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My computer is in the shop, and this iPad's safari is faulty as the electrical grid in a gird world country and keeps loosing my progress. No reviews until I get my computer.
"Hey bitches. I'm all grown up now! I guess I can spare you a little of my street-smarts to help you survive out here."
LET'S DO THIS
Art Quality:
So one thing I definitely can see going through the blog is not so much as improvement, but specialization and style change.
Before:
(Bet you didn't think I'd pull this out, eh?)
After:
Is the change better or worse? Neither - they're too different. However, you seem to kinda go back and forth on different styles, and it's jarring. The different styles makes it difficult to determine things that need work. BUT I DID ANYWAYS! YEAH!
To simply put it:
(Thanks Jitterbugjive)
This problem hasn't shown up in a while, but this seems to be due mostly to avoiding shots that would include an awkward pose (also difficult to tell if you've overcome this problem or not due to lack of pictures). So if need be, here's another handy reference for legs
(Found here)
(Also found somewhere among Jitterbug's cacophony)
So anyways, work on anatomy and consistency, and I would have to sayĀ
Overall: 6/10
Story Structure:
Strangely enough, I do get the story, and it does seem interesting. However, there is one of a few big roadblocks to really appreciating it fully:Ā
I mean, a broken scootaloo has been popular ever since it got popular off 4-chan. What should you do? Come up with something extremely unique that's not offered among the other scootaloo variants (and there are a lot). Make it so it's not all gloom, pathetic, and grim. Honestly, I think you actually are on the right track. The silliness that you picked up is beneficial towards its appeal. The story also seems to be reaching some resolution which isĀ great.Ā
Then there's the other big problem: CLUTTER! There's so much nonessential/unrelated posts that make it hard to fully follow what exactly is going on. It's okay! Lot's of blogs have this problem, but it still needs to be fixed! The best solution would be a story button.Ā
But there is something to it! Just gotta make it stand out!
Overall: 5/10
Characters:
I feel like you have a good grasp of what good characters are, and I believe that you have a well thought out Scootaloo who's true to her nature. However, your characters haven't a chance to be really introduced or foiled. The character bio sheet is really helpful, but the information isn't coming through clearly in the story. The short of it is that the narrative fails your characters. But they don't seem bad at all.
Overall: 7/10
Accountability:
Not to be blunt, but you seem fairly alienated. Updates are infrequent, and your modblog seems to be really quiet. Plus, a lot of recent posts on Scoot's blog are clutter. Including the clutter posts, the average time for updates seem to be about 3 to 4 weeks, and the modblog is about 2 weeks.
Overall: 5/10
Overall Accomplishment:
As always, interviewee's answer in bold, my response in italics.
Why did you make the blog in the first place?Ā I had literally just found tumblr pony ask blogs and I got so pumped I really wanted to make my own! So I doodled what would become my first post, and just kind of went from there.Ā If you want a story done right, you gotta write it yourself, eh? Just couldn't do with other's having the fun - that's the creative spirit! And what a interesting direction to go. Ironically, many others chose the same thing...
What were your intentions with the blog?Ā I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING/ NO PLANS. I literally just made stuff up as I went in the beginning (huge mistake). Ā Yeah, not to be blunt again but I could tell... It's hard to conduct a train without any tracks. But hey! YOU GOT SOMEWHERE DIDN'T YA?
What keeps you motivated for the blog?Ā āve seen a lot of Scootaloo blogs fall, and I donāt want to be one of those! I mean, of course eventually it will have to end, but I want to keep going for as long as I can, I would hate to disappoint people!Ā Come to think of it, all the other scootaloo blogs that I've seen before are dying out. But if you really want to stand out and not disappoint people, fix that narrative! I think you have some good content, but your form is incoherent. YOU SHALL BE THE BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY THAT WILL FLY HIGHER THAN ALL THE REST! YOU WILL HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS, ALL POWERFUL SCOOTALOO BLOG!
What are you plans for the blog?Ā Ā Pretty much just to keep on going as I have been. Answering asks, with the occasional mini story-arc along the way.Ā Well, your story-arc serves no good unless you intend to go somewhere with it. If you can't think of a good direction, maybe you want to shy away from the story. Then narrative would be less of a problem. Random blogs are easier anyways. Who needs story blogs? What do they even do?
YOU DID IT! I do hope I helped! Remember, I'm trying not to break down but rather build up! SO GET OFF YER BUM AND GET TO WORK, FUTURE NEW YORK #1 BEST SELLER!
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"We are the koi ponies. Come and ask us questions about our kind or just have some fun."
Note: Sorry these have been taking so long. I'm what you would call a... procrastinator... yeah. It has nothing to do with blogs in question, though it takes awhile to get a decent synopsis of these blogs. Right then...
Art Quality:
I'm not entirely sure what's going on, but I know that there is for sure something wrong with the creative process that leads to the final products. It's as if you studied/referenced/worked really hard on some portions of the picture, and didn't try on the others. The blog really lacks some good consistency since I see some really good samples and some really poor samples. What I can conjecture is that you have some good references stashed up in your computer somewhere, but you're not entirely comfortable with the complete picture. Consistency definitely needs work. Environment needs the most work along with character interaction in dimensional space within that environment. But good news is that you have a good, simplistic style that it should be pretty easy to do. I see the style coming through, and it's good!
Oh yeah, some of your stuff looks like either you used MS paint or did some really poor clipping.Ā Try to keep your pictures clean.
Overall: 6/10
Story Structure:
As far as I can tell, there are some fish ponies living in some pond and some things are going on but I'm not entirely sure what or if any of the events are following some sort of narrative. But then I found this post, so now I have some idea what's going on.
