sir bruh

songs to stand in the kitchen holding a knife to

turns out my life purpose isn’t supposed to be as small and silent and accommodating and convenient as possible

Underrated part of womanhood is realizing you’re just like. allowed to go outside looking like shit

gonna start selling shirts with like strawberries on them or some shit and it says “VIBES” so i can afford a house

Something about transparent purple plastic makes the 90s kid in me react like an excited chimp

Me when i ask for real spicy and not white people spicy

Me when I step in a puddle and I feel the water penetrate my socks

Me when my friend’s 90 pound dog stomps on my nuts

Me when h– wait, what?

Oh! I’m sorry! I misheard. I thought you said “Me when my friend’s dog stomps on my 90 pound nuts.”

If i had 90 pound nuts do you think i’d be here? Clowning in this shit hole? I’d have a house of gold. A car of jewels. Lingerie forged with meteorite and silver coins. Dont be so naieve