#structured criticisms

You know that last post? The one before this review? I still feel bad for it. But maybe you could already tell that it's relevant to this blog... In reality, it's relevant to any blog that doesn't tag their stuff and has 10+ pages of stuff to go through. Now, my bias is that if I can't easily read what's going on, I'm not putting significant effort into finding out what's going on. There's a reason for this - as a writer, one should want their work to be easily accessible for their audience. Writers and artists need organization and order for their work or their work suffers. Simple as that.

Art Quality:

"HURRR IT ISN'T CLOSE TO BEING AS GUD AS CLOCKWISE HOOVES"

:P You know, I'm not a huge fan of the overly simplistic cartoon styles, but it does make it easier to decipher any significant mistakes or advancements. And, for the most part, the bodies does make sense.

 The illustrations present the emotions very well. The colors are all "warm" colors and don't conflict. And most every body part is where it's supposed to be... most.

I got a really big problem with the wings

First off, they are too low. They look like a really weird skirt when she's standing up.

I know Pegasi don't exist, but what we can do is make sense of how wings could possible work. Wings are almost exactly like arms (you are now aware Pegasi have three pairs of limbs). They would then make sense if they existed just below the typical shoulder blades of the fore hooves. Your wings tend to be around the middle section or the small of the back, and that just doesn't look right.

Another thing I don't like about them is that they are just obviously poorly done. They look like scribbles when extended. Actually, more accurately they look like

TL;DR wings need work

Over all: 8/10

Story Structure:

You know, I actually thought that this blog wasn't a story blog. Blogs that aren't story blogs or have significant stories won't be graded on story. But according to the blog's description and moderator, there is indeed story behind it... so...

I know I've been harping on this, but this is important and it goes for everyone - have a story button. Make the blog navigable. If the blog is nothing but story, it can get away with it. But with as much clutter as this blog as, it's impossible to read.

But I did dig around... and I didn't find much. First off, the exposition is lacking. I don't get to know Lola very well, and there's not much about her backstory that has been continuously referenced. Second, there are two other characters, Wind Chaser and Night Gazer, that haven't had any real introduction or significance towards Lola. I would also say they haven't contributed to the rising action or plot, but I'm not finding any of those either. There's no real conflict, no established setting, and the "normal world" seems to change often.

...I'm sorry, but I don't think there's any real fix to this. Right now, it seems like a conglomeration of idle ideas that don't contribute to anything. My advice? A restart. Or, at least, make another exposition. Once you do, follow some logical train of thought that leads to some sort of climax. 

Now, I do understand that you actually have a graphic novel for Lola (found here), but since it's not on the blog (nor can it be found on the blog... or is it even easily found on your deviantArt), I'll critique this as a separate entity.

This side story is actually fairly good, but I feel it's only real flaw related back to the exposition of the actual blog. The story starts out as if you assume that I know Night Gaze and Wind Chaser - or even Lola for that matter. It also begs a lot of questions: How did Chaser stretch is wing? Is that significant? How did he score a job like that? Why did he have to go past this forest that no one ever returns from - And why would he be going through there if that were true? If he can fly, why not just fly and not take the train? What was the package? Why is Night Gazer there? Oh wait, she's his sister, okay. But we then learn that the package, delivery, and the nature of Chaser's job (actual and the current) and injury are MacGuffans - as in they are-

"a plot device in the form of some goal, desired object, or other motivator that the protagonist pursues, often with little or no narrative explanation as to why it is considered so important. The specific nature of a MacGuffin is typically unimportant to the overall plot. 

The real danger comes from the poorly described, cheesy forest. Even though we are led to believe there's some significance with the delivery, we know that the forest is obviously a threat. At least it's described to be dangerous - had she been knocked out cold at the end without any mention of the forest would have been terrible. But there's no explainable reason why Chaser believes the forest to be dangerous, and its threat is only described as just that - a threat. "Watch out for the threat because it is a threat." Okay, that's over exaggerating, but "no one has ever returned from," is equally as cheesy. But in the end, the conflict is acceptable, it's suspenseful, and does leave the reader wondering "what the fuck happens next?!?!one!"

Overall: 1/10

Characters:

Even thought the main character is expressive, silly, and strangely afraid of the ground, I find her very bland. All of her actions don't seem natural. In fact, they seem forced. What appears to happen is that Lola acts a certain way because the writer wanted her to act that way. I know that may seem write (puns :P), but as a writer you need to have the character react the way he/she would based on her set personality. As of now, it seems like she's a rehearsed mechanism based off the Frigid Drift crowd without much to show for. She doesn't have any clear objectives, and her interactions with other characters are frankly lacking.

And this is not to mention the other two characters in the references page that hardly ever make an appearance. I'm not even sure what to make of that.

Finally there's this discorded thing that's going on

This goes to show the lack of a distinctive personality that Lola has because her discorded self just seems to be a bit more rude and greyish. There's not much dichotomy going on - a discorded state is having the character's distinct dynamic trait being flipped. I.E. AppleJack became a liar, Rarity was greedy, Pinkie Pie hated other's laughter, Rainbow Dash became disloyal, yadayadayada. To top it all off, there doesn't seem to be a reason for the discorded state! Some posts she's discorded, some she isn't, and there isn't any reason for it.

Overall: 4/10

Accountability:

Look, I really am not that guy that harps on an artist for not drawing every single day. To be honest, I'm more than happy for an update every two weeks. But there's just a slight problem with waiting for updates on this blog - there's a lot of clutter or white noise in proportion to actual updates. From the last two months, there have only been 4 - arguably 6 relevant updates to the blog. Those debatable two are simple text posts that concern the "normal world" but can also be seen as white noise. 

In the past, there seems to be off and on periods of considerable amounts of updates and then nothing. There are also periods of stuff that I'm not even sure relate to anything...

But hey, the mod blog is more than active, and the artist communicates a lot with the fan base which is fantastic to see.

Overall: 7/10

Overall Accomplishment:

Alright, just like last time. I'm going to copy and paste my little questionaire for the moderator and offer a response.

Why did you make the blog in the first place?

"To be honest, I made this blog to follow other blogs. But then I got tons of followers and it was really fun to draw Lola..." That's actually interesting. The blog got its identity simply because people started following it. And it's cool to hear you partly made it for them. And I don't think I or anyone can judge making a blog just to follow other blogs - I made mine because I was bored in a library.

What were your intentions for the blog?

... Since your response was a little disorganized, I'll assume the intention was to tell the story of Lola. That's what pains me about this, though. Your entire goal was to tell the story of Lola, and I didn't get that at all. You did draw a story thing, but it's a long, drawn out comic that's not even on the blog. And ultimately, I haven't learned much about Lola. I hate to say you've just out and out failed in this goal, but it definitely could have been done better.

What keeps you motivated?

... Again, going to generalize "telling the story of Lola and finishing it." Can't argue with this - I really wanna know what happened to Lola

What are your plans for the blog?

... okay this time it's not because the answer was drawn out. There's a specific plan, but I felt it was going to be spoilers. All I can say is that your followers need to start asking actual questions >:( 

Overall: 8/10

FINAL SCORE: 28/50

I'm sorry, I really am. This is by no means trying to slash your stuff. People really like your blog! And you know what? I like it too! It's just needs a bit of work... a lot of work...