Listen, if you want some sort of main story or traceable events to keep the blog going, what you want to do is keep is simple. The premise of the blog is simple, the art style is simple, and the koi ponies are cute at best. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad that it's simple. Simple is fun - you just have to keep that in mind. You don't want to branch off into some extraordinary adventure, sappy love story, or get too weird with what you got because it's already a little weird. Koi ponies? Pfffft! It's funny! But there are things in the blog that seem a little too serious or are just too extraneous to be entertaining. Plus, they're kinda all over the place with lots of fluff in between that don't mean anything. What you want to do is either keep to one, concise story or easily distinguishable posts so that you can do a little of this or that and not have the audience be lost - ya know, like Family Guy (implying Family Guy is good :P )
Overall: 3/10
Characters:
Ā Cassie and Platinum (respectively) are okay characters. Not great, but not bad either. I don't know enough about them to really care. They don't have any fun ticks, recognizable traits, or unique qualities. Don't mean to offend, but they really seem like copy/paste characters. Especially Platinum who looks like Fluttershy. And even though he's been introduced, I have yet to see the owner. I would consider taking the characters back to the stand and sculpting them out more. And be unique!
Overall: 5/10
Accountability:
Nothing to say here! Updates are constant, ModblogĀ is very active. Just need to lay off them fluff posts (text posts). So yeah, good job!
Overall: 10/10
Overall Accomplishment:
Ā Why did you make the blog in the first place?Ā
I started Koiponiesā¦ well honestly I started it for myself. I wanted a project I just personally enjoyed that would also push me to improve as an artist, to draw more regularly.Ā
What more reason do you need? As for improvement, I do see it. Keep it up!
What were your intentions with the blog?Ā
I originally intended it to be a silly blog that I could infuse my passion of koi and have the characters just kind of interact with anyone who asked a question.Ā Yeah I could tell it was meant to be silly. Koiponies are quite silly. Just remember that as you continue with the blog. ...Passion for Koi, eh? I guess Koi are cool.
What keeps you motivated for the blog?Ā
I keep myself motivated through a combination of my love for the characters and my friends, several of which I met because they were fans. I may not have many followers but I have a few very kind ones.Ā Well that's good! Though, I feel as if a follower boost would be good for you! I'm not saying leave behind the friends you make - never do that. I would suggest trying to branch out a bit and make yourself known. Some more followers would do wonders for you motivation.
What are you plans for the blog?
My plan is to expand the koipony world so to speak. New characters, ponds, maybe even a crossover at some point. I mostly hope that eventually I can convey Cassie and Platinum the way I see them in my head. Full rounded characters that people will love.Ā I feel as if this is hard to do. Like I said, koiponies are silly little things. What is the world of the koipony but a small pond? If you're going to expand the world, do it in the way of Toy Story or Rugrats. Something that is obviously small are the perfect giants for your koipony. And I look forward toĀ seeingĀ Cassie and Platinum as well rounded characters.
So what if you need some work; you're doing well! As I see it, you just need a hint of professionalism. I hinted that both form and content need work, but I would focus on form first. And who knows, Koiponies might be the next fluffy ponies -Ā a cancerous blight upon the unknowing innoscentĀ unrecognized greatness!
"H-hello... my name's Ember Bell, but you can call me Ember. I live on the outskirts of Ponyville at the edge of the Everfree Forest. I-I guess you can ask me questions..."
^ I can no longer think of any intros or quick descriptions of blogs anymore. Part of it is my inability to open up discussions, papers, stories, etc. Another part is South Park. I can't write a description without South Park's silly voice over guy saying the lines. "Rob Schnider is... A CARROT! Rated PG 13. So just gonna copy paste descriptions from the original blog from now on. OKAY. Back to business.
Art Quality:Ā
If there's one thing that stands out when going through this blog, it's improvement.
Throughout the blog, you've added backgrounds, appropriately proportioned ponies (say that 5 times fast), and gained an overall unique style and feel. I feel confident enough that your art is sufficiently good.Ā Now make it better.
What I mean by that is that occasionally some of your characters seem awfully dull in the most respectful way possible.
Just like in a way you want a book to be dynamically written, you want your characters to act dynamically. I think you're ready to expand from characters simply displaying an action toĀ feelingĀ the action.Ā
This concept is a little new to me too, but I'll try to explain. Dynamism is the art of showing vigorous and emotional actions and events. How do you do that? Put your body into it!
I don't care if you follow the lines like in the picture above or use them, but what I do care is that your charactersĀ feel like they're displaying an action. Your characters are fluid and they're being carried in the flow of energy and action displayed in the picture. And, of course, when doing thing you want to keep the pictured balanced as well.
Another thing that I've been noticing is that your pictures seem a tad off balanced. Let me introduce to you a cinematic concept called the rule of thirds. It's the process of adding imaginary, equidistant lines in the picture breaking it into 3 columns and 3 rows. The purpose is to give the picture appropriate balance.
Take this conveniently found stock photo I pulled up. You can see that the dog is fully in the right column. If it was only the dog, the picture would be completely unbalanced and feel awkward. However, the dog's shadow neatly stretches across the other columns giving it a more full feel to the picture. It's still not perfectly balanced due to the fact there's more detail in the dog than in the shadow, but it works well nonetheless.
Along with this, there's another concept referred to as Lead Room or Rule of Space. If there's a character on one side of the screen, chances are that there is some significance in the opposite end. Like in the picture, the opposite end is saved for the space that the person is looking at. In action shots, the object that's traveling is often at the opposite end of the screen its traveling towards. It's a really good rule to keep when attempting to get a good balance for a picture.
Overall: 8/10
Story Structure:
Did you all think I was joking when I say I really don't like the Doctor in stories?
I really don't.
That being said, I think I can forgive this story. Just remember my personal bias when reading through this.
So let me try to wrap up the main portion of the blog's story. Ember is some odd character that reincarnates at one time or another in fantastical stories. However, she obviously does not fit in the story and winds up making it crumble into on itself. If for some reason the story continues on past its climax and heads towards resolution, everyone will die.
I actually really think it's a neat concept, but what I'm having a hard time being convinced of is the "story" aspect. Nothing so far actually suggests that the normal world is just that: a story. What do you mean by story? As explained in the blog, Ember has somehow replaced some other Ember and lives her life. So she possesses one life after the next? Or is she really in a bunch of stories? I just find that unclear.
And then there's the doctor
I just feel as if his part would have been better suited with some other character - preferably an OC of some sorts. As far as a catalyst goes, the Doctor is more or less a good character to fuck things up, but just not here. Especially due to the fact that he pretty much takes the limelight. Along that, his presence suggests that these aren't mere stories which makes Ember's explanation variably false. Plus, there are instances in the blog where she recognizes stories which she's been in. If they are indeed stories, and she has access to them in her current life, then she must be in the normal world, right?
