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dopelavender

stranger things fans after the illegal events of vol. 2

strangetacojellyfish

Pretty much sums up my feelings as well

#eddie munson #stranger things #remake vol 2

•18+ Adults Only

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I feel like I am going from one hustle to the next. I just got with my doctorate which is great. Now I feel this immense pressure to build my business. Literally spent all of my 20s in school while dealing with intense mental health issues. I’m much better now with my sanity. It’s the stress from having to go from one thing to the next that seems to never end.

#work stress management #overwhelmed #chronic anxiety

ERP

You will continue to get fat and no one will love you. You will lose Casey and won't be loved. You will never recover from your eating disorder and life will be extremely difficult for you.

Maybe that is true. Maybe I will be the fattest person to ever exist and no one will love me. All of that this possible.

Blah

Feeling unmotivated. I want to write more on my professional blog but when I am feeling down, it becomes difficult. I still feel gross from yesterday with my dad sending me a trainer. I am in my 30s and my dad still cannot handle his anxiety about my health and body. It really makes me feel shitty and I don't think he understands it derails my progress. Whenever I go home, I feel way more self-conscious about my body and I know it affects my motivation. My self-worth plummets and I feel like giving up on life. I see myself in pictures and don't like how I look. My dad does not take advice well. He thinks he is right. So, I need to figure out how to talk to him about this because I don't need to be fixed. I hate feeling shitty about my body. IT IS JUST A BODY and I am DONE SHRINKING MYSELF TO FIT HIS EXPECTATIONS.