Ya' Like Art

Transcript:

[The video shows two people, Divinity (left) and Nik (right). Text above their head says "Happy Aromantic Awareness Week". Their socials are also above their heads, with "@/officiallydivinity" and "@/nikhampshire (ig)". Divinity has the label "Aromantic/GreyAce" under her and Nik has "AlloAromantic".

Divinity: "What's up potatoes, it's Divinity."

Nik: "I'm Nik Hampshire."

Divinity: "Some of you may know it's Aromantic Awareness Week and we're both aromantic. We wanted to do a fun little video of some things we may find repulsive or that we may be into as romantic repulsed aromantics."

Nik: "True."

Divinity: "So we just wrote down a couple of things and we actually don't even know each other's answers yet, so this is gonna be fun. Hand holding. One, two, three."

Both of the hold up a thumbs down.

Divinity: Same! Cuddling. One, two, three.

Both hold up a thumbs up.

Divinity: (laughing) Yes!

Nik: Non-holiday gift giving. One, two, three.

Divinity holds a thumbs up. Nik holds a thumbs down. He switches to a thumbs up.

Nik: Nah. Like it depends who it is though. Like if its somebody that I-

Divinity: It depends what it is as well.

Nik: That too, yeah. So really there's like a lot of context that comes into that.

Divinity: If it's a funko pop, I- I want it. If it's flowers for no reason...

Nik: And it's like if we don't know each other, if we're just hanging out as like we're hooking up or it's just something casual and you start giving me gifts. I'm like... nah.

Divinity: That's suspicious. Nicknames. One, two, three.

Both give a thumbs down.

Divinity: No! Do not call me babe!

Nik: Pop Ins. One, two, three.

Both of them give a thumbs down.

Nik: Don't come by my house.

Divinity: You better text, call, send a smoke signal.

Nik: Don't call, don't call either- Good morning/good night text. One, two, three.

Divinity keeps her thumb sideways while Nik gives a thumbs down.

Divinity: I'm indifferent! (laughing) It just depends on who it is.

Nik: True.

Divinity: PDA. One, two, three.

Both give a thumbs down. Nik moves himself out of frame completely.

Nik: Uh, playing with a partner's hair. One. two, three.

Divinity gives a thumbs up and Nik gives a thumbs down. He switches it up and down a few times.

Nik: Eh, kinda depending on context.

Divinity: I mean it's a wig, you wanna wear it. You know. Cooking for someone. One, two, three.

Both give a thumbs up.

Divinity: I love cooking!

Nik: I love to eat.

Divinity: I love cooking!

Nik: Covering the bill. One, two, three.

Divinity gives a thumbs up. Nik hesitates before giving a thumbs up.

Nik: Uh yeah it depends.

Divinity: I like to go dutch though because if someone is paying for everything I start to feel like-

Nik: Yeah that's kinda how I feel.

Divinity: It just feels so much like a date.

Nik: So I go halves.

Divinity: Yeah, I'm a halfsies...

Nik: Again, until there's like a repertoire and we know we're friends then I'll cover-

Divinity: Yeah.

Nik: That being said, obviously what is and isn't romantic is subjective per person and even per incident. Like sometimes with the same person something might feel romantic at one point, it might not feel romantic at the next. So it's up to you guys.

Divinity: Never let what the appearance of what something looks like stop you from enjoying the activity with someone because you're afraid of being "perceived" as something.

The text "Bloopers" appears on screen, showing parts they messed up on.

Divinity: All that being said, I forgot what I was about to say (laughing). That's what she said, I'm sorry. That being said I hope that you all know romantic gestures- what are they?

Nik: Gestures.

Divinity: Yeah.

End Transcript]

by Tess Jolly

I will not write about Christmas lights garlanding the tree, how steadily red blends to sapphire emerald gold, how strong the little bulbs must be to throw their dancing hearts upon the café wall, how children try to catch them. I will not say there is tinsel draped about the branches like seaweed over pebbles, nor paint the cloths swaddling our skins apricot, indigo, violet, teal. I will not speak of glazed pastries on the counter, how they shine so much they could be varnished, there for the hell-of-it, for the sheer beauty of their glistening berries. I’ll turn away from buses heaving down the rush-hour road, ignore how in all this rain the headlamps could be tumbling garnets, polished amber, as if a picture-book box of pirate treasure had spilt its pearls and precious stones across a tarmacked page.

They are reading through an article about people who are intentionally having many children. The reasoning for this (according to the article) is to combat population decline.

The Ace Couple go over the article, and there's a lot of talk about amatonormativity, allonormativity, and other interesting things to the ace and aro communities.

beautifully said. 💜

original

---

Video description: A TikTok that starts with an on-the-street interviewer, which is then stitched by a Black man standing in his yard with grilling stuff behind him. He has short natural hair, glasses, and is wearing a dinosaur button up. Username @/sciencewithtyus

Subtitle transcript (thank you @ace-bard3-paladin1):

Woman: Do you have any advice for straight men?

Man: Hi ace man here. I actually do have some advice for straight men -- don't mind me I'm just outside, I'm getting the grill warmed up -- But yeah I have some things I think I can contribute to this conversation.

Now, you might be wondering to yourself "what could an ace person possibly contribute to this conversation?" But in a similar way in which women understand the patriarchy in the way they're subjugated under it more than men do, in the way that Black people understand whiteness more than white people can perceive it as a construct and how it's been manipulated in a way to impose forms of power on a systematic level, ace people often have to unpack and disentange the way that what desire and sex means in society -- and the way that often it can be compulsory in a way that it is assumed that we're all supposed to participate in it. So that's really important to think about what we're going forward in this conversation.

I first want to say that I think it's unfortunate because I feel like a lot of men have been sold this lie through western media -- television and even some forms of even literature -- that the quality of men's lives are not of any value -- of any substance -- unless it's on the condition of having some sort of romantic partner, or an individual of like, of substantial attractiveness. Which I feel like actually hurts a lot of people in the long term.

I find one of the major problems with advice that is given to straight men -- and many other men around the world -- is that it's given under the expectation that it will accumulate or accrue some form of social capital, and I find that that's incredibly dangerous for a lot of people out there, when it comes to this idea that you should do something only because it's advantageous -- but rather than the fact that you enjoy doing it.

You hear a lot of guys in, like, men's advice columns or podcasting "women love guys that do interesting things" and I'm sure there's definitely a sense of accuracy to that. But here's the question, though: is that like -- do you find that interesting yourself? Do the things that give you joy, and you will attract the people around you in proximity to the things that you share common interest with.

Don't take ceramics because you're trying to find your future partner, take ceramics because you think it'll be an interesting class that you maybe will end up actually enjoying for a long period of your life.

So aside from the basics that I feel generally benefits a lot of men -- like have decent hygiene, decent self maintenance -- you know maybe have a hobby, one or two -- once again it's not a competition, do it because you like it.

There's often one that I feel like is left out in this conversation, and that's like, live a life of substance, live a life for yourself, live for yourself. Not for other people, or in the hope of doing something in an expectation of getting something out [of] it. Do it because you like doing it, and radiate that joy.

[ Image Description: Two quote images. Both have the same purple-hued silky fabric background with pale lavender text on a dark square. At the bottom is a dark purple band and the attribution: "Angela Chen, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex."

The first quote reads: “Within relationships, the desire to have sex and the desire not to have sex are so often treated unequally because of the common belief that entering a relationship requires giving up a measure of consent.”

The second quote reads: “Harmful, consensual sex happens and people should be allowed to speak freely using those terms. Those who have been harmed by sex deserve support regardless of whether they consented. Everyone should acknowledge the other side too, that we can hurt someone even if we did not mean to and even if we checked in and tried to do due diligence.”

I am a model and an asexuality activist, and I am an aromantic asexual.

There was never really a time where I didn’t think I was asexual. I noticed when I was about eight and I was in primary school like everyone’s hormones seemed to kick in and all of a sudden the boys and girls didn’t want to just play with each other; they were going out with each other and they fancied each other and I was like, “Alright, what’s this?”

The default is straight so when people would ask me I’d be like “Well I guess I’m straight but I don’t like boys.” And they were like: “Well then you’re probably not straight.” They said: “Well do you like girls?” and I was like “No, I don’t really like anybody.” And they were like: “Well maybe you’re asexual or something?” And I was like “Alright, that sounds good.” So I Googled that and I was like “Yeah, sounds about right.” So when I was about 14, I just started using that word.

I find that most of the time, in my personal life, people just kind of re-interpret it their own way. So I’ll say: “Hey, I’m asexual” and they’ll be like: “Oh ok, so you’re well behaved.” They’ll just switch it. I’ll be like “I’m asexual” and they’ll be like: “Oh, you’ll find the right person, don’t worry” and I’ll be like “That’s not what I said.”

It has nothing to do with being a prude, it has nothing to do with being insecure, and antisocial, and introverted. It has nothing to do with how you look—that’s something I get a lot—people are like: “Oh but you’re good looking, you don’t need to be asexual,” which usually tells me that A) people think that there is an asexual look and that it isn’t a good one, and 2) that asexuality is a choice that people take when they can’t get dates or that they can’t get laid, which is really strange.

One of the benefits of being asexual is definitely that you don’t have to worry about–if you’re aromantic—you really don’t worry about relationship stuff. I know some asexual people do worry about that but I don’t have that problem.

I think that representation is definitely very important because I think the LGBTQIA+ community in general is pretty whitewashed in its representation. That is not only ironic for the community that’s supposed to be so inclusive and diverse if it doesn’t look like that, it’s also counterproductive for minorities that are part of it because it’s kind of seen as being a white thing, which definitely doesn’t help when you are trying to come out and people don’t take it seriously in your community because it’s seen as being this white kid thing.

FYI, there are many memes about the ace community invading & taking over Denmark because there are more asexuals in the world than there are people in Denmark. These memes often also mention the ace love for cake, garlic toast (because food is better than sex), and dragons (because they’re mythical and it’s sort of an inside joke because that’s how some people view aces)  

In July, the Supreme Court of Sweden ruled in a landmark case that a relationship doesn’t have to involve sex to be considered significant. In a case involving an asexual couple in which one of the two parties is deceased,  the court emphasized that a relationship should be characterized by a close community in personal terms that normally occurs between married people and that sex doesn’t have to be involved for that to happen. It was a significant win for asexual people in Sweden.

However, in America, a darker reality exists for asexuals even on this Ace Week, as religious nationalist groups are actively trying to block the Respect for Marriage Act from passing in the Senate. Not only is the religious right seeking to ban gay marriage once again, but they have also signaled a future attack against asexual marriages.

As obtained by Politico, some 83 Christian nationalist groups (led by the Alliance Defending Freedom) released a letter in July imploring  Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) to block the Respect for Marriage Act, because marriage equality somehow opens the door to further immorality, like platonic marriages.

The Witherspoon Institute, a right-wing think tank founded by Robert P. George (who founded the anti-LGBTQ hate group American Principles Project), came out with an op-ed entitled “Why We Should Push Back against Platonic Marriage.” The editorial’s author, Alan J. Hawkins, laments the idea of asexual marriages existing because he feels allowing asexual marriages will lead to a “marriage inferno.”