I feel as if consistency could be straighten out more. And... well... it's too late to do anything about the Doctor, but eh. People like the doctor. It's just me.
Overall: 8/10
Characters:
Ya know, I'm just gonna ignore the Doctor on this one you don't need to hear it!
Anyways, concerning Ember
Actually she's an interesting character that garters a good amount of attentions, conveys her feelings in the situations she gets in fairly well, and does show a good balance of strength and weaknesses. The supporting characters also are interesting and considerably help move the narrative forward.
Really, there's nothing much to say. Any character weakness is more or less a weakness in either the story or art. So good job!
Overall: 10/10
Accountability:
Updates are anywhere from 1 day to a few days, Mod blog well and active, and oh! Nurse Turner is active too! Not only do you manage Ember's blog well, but you're putting considerable effort into the other blog as well!Ā Much better than me.
Overall: 10/10
Overall Accomplishments:
As always, Answers are in bold, feed back are italicized.
Why did you make the blog in the first place?Ā
I made the blog because I wanted to tell Emberās story, and I had given up caring if my art was āgoodā or ābadā. I just wanted to get her story out of my mind.Ā Ironically your art did improve a lot. However, Form and Content are two halves of the same picture. Narratives can't get far without a proper vessel, so remember that as you continue to tell Ember's tale.
What were your intentions with the blog? Ā
Intentions? Well, I wanted to present an interesting and creative story that was unlike anything I had seen before.Ā Like momma used to say, "If ya want a story just the way you want it, ya got to write it yourself!" Or something on the lines of that.
What keeps you motivated for the blog?
I stay motivated by planning for the future story. Ā I get really excited about it, and I really want to tell it. So I gotta keep going. Ā I similarly keep my self motivated. I feel it works really well. If it's meditated and anticipated long enough, it writes itself. Of course, I got so wound up on the future that when I started slacking, my motivation completelyĀ unraveled. So yeah, don't do that.
What are you plans for the blog?Ā
Ā My plans? Well, I plan to keep going with her story until I can tell no more. Ā Wherever that takes me, I guess Iāll find out then. I mean, I have two general endings in plan, but Iāll have to see how everything falls into place before I decide on which one works best. Ā But I do not plan on stopping anytime soon.Ā Well having endings already planned out is good - even if there are multiple ones planned out. That's actually a good balance of letting the story flow and keeping it in line and balance towards a goal.Ā
So well done! You have yourself a good thing going on, and I would really love to see more if it wasn't for the doctor so I'll keep tracking it!
Nimbrostratus has been through a lot, but after everything she's still living an average life pursuing love interests and hobbies.
I have a little anecdote I'd to start out on in order to put in perspective. Now, I have this thing with country music. I know that it follows basic musical concepts, has substance in their lyrics, and has a distinct style which many people appreciate. Me, on the other hand, can't stand the stuff. I really don't like it. It's a personal preference, but it's a strong preference.
Same goes with blogs with pornographic/fetish content. I just really don't like it. Does it break some sort of basic, literary rule? Not really, but I just don't like it. So it's kind of hard to give this blog a good review due to its content.
Art Quality:
Ā Well one thing's for sure - Art Quality has greatly improved! The backgrounds are balanced, interesting, and pleasing. The characters are wonderfully shaded and perfectly... detailed... god damn it...
The major problem of pornographic content that it's usually unnecessary. Like in Game of Thrones and their fucking sex scenes. It doesn't prove anything and doesn't drive the story. Wieners flopping in your face like
WIENER WIENER, WIENER WIENER, WIENER WIENER,
WIIIIEEEENER, Soft! Nice and soft! Non-erect! Wiiieeeennneeer!
Back to the blog, I know it's cut down a bit, and I know it's intentional, but I personally just don't care for it.
However, there are some things that can be worked on. Like 3/4 profile faces.
The face is oblong and seems unnatural. Chests also seem to oblong and thick, and wings seem to be thinly attached to the the body at some points. This seems to be a problem during the sketching phase. Just make note that dimensions make sense and the anatomy... damn it... makes sense.
Overall Art Quality: 7/10
Story Structure:
With the exception of recent updates, the story has varied between weak and, not to be rude, silly. The starting concept was driven by an event that seems all too similar to a MacGuffin. It's put out to be important by the character, but it doesn't get a lot of attention, isn't explained very well, and ultimately is unimportant to the over all plot. Not only that, I just don't really care for it.
To those who are just diving into this, let me quickly explain: Nimby is a transgender pony. She fell in love with another mare, and for some reason decided that a sex change would be optimal. But the spell was botched resulting in her having a dick, and it's somehow permanent. The very idea screams "Fetish Fuel" and can't be taken seriously. Every story after that doesn't really deal with it, and even if they did it'd kinda be... cheesy. However, the stories are more of "plot vouchers," or they're there to have some sort of narrative but offer little significance. Filler episodes have you.
Yet again, it just may be that I don't really care for it. I don't really know. To me, it just doesn't seem interesting.
Overall Story Structure: 5/10
Characters:
Unfortunately, the characters do suffer since the plot devices are so poor. When going through the blog, I don't really care for Nimby. Nothing drives me to care, and she doesn't have a grounded personality. Her objectives are variably skewed, and she seems over dramatic in reactions. And everyone else is bland.Ā
Overall characters: 3/10
Accountability:
Well one thing's for sure: Nimby's blog is more accountable than this one :/ . The mod said the blog was going to be revived when it was submitted. That was a long while ago. Since then, the blog has been updated about once or twice a week which is really good.
The problem is that the mod doesn't have a modblog. So I have no idea who the mod actually is. A modblog would be great.
Overall: 7/10
Overall Accomplishment:
1.) Why did you make the blog in the first place?
I made Nimbyās World primarily for myself. Iām pursuing a degree in illustration, and would love to one day work in the comic and cartoon industries. I felt starting a tumblr of my own would be a great way to try and work on that in my spare time outside of my classes and homework.Ā Well the way you improved definitely shows that you're almost ready to start a career in cartooning. It's almost there - just a little more.
2.) What were your intentions with the blog?
