breaking timaeus.

D: nah you right more for me

atta boy. now make room on the couch or i’m gonna hop right on top o’ ya.

imma shove food in his little mouth

you’re also gonna deal with it when he got roaches ‘n’ spiders crawlin’ outta that little mouth.

then come fuckin’ join us

nah bro, you and cal have your little date and i’m going to find some bitches who actually love me.

lil cal is just sitting on my chest while i eat sweetos and watch good eats

dude you gotta tell me when that fucker’s on some in-house date with you.

darren likes puppets, just not the creepy soul puppets that brody makes he loves cal and often carries him around 

{{ Oh fuck no, carrying Cal around? That’s too cute. Someone arrest Darren Strider. }}

i can suck the tip, but that’s about it 

you’re gonna become borderline contortionist soon enough.

honestly i’m becoming hella at yoga

but can you suck your own dick yet?

in that news, i am now selling the ooze that comes from my tentacles if you would like to know more holla at me like, ya know, what the fuck it does in the first place 

i’m fucking cooking dinner

well feed me, then.