quarantine girl

“There are days or weeks or even months when I read the Bible and there are no grand epiphanies. There are whole seasons of Sundays when I sing praise and feel nothing. There are times of prayer where the silence kills me. There are great Christian books and podcasts that I eat up which don’t budge my spiritual life. There are too many times when I doubt the very existence of God and the sending of His Son. It can all feel like a crazy lie. I’m probably being too honest — but I’ve found that I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s in those times that I ask myself, “Am I out of love with God somehow? Am I losing my faith here? How do I get back to where I used to be?” But I keep reading my Bible. I keep singing on Sundays. I keep praying. I soak in books and sermons. I serve. I enjoy the company of mature Christians. I enjoy the fellowship of the broken. And you know what? Sometimes the clouds part and God comes through and His love squeezes my heart and I fall to my knees remembering how good He is. Then I read Scripture and can’t stop weeping and I turn on Christian songs in my car full blast and sing loud enough to scare the traffic. I serve with shaking hands and get convicted by those sermons and soak in God’s goodness all over again. So I’ve learned over time: I wasn’t really out of love with God. I’m just a fragile human being who changes as much as the weather. I was setting a ridiculous standard for myself that can’t be defined by self-pressuring parameters. I was tricked by the enemy into judging my flesh. My faith is based on His grace and not my feelings. And I think I need to relax.”

“Don’t believe everything you think. You cannot be trusted to tell yourself the truth. Stay in the Word.”

“You are the sum total of everything you’ve ever seen, heard, eaten, smelled, been told, forgot - it’s all there. Everything influences each of us, and because of that I try to make sure that my experiences are positive.”

“I was within and without. Simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life”

““All the bright, precious things fade so fast. And they don’t come back.””

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”