I Came Here to Do Stuff

like think of how delicate the skin of the eye is where your eyeliner goes. imagine getting a fucking tattoo there. imagine thinking that pain is worth it because you feel so doomed to wearing makeup and yet so exhausted by the sheer idea of putting it on every day for the rest of your life

one of these women is my grandmother and the other is my aunt’s grandmother, and both of them have explicitly told me that they regret getting these tattoos, and neither of them got them redone when they eventually faded, years and years later. this isn’t a matter of “they love makeup and it helps them express themselves so let them do what they want!” it’s a matter of desperation, of resignation to the constraints and expectations of a society that wants women to look fuckable at literally all costs, even if it means undergoing significant, and even permanent, physical harm.

millennials:

x

x

x

x

x

for folks in office jobs:

x

x

x

x

I got an ad for the us air force on my fb and I clicked “why am i seeing this”. Hell world!!!!

“Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!“ 

“Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.“ 

“We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.“

“Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.“

“On April 19th, I made bread.“

“ I have buggered men.“

“If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend.“

“It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times.“

“Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!“

“Epaphra is not good at ball games.”

“Two friends were here.  While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus.  They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.“

Solomon’s Shield is the name of the app

In anticipation of being able to clean a dolphin skull I’ve been thinking a lot about how completely FUCKY dolphins and other cetaceans are anatomy wise… Like they are some of the strangest, most alien mammals out there. Specifically their skulls and heads. 

So this is your typical dolphin, a smooth round head with a cute smiling beak. You would think their skulls would be shaped like their heads, that’s usually how skulls work. Something like this….

But In reality their skulls actually look like THIS flat alligator thing…

I’m sure you are thinking… “Where is the forehead”??? What if I told you that entire big lumpy forehead isn’t actually its “forehead” but rather something called a “melon” which is actually part of the NOSE or nasal apparatus.

Its essentially just a big gross fluid/jelly blob masquerading as a decent forehead. The melon has evolved as a way of amplifying and detecting vocalizations used in echolocation. Other terrifying facts:

They have no ear holes, most sound is picked up by a combination of the melon and vibrations through the jaw bone. 

They can’t breathe through their mouths. There is something called a  laryngeal plug completely separates the respiratory and digestive tracts. Cetaceans have been known to drown if their blowhole is obstructed.

Their breathing is not automatic. They must constantly think and chose when to take breaths.