The original concept pretty much started as fetish fuel. After I came across Stories From the Front, I wanted to try and do something similar where I would try an NSFW tumblr that put emphasis on characters and stories rather than straight up smut. As of today, my intention is to continue as an NSFW tumblr with emphasis on characters and stories. Well the fetish fuel is obvious. However, I don't feel the emphasis on characters and stories comes across the right way. The NSFW aspect kinda ruins it. But at least it isn't smut... yep... probably gonna get some hate for that too...
3.) What keeps you motivated for the blog?
The one thing that keeps me motivated is knowing that people actually enjoy what I pour a lot of effort into. When I started Nimbyās World, I didnāt think Iād get anybodyās attention, but the fact that I have people telling me they enjoy it, and even encourage me to keep going, fuels my drive to keep going.Ā OKAY I DON'T WANT THIS REVIEW TO GIVE THE WRONG IMPRESSION. One thing that's clear is that people really do enjoy your blog. They do, and that's awesome! So that's really cool that people motivate you like that. Keep it up!
4.) What are you plans for the blog?
Well, Iām going to keep on trucking, and I am hoping to keep update styles a bit more consistent, as opposed to jumping between multiple styles of story telling. Seriously, jumping from comic to asks is probably not one of my better ideas. Also, any advice Iām given from here, I will surely take into consideration. Iām always open to advice and critiques, because it helps me grow, and it makes Nimbyās World a better experience. Oh, and expect a new major character in a matter of time!Ā [Loud humming intensifies] To be honest, I can't and shouldn't think of anything to add. But I would advice to additions of major characters. It can be really good, it can be really poor, but the problem is that you already have characters that need work. Work with characters you have at first until they are mostly satisfied, then you could add another character.
You know, ultimately you should understand that this kind of thing isn't my cup of tea. I can't accurately tell you what could be improved no more than what I could tell a Country singer to play. It just can't be done. Ah well.
It's a shark. That talks. And answers your questions. What more could you want? A bear?Ā
I've decided to change how I review blogs. No more final score. I realize that it doesn't give off the right message. I'll still give a 10 score system for Arts, Stories, Characters, and Accountabilities, but not Overall Accomplishment. The final score thing simply doesn't convey the success or accomplishments of a blog but rather gives a sense of pressure and pushes down artists. Just like the public school system.Ā Oh no he didn't!Ā Oh yes he did!
Art Quality:
Do you know the beauty of having simple cartoons? It's so far from realistic that it's perfect. The pictures display events perfectly, bodies make sense, and colors are good. I can't say it's impressive by any means, but I can't say there is anything inherently wrong with it either. The only thing I can say is that sometimes outlines are sloppy. That's basically it. Keep up the good work!
Overall: 7/10
Story Structure:
The blog has no story. No score.
HOWEVER, I can say a few things about this subject.
The blog has no premise. That is to say, it's kind of just there. The audience doesn't even know where it's taking place - it can't be assumed that the shark is in the o'chin. It's almost as if it's a comic in the funny section of the Newspaper.Ā
This isn't to say that it's not bad. In fact, having a comedic blog would require such an environment. But you still have to ask yourself; are you running off a gag, culture, or its own world? A gag would be something like - using an example I would think you get - Molestia. It's a short term joke on a popular character which can be funny, but only for so long because it can't evolve. It could be based on culture like Family Guy or possibly South Park. This has more potential to last longer, but it also means your world must strictly reflect the real world. Plus, it's only as interesting as the culture itself. Finally, it can be based on its own world like any sort of Fantasy icon you can think of. Now it can last as long as you can put imagination to it and have a chance to be extremely enthralling, but the jokes if they aren't allusions are all internal which restricts a vast audience. However, there's an alternative to its own world - it could be the weirdest possible world you can think of for the sake of it being a joke. There was this old anime called Bobobo-Bobo-Bobobobo, and that was a weird fuckin show. It of course had its own world, but it was so left field that one could simply watch any episode from any point and it'd still be funny.
Of course there are exceptions to all of those. Just take those into consideration if you ever decide to put some sort of story onto it.Ā
No score
Characters:
There isn't a lot to say about your shark, but that isn't necessarily a good thing. For instance, the shark from what I can tell doesn't even have a name. It seems to only exist as a gag, which in a sense it pretty weak. It only exists for the sole purpose of being laughed at, but a stooge is only funny for so long.
However, I can see there's not much to work with either. After all, it is a shark... I'm not sure if you even want to give any depth whatsoever. It's a shark. What more could I possibly want? right? The only thing I could give ya is give him some more concrete personality traits and likes. It gives you more things to play with when making jokes. Have him be a super jock but a total klutz or something. I don't know. He's your shark.
Overall: 6/10
Accountability:
Wait, how long ago did he update?
...Okay?
So I can only assume you update VERY frequently. That's good!
However, your mod blogĀ is... well... dead. Your deviantart isn't looking to hot either.
It's good that you produce a lot of product, but I'm not sure if you talk to your audience enough. Or, at least, give an easy access for communication.
Overall: 7/10
Overall Accomplishment:
(Answers edited for better grammar)
1.) Why did you make the blog in the first place?
My main character is a shark because it is by far my favorite animal, and I found it kind of original.
Original it was. I mean, what more reason do you need than to draw a shark? Right? SHARKS!
2.) What were your intentions with the blog?
I thought about a funny blog with bad jokes and whatever else to make ppl smile - where they can forget their problems. Also I wanted to practice my art.
Mission accomplished.
3.) What keeps you motivated for the blog?
The nice questions I get. And sometimes I can forget school, homework, and work with this shark . It give me a break.
Oh good! Good to hear the blog doubles as a catharsis for you AND entertains people. This means we'll see more, no?
4.) What are you plans for the blog?
Iām planning to do a story for him and telling ppl about his past with ā¦more seriousness, and continuing to answer questions. That's all for the moment.
Well like I said before, think about what you want from the blog and think about how you want to structure the blog. Take in mind how serious you can actually get with... well.. as shark. But at any rate, good luck with that!
Over all, I'd say the blog's doing juuuuuuuuuust fiiiiiiiiiine. You get...
cheese! Congratulations! And the best of luck with ya!
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Do you know a way to make the "read from the beginning" page on blogs?
