it". he's a devout andrastian. he loves being an assassin and doesn't feel bad about murdering people. you can have a threesome with him and a woman he used to sleep with and helped save from her abusive husband. he's slept with countless people and you're the first person that he's ever actually loved. he spends the rest of his life when he's not with you devoted to terrorizing the organization that abused him as a child (and adult) and killing of its leaders. when you tell him that you love him, he says that "he knows." he's blonde. and he's perfect in every way possible.