welcome to the haus of fun

There has to be some godless injoke

My ride is here

we need carbs and we need fats and we need proteins and honestly fuck diet culture for normalizing malnourishment 

i use my phone to do everything. except make phone calls because phone calls are awful

It’s been 8 months of 2017 and I’ve simultaneously felt all and none of it.

sorry i can’t relate to mean people. i can understand not being openly friendly but how can you go out of your way to actively be so mean….on purpose….for fun….aren’t u exhausted …

medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later

this girl at work was like “would you date a guy shorter than you?” and i said “nah fam.” and this other guy was like “don’t you think that’s kinda shallow?” and i looked him dead in the eye and said “i’m a lesbian, carl.”

“i’m a lesbian, carl” is now the official companion to “harold, they’re lesbians”

A Hero.