Going to make this public because this is good info.
First off, what you need to do is decide what kind of tags you want to put which will designate what kinds of post you make
For instance, you might just want to tag your stuff with "story." Personally, I have many stories lined up, so I have a specific word to which I tag my posts.
Now go to your blog and click on the customize button which I believe will always be in the top right hand corner. Once there, click on "add a page"
It'll give you a few options, but what you'll probably want is the "Redirect"
Now here's the critical part:
On the first line, you can use anything you want - this will be the name of your button that will appear on your blog.
On the second line is the critical part. You want to put your blog's URL (yourblog.tumblr.com), forward slash "Tagged", forward slash whatever tag you're using like "story", and then forward slash "chrono". It should look like:
yourblog.tumblr.com/tagged/story/chrono
^ and whenever you need to link it because of whatever, just use that format. /tagged/[the tag]/chrono
Lola is a simple Pegasus with simple ambitions - like never touching the ground ever again. Luckily having a fear of the ground doesn't inhibit her ability to do her job and hang with friends, right?
You know that last post? The one before this review? I still feel bad for it. But maybe you could already tell that it's relevant to this blog... In reality, it's relevant to any blog that doesn't tag their stuff and has 10+ pages of stuff to go through. Now, my bias is that if I can't easily read what's going on, I'm not putting significant effort into finding out what's going on. There's a reason for this - as a writer, one should want their work to be easily accessible for their audience. Writers and artists need organization and order for their work or their work suffers. Simple as that.
Art Quality:
"HURRR IT ISN'T CLOSE TO BEING AS GUD AS CLOCKWISE HOOVES"
:P You know, I'm not a huge fan of the overly simplistic cartoon styles, but it does make it easier to decipher any significant mistakes or advancements. And, for the most part, the bodies does make sense.
Ā The illustrations present the emotions very well. The colors are all "warm" colors and don't conflict. And most every body part is where it's supposed to be... most.
I got a really big problem with the wings
First off, they are too low. They look like a really weird skirt when she's standing up.
I know Pegasi don't exist, but what we can do is make sense of how wings could possible work. Wings are almost exactly like arms (you are now aware Pegasi have three pairs of limbs). They would then make sense if they existed just below the typical shoulder blades of the fore hooves. Your wings tend to be around the middle section or the small of the back, and that just doesn't look right.
Another thing I don't like about them is that they are just obviously poorly done. They look like scribbles when extended. Actually, more accurately they look like
TL;DR wings need work
Over all: 8/10
Story Structure:
You know, I actually thought that this blog wasn't a story blog.Ā Blogs that aren't story blogs or have significant stories won't be graded on story. But according to the blog's description and moderator, there is indeed story behind it... so...
I know I've been harping on this, but this is important and it goes for everyone -Ā have a story button. Make the blog navigable. If the blog is nothing but story, it can get away with it. But with as much clutter as this blog as, it's impossible to read.
But I did dig around... and I didn't find much. First off, the exposition is lacking. I don't get to know Lola very well, and there's not much about her backstory that has been continuously referenced. Second, there are two other characters, Wind Chaser and Night Gazer, that haven't had any real introduction or significance towards Lola. I would also say they haven't contributed to the rising action or plot, but I'm not finding any of those either. There's no real conflict, no established setting, and the "normal world" seems to change often.
...I'm sorry, but I don't think there's any real fix to this. Right now, it seems like a conglomeration of idle ideas that don't contribute to anything. My advice? A restart. Or, at least, make another exposition. Once you do, follow some logical train of thought that leads to some sort of climax.Ā
Now, I do understand that you actually have a graphic novel for Lola (found here), but since it's not on the blog (nor can it be found on the blog... or is it even easily found on your deviantArt), I'll critique this as a separate entity.
This side story is actually fairly good, but I feel it's only real flaw related back to the exposition of the actual blog. The story starts out as if you assume that I know Night Gaze and Wind Chaser - or even Lola for that matter. It also begs a lot of questions: How did Chaser stretch is wing? Is that significant? How did he score a job like that? Why did he have to go past this forest that no one ever returns from - And why would he be going through there if that were true? If he can fly, why not just fly and not take the train? What was the package? Why is Night Gazer there? Oh wait, she's his sister, okay. But we then learn that the package, delivery, and the nature of Chaser's job (actual and the current) and injury are MacGuffans - as in they are-
"aĀ plot deviceĀ in the form of some goal, desired object, or other motivator that theĀ protagonistĀ pursues, often with little or noĀ narrativeĀ explanation as to why it is considered so important. The specific nature of a MacGuffin is typically unimportant to the overall plot.Ā
The real danger comes from the poorly described, cheesy forest. Even though we are led to believe there's some significance with the delivery, we know that the forest is obviously a threat. At least it's described to be dangerous - had she been knocked out cold at the end without any mention of the forest would have been terrible. But there's no explainable reason why Chaser believes the forest to be dangerous, and its threat is only described as just that - a threat. "Watch out for the threat because it is a threat." Okay, that's over exaggerating, but "no one has ever returned from," is equally as cheesy. But in the end, the conflict is acceptable, it's suspenseful, and does leave the reader wondering "what the fuck happens next?!?!one!"
Overall: 1/10
Characters:
Even thought the main character is expressive, silly, and strangely afraid of the ground, I find her very bland. All of her actions don't seem natural. In fact, they seem forced. What appears to happen is that Lola acts a certain way because the writer wanted her to act that way. I know that may seem write (puns :P), but as a writer you need to have theĀ characterĀ react the way he/she would based on her set personality. As of now, it seems like she's a rehearsed mechanism based off the Frigid Drift crowd without much to show for. She doesn't have any clear objectives, and her interactions with other characters are frankly lacking.
And this is not to mention the other two characters in the references page that hardly ever make an appearance. I'm not even sure what to make of that.
Finally there's this discorded thing that's going on
This goes to show the lack of a distinctive personality that Lola has because her discorded self just seems to be a bit more rude and greyish. There's not much dichotomy going on - a discorded state is having the character's distinct dynamic trait being flipped. I.E. AppleJack became a liar, Rarity was greedy, Pinkie Pie hated other's laughter, Rainbow Dash became disloyal, yadayadayada. To top it all off, there doesn't seem to be a reason for the discorded state! Some posts she's discorded, some she isn't, and there isn't any reason for it.
Overall: 4/10
Accountability:
Look, I really am not that guy that harps on an artist for not drawing every single day. To be honest, I'm more than happy for an update every two weeks. But there's just a slight problem with waiting for updates on this blog - there's a lot of clutter or white noise in proportion to actual updates. From the last two months, there have only been 4 - arguably 6 relevant updates to the blog. Those debatable two are simple text posts that concern the "normal world" but can also be seen as white noise.Ā
In the past, there seems to be off and on periods of considerable amounts of updates and then nothing. There are also periods of stuff that I'm not even sure relate to anything...
But hey, the mod blogĀ is more than active, and the artist communicates a lot with the fan base which is fantastic to see.
Overall: 7/10
Overall Accomplishment:
Alright, just like last time. I'm going to copy and paste my little questionaire for the moderator and offer a response.
Why did you make the blog in the first place?
"To be honest, I made this blog to follow other blogs. But then I got tons of followers and it was really fun to draw Lola..."Ā That's actually interesting. The blog got its identity simply because people started following it. And it's cool to hear you partly made it for them. And I don't think I or anyone can judge making a blog just to follow other blogs - I made mine because I was bored in a library.
What were your intentions for the blog?
... Since your response was a little disorganized, I'll assume the intention was to tell the story of Lola. That's what pains me about this, though. Your entire goal was to tell the story of Lola, and I didn't get that at all. You did draw a story thing, but it's a long, drawn out comic that's not even on the blog. And ultimately, I haven't learned much about Lola. I hate to say you've just out and out failed in this goal, but it definitely could have been done better.
What keeps you motivated?
... Again, going to generalize "telling the story of Lola and finishing it." Can't argue with this - I really wanna know what happened to Lola
What are your plans for the blog?
...Ā okay this time it's not because the answer was drawn out. There's a specific plan, but I felt it was going to be spoilers. All I can say is thatĀ your followers need to start asking actual questions >:(Ā
Overall: 8/10
FINAL SCORE: 28/50
I'm sorry, I really am. This is by no means trying to slash your stuff. People really like your blog! And you know what? I like it too! It's just needs a bit of work... a lot of work...
You know what I'd do? Save the art work in some other file or blog and wipe the blog clean. Start off with that story you have on DeviantArt and make it compatible with Tumblr (separate it into multiple slides so that they can be easily read on a Tumblr post). Or clearly tell the story within flashback that's easily followable. That's my honest opinion. There's just way too much stuff on the blog that don't contribute to anything.
Word to the wise: tags are great. They are very very great. They'll help you get popularĀ and more importantlyĀ make your blog much more accessible thus allowing the blog to be more cluttered. Don't allow the blog to be too cluttered though.
What you wanna do is have a specific tag for specific aspects for the blog like answered asks, rp sessions, story lines, etc. Because if I have to sift through months worth of cluttered posts that don't seem to have rhyme or reason, I get irritated. It's a horrible horrible bias, I know, but I got the attention span of about 20 secs, and unless I fine some sort of followable order my eyes glaze over.Ā
So for now on, clutter will count towards Story Structure since it affects how the story is perceived. If the blog is too cluttered or lacks tags, I'm marking it down - I'm not going to try to organize or interpret the blog for you.
PS: I am a dick and I apologize, but my decision still stands.
"I'm a lecturer in History and Philosophy at Equestria's most prestigious University. Why in Eris' name do I need a tumblr?"
Oi! Smirk! Your recent story updates were untagged. Just thought I'd point that out. Anyways ~
Art Quality:
I feel this section is going to be mostly tongue tied because I know something is wrong, but I'm not experienced or learned enough to express what it is.
Just to clarify, the art is good. If someone didn't think it was impressive, they'd be lying. However, I think that the fact that it's good creates it's own problem. "Wuht?" you might ask. Well, I mean this is in the most polite way possible, but the art ventures into "The Uncanny Valley."
Simply put, it's when some item, object, or even artificially person reaches a certain point of likeness to an actual person, but it's still not perfect. The result is something that's close to real, but its flaws become more noticeable. Much like the game L.A. Noir where the faces were extremely realistic but the bodies were less. This caused the characters to be more or less creepy due to the illusion of real heads on puppet bodies.
You see, your shading, hair, and eyes are top notch. However, perspective and outlines are... lacking. It seems like, if I can describe this well enough, the base of the face is a flat, full profile. However, the snout goes off as if it was a 1/2 profile as well as the ears. Another thing that adds to that uncanny valley is that more often than not, your ponies tend to have... long faces *snicker* Nononono, but seriously, the faces are too vertically long. Remember, ponies aren't human. That isn't to say add defination to the chin and brow - if anything I would encourage it as it makes for better expressioning. However, I wouldn't extend the head to make it more human. Ponies are made of rainbows, sugar, and more importantly circles. Keep the face as circular as possible. I would suggest
(I've been waiting to use this gif for a long time)
Overall: 7/10
Story Structure:
If anyone has the time to go through the bits of story on the blog, do it.
The blog has very clear progression and sets up for really good conflict. I think this has something to do with the simple yet clever premise. It might just be me, but I really do like the college professor stumbling across conspiracies. It sets itself up to be a smart story - something that challenges perceptions and makes sense of the otherwise silly nature of Equestria. However, setting and continuity could use some work. Just some.
For instance, most of the story takes place in the same, cramped, dark office.Ā Up until recent updates, there weren't many intervals outside that office, and not much was happening within. But when we were out of there, we were in some other place with the same color scheme. Now, ignoring the fact that in recent updates we are in a completely new setting - which is good - the fix to being in the same setting is relatively simple. It goes to live action plays where transitioning settings was near impossible - something that I had to do when directing my own play in college. I had to put on a full hour play within a single apartment (The play was "Underpants" if anyone was curious - Yes, it's a real play). The trick was to make the setting interesting. We used all the space given to its fullest extent. Paintings, doors, a kitchen, and more importantly we shifted the focus of the audience by having the actors be in different parts of the stage. You have an office - use it. Put it cabinets, bookshelves, paintings. The great thing about it is that you only need to draw them once, right?
The other thing was continuity. Now, again, I don't mean the story saying one thing before and another thing now. It means that the story makes sense within the context of the setting: the setting being Equestria. It's important to remember that Equestria isn't related to the real world. Yes, I know that Hasbro likes to put in modern technology that's made for humans in the MLP franchise, but does that really make sense? It doesn't. Now, some tools, appliance, and toys are going to be similar or identical to stuff we have because it's simple and it wouldn't really work if made in any other way like pipes, ovens, pots, bowls, smoking pipes, cigars, toy blocks - stuff like that. Things like forks, knives, doorknobs, gloves, and shoes are questionable since they were made for human use. However, things that simply can't happen are trademarks, brands, and popular icons.
Like this. They're a bunch of conspiracy symbols which given the story makes sense at first. But thinking about it on a broader scale reveals that there is no way for these symbols to even exist. The groups that are represented can't be in Equestria since they only arose out of our specific history. There can't be Templars, Masons, Lodges, Christians, Muslims, Catholics - if it's a named, iconic group of any kind, they can't exist. Can you give subtle references to them? Sure, but it can't be direct. Enough to give a Har Har but not enough to state it being canon. And if there is some major iconic group in Equestria that's in some other "universe," it needs to be explained.
Overall: 8/10
Characters
Prof Smirk isn't anything new, but he's definitely not bad in the slightest. In fact, he's quite lovable - or admirable. Anything that needs to be said about him, however, can be found in any other character type of his nature - the hardboiled detective. But again, it's not bad at all. They're relatable, snarky, and just all together fun to watch. Though, if you want, you could take a look at that page and say, "These characters typically do this, so let's NOT do it." Just make sure not to ruin the given character.
Now, given that you're doing a good job, I think it's time to do even a better job. You've got good, distinct characters. Now give them objectives. Have them want something - something specific if they're main characters. Once that's in place, have them work off each other. When Smirk is interacting with another character, have him make the other charactersĀ feel something in order to get what he wants. Trust me, when you have this in the back of the mind you'll be able to write more powerful scenes.
Overall: 9/10
Accountability:
For the actual updates, it takes about a week for them to come around. That's completely fine. The updates have plenty of content, and I would guess it takes time to come up with them. The blog has some clutter, but not too much to ruin the flow. However, the mod blog seems a bit quiet. I don't know if people don't go there often enough to strike conversation, but it's too quiet. There's only about one reblog everyday which is enough to show you're alive, but I don't know if you're communicating with your follower base enough. Follower base, as harsh as this may sound, aren't just your close friends or other blogs you like. Not accusing you - I don't even know if you are or not - just saying. Beeeeeee open.
Overall: 9/10
Overall Accomplishment:
I'm going to be changing the format of this a bit. What I'm going to do is ask this set of questions for people, copy paste their answers, and add a rebuttal. SO.Ā
Why did you make the blog in the first place?Ā
"Hmmā¦ I made the blog because it seemed like a good way of actually teaching myself art and storytelling, while giving me a solid means of motivating myself and measuring progress. Up until July of last year I didnāt do any art or writing at all, and Iāve only been putting significant effort into it since starting the ask blog." Well that's good to hear! I really do like it when people practice something that keeps them motivated. So long as you keep yourself motivated, you're doing great.
What were your intentions with the blog?
"My intentions with the blog started quite simply; I wanted to basically put across my ācounterpointā to MLP:FiM, as I love the show, but didnāt see how an argumentative and opinionated sod like me would fit in to that world. From thatā¦ well it kind ofĀ spiraledĀ out of control. I now have a story planned out from start to finish, and my main goal is to finish it Ā (which looks like it will take me a couple of years) and actually develop my small cast of characters. I still like to occasionally use the blog to put across my own rather warped ideology though. :D"Ā We're on the same plane with the counterpoint. I really like when it when people challenge a show's given perspective on the unknown or one dimensional stereotype. I'm looking forward to seeing it finished.
What keeps you motivated for the blog?
"My motivation is twofold: fun and progress. I have an obscene amount of fun working on updates, and I can compare posts separated by days and always see some area where Iāve improved. I know Iām not brilliant at this, but Iāve got a hell of a lot better, and I aim to continue doing so."Ā That's good, but keep in mind of the audience. I believe having your audience as a motivator will help as well. They're the ones giving you feedback and basically giving your work meaning. But also keep things fun. Why do something that's not fun for free?Ā
Ā What are you plans for the blog?
"Plans for the blogā¦. hmmmā¦ how to put this without giving out spoilersā¦ Well, the story as a whole is going to be about Smirk breaking out of the rut heās stuck in. I think Iāve made it clear that heās not particularly happy with who he is and what he does, but he lacks the motivation to do anything about it. Heās going to find that motivation through various avenues, both from within and from without. I have no intention of making it easy for him; he will not succeed at everything, and there are a couple of points I have planned that will come damn close to breaking him. All in all, itās a pretty small scale story, but Iām going to link it in with a lot of big stuff too, if that makes any sense.
I also plan on continuing to refine the standard of my work and the techniques used, and by the end of the story I plan on having gained the skills to produce a graphic novel. I also plan on finding the golden mean for cryptic foreshadowing. Right now it feels like every time I try to hint at something people either get it straight away or have no clue that Iām even trying :P"Ā Hell yeah! But remember what I said about objectives. Give him something he wants to accomplish. Also challenge the perceptions of your audience with MLP. You've set yourself up for a really smart, Film Noir style story. Good luck!
Overall: 10/10
Final Score: 43/50
I really do like the blog, Smirk! You've got yourself a top notch blog! Really looking forward for some cool things! The only thing I would really concern myself over is the art. Keep the head circular more than anything and work on perspectives. It'll look so much better if you do!
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"Stories from the Front chronicles the recreational releases of Stormfront the Pegasus, who's job it is to trek the long haul between Cloudsdale and Ponyville and all the provinces in between to ensure that all the weather teams are receiving the weather they've asked for. Its a big job, but some pony's got to do it, and it still leaves time for a few friendly romps between lengthy, lonely flights."
Uuuugghhhh my head hurts. I can't quite articulate everything I might want to say or give some really in-depth insights. So I'll gonna get through this fast while blasting the grungiest, hardest rock I have on my iTunes playlist. FOR I AM STRICKEN AND CAN'T LET YOU GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Art Quality:
Let me just start off by sayingĀ You are doing an excellent job. The bodies make sense, the details are beautiful, backgrounds more or less fit in nicely, and the characters are over all pleasant to look out. But I do have a few grievances.
First, be careful of this
I know we're in the land of Technicolor ponies, but truth is that you don't want a broad variety of different and conflictingĀ colors. But don't get me wrong, you do want to use colors.
[Somewhere, Aphex is clapping] Here's what I mean. In that picture sample I posted, at a glance all I could see were those bright, monogram colors presented in that middle circle. You have to be careful of that because a few things may happen. They could be primary colors that conflict thus making the canvas appear white and way too bright. They could be secondary colors thus making the canvas appear way too dark. They could also have conflicting meanings like mixing cool colors with warm colors. With good practice, one could expertly combine the two in a picture, but typically you don't want to do that on one character. I'm only saying this because I feel you might have a tendency to do it. It could be my aching head, but I'm not finding any blatant examples of this on the blog.
Second off, cool it with the NSFW, homes.Ā
And no, this isn't based on the fact that I don't like NSFW stuff in general. But as a story teller, you want to make sure you're displaying information that's strictly necessary to the story in the pictures - then you want decent support for that information that still contributes to the story. As far as NSFW goes (harsh gore and pornography), it detracts from the story. It's like this.
Stuff like extreme gore, pornography, and even images within the uncanny valley (we'll get to that later) immediately demand attention from a viewer because they are disturbing. Stuff like these are mostly considered in a bad light, and since they are the most prominent part of the art piece, the entire art piece will be considered poorly. And since these things already have attributed meanings to it, whatever meaning you were trying to originally convey is lost. The audience will ultimately react like
So yeah...
Overall: 8/10
Story Structure:
Alright, I gotta be honest. When I first opened up your blog, I was immediately lost.
There seemed to be some sort of story on the main blog, but the sfw blog was on an entirely different subject, and then there were 4 other stories that seemed irrelevant or unfinished. You know how animes tend to be based off a manga and catch up to it so they have to diverge into an entirely different story? Yeah, don't do that. A good story is a concise story that continually engages an audience and yet is open enough for new readers to join in.
However, I did manage to find the first post and read on from then. Suffice to say, it was a good exposition. We immediately know who the main character is, what she's doing, and the world she lives in. For a while, the story made sense - it didn't to be heading to for any sort of conflict, but it was clear and enjoying. Then the conflict started, but it started way too abruptly. At one point, Stormfront is in Las Pegasus, and the next post she's suddenly in some marsh watching some odd unicorn fight Princess Luna. Then Stormfront walks up to Luna and they know each other.
Here's a little warning for all writers out there:Ā Changes and insertions to canon are dangerous, changes and insertions to canon are dangerous, changes and insertions to canon are dangerous. Whenever you are making some assumption about canon, make in such a way that you can get away with it. Something like, "Princess Celestia wears socks when no one is looking." Something like this can be said because it can't be proven.
But you know, I like the idea of the new species of ponies "Moon Ponies," but it seems to change Prince Luna's character - in fact it take a very bold assumption on the nature of the whole betrayal and 1000 year dungeon sentence to the moon thing that I don't really like. Then the story got fairly dramatic really fast only to find something even bigger laying past the climax. It actually reminded me a lot of Dragon Ball Z - it got way too dramatic with even more outrageous powers following each other so much so that I simply lost interest.Ā
Though, my biggest grievance goes back to the first point. The story isn't very concise, and given the chosen method of narration this is a big problem. The diary thing is really cool, don't get me wrong, but god damn it's a long read. Even though I'm not a huge reader, I did make it through that long ass fan fic way back when... oh what was it... Growing Pains! That's right. That was a long fan fiction that took really bold assumptions of canon that were later proven false, but it remained interesting. The antagonists were established early on, and the powers of characters were pre-established and didn't get above a certain level.
Overall: 7/10
Characters:
Eh, not a lot to say. I'm too tired to list out all the things done right - I have it written here anyways. Though, I didn't go through all the blog, but it seems like a lot of characters have been created, but yet again they might be other blogs? I don't know - just remember not to make too many characters.
Overall: 10/10
Accountability:
You're doing excellent. Updates come at reasonable times, mod blog is nice and active. I didn't even notice any big hiatuses! That's impressive. No, it's okay to have a hiatus. I'm just sayin...
Overall: 10/10
Overall Accomplishment:
Well I'm way too impatient to wait for a reply - I'm about to fall asleep and I don't want to come back to this.Ā
10/10Ā
whatever
Final Score: 45/50
Good on ya, mate! Though, I strongly suggest to make the blog more approachable and readable. It really was a headache to navigate through the proper stories. I think that's about it... alright I'm going to sleep.
Most of us who run or have run an ask blog actively encourage people to ask a question. Some of us don't care what weird comment gets dropped in, and others specifically want questions that concern the story. However, it seems hardly anyone has considered who we're getting questions from. Yes, we're getting them from Tumblr users, but who are they in the story? Given he context of the world, they appear as mystical little bubbles that the characters just accept their existence. But we forget that people who send in asks are actual characters in the story. They are there to steer the story and define elements within the plot. So it's only fair that they get some sort of identity or reason of being, right?
For instance, in my blog Ask-LordSheogorath, the askers are undefined followers of The Daedric Prince of madness most likely from Nirn or the Shivering Isles. Their existence lies with a crystal ball, a made up Daedric Artifact, that is telepathically linked to Sheogorath. Only he can hear the asks. Given his character, it would make sense that he would hear voices in his head. Another example is the blog I'm-not-pinkiepie where the asks come from a journal. When someone reads the journal, the asks are brought into existence. Though their physical form is unexplained, it plays a comedic role as they bother the main characters. Even in the popular blog Discorded Whooves, the asks are explained through the TARDIS which telepathically communicates with the main character. No one else hears or sees the asks, but the Doctor does.
What do you guys think? Is it too much to ask for more minute details such as the background for asks, or do you think it's fair that these pivotal plot devices get an explanation?
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