😔

Po usunięciu od razu jak wstawiłem kolejny to myślałem, że się wrzucił ale za szybko wyłączyłem aplikację.

“After all this time?

Only the absence of words

can truly show

how lost I am.

I’ve always known how to love.

Not for show,

not for comfort

but honestly, painfully.

Yet never without conflict.

My heart beats loud,

sometimes too loud.

And my hands tremble

when they try to hold

the silence after the storm.

It’s not love I lack.

You can’t erase the story of a life.

It will always be there

like a scar from a wound

that no longer bleeds,

but never disappears.

If you learn to live with it,

accept it as a lesson

it gets easier.

Not peaceful right away,

but at least you can breathe again.

We can’t remove from our lives

everyone who hurts or disturbs us.

But we can learn

to stop giving them power

over our hearts.

Change is not the enemy.

Sometimes it’s a bridge

back to what once was

only wiser, softer, more mature.

In moments of emotion,

we do things wrong.

Stress, nerves, impulses

they’re not who we are,

but who we are when we’re hurting.

But there’s one thing

you can never truly change:

a real feeling.

You can push it down.

Quiet it.

Let it fade to a whisper.

But it won’t vanish.

And me?

I can’t stop it.

I can’t silence it.

It still screams inside me

What should I do,

in your eyes?

I’m starting with small steps

I’ve unblocked you, added you back,

waiting in silence,

hoping that maybe

some kind of contact might return,

even in the shadow of a word.

But I see the tiredness in your eyes.

Like you’ve had enough of me.

Like every gesture I make

comes too late.

I see how deeply I hurt you.

And I see how much

you want to live a new life

one without me in it.

And me?

I can’t

because I’m still where you once were.

Your abscense cuts deeper

than silence.

And I no longer know

if any of this still makes sense,

or if I’m the only one

who still believes

I wanted to fix everything somehow.

Not just erase the pain of the past,

but build something

that isn’t just a repeat of yesterday.

I want us to be a better version of ourselves.

You – calmer.

Me – more present.

I don’t want to walk the same paths again,

because I know

they lead nowhere good.

I can’t truly fall in love

with anyone else anymore.

Not because I haven’t tried,

but because my heart

made its choice

a long time ago.

I never wanted

all those years

to turn into just memories.

For our “once”

to stop meaning “maybe again.”

Because I still believe

that someday love can start over

differently.

I accept you just as you are.

With every thought,

fear,

joy, and anger.

I don’t want to change you.

But I’m afraid…

Afraid of no change at all.

That too much will stay the same.

That what once hurt us

will stand between us again.

I want so badly to have you in my life.

Not for a moment,

but truly forever.

I want to build a family with you,

to see you in the everyday,

in breakfast, in silence, in exhaustion.

But what if…

if jealousy creeps in again at night,

if trust slips through our fingers once more?

Will we let it break “us” again?

I can’t imagine anyone else

beside me.

Not in these places.

Not in that future.

Not in my heart.

But my heart knows that pain already.

And only it knows

how much it wants to believe

that this time,

You were never my Plan B.

I wasn’t waiting for a better time,

I wasn’t searching for someone else.

I always wanted

you to be the first.

And the only.

I wanted to place you at the start of every day,

to be your shelter,

not the reason for your tears.

I’m afraid…

Afraid that nothing has changed,

that we never buried our demons,

that they still lie there,

silent,

waiting to tear us apart again.

I can’t love anyone else.

Not because I have tried,

but because every thinking

leads me back to you.

Everything reminds me of you.

Every place where we laughed.

Every moment that could’ve been ours.

Every second that misses your hand in mine.

I carry you within me,

like the echo of an unfinished melody.

I never blocked you anywhere.

That day in the flood of emotion,

I didn’t know what I was doing.

My heart was screaming,

and my mind stepped away.

Now I’m quieter.

I watch from afar,

but not with indifference.

With hope.

I’d love to slowly

gently rebuild a thread of contact.

Not to force, not to invade,

just to be.

Maybe a photo of a morning coffee.

Maybe a “have a nice day”

sent between the lines of silence.

I know I hurt you.

I won’t deny it.

But I don’t want anything by force,

because love doesn’t like to be pushed.

If something is meant to be ours,

then that is what it will be.

Without pressure.

Without rush.

Time is not the measure of loss.

It doesn’t tell you when the pain should end.

It doesn’t decide how fast

a person understands

they’ve lost something priceless.

I knew it right away.

I knew it in every moment of silence,

in every empty stare,

in every dream

where you were still beside me.

My words

they’re not hollow sounds thrown into the wind.

Each one is carefully weighed,

heavier than I can carry,

because each comes from deep within my heart.

If I didn’t miss you

I wouldn’t tremble at the thought of you.

If I didn’t hurt

I wouldn’t long for your voice.

I wouldn’t respond to your gestures,

wouldn’t search for you

in every little sign.

If I truly wanted

to vanish from your life,

if I was certain

there was no place left for me

I would disappear.

In every possible way.

But I’m still here.

Because it’s not time that gives meaning

it’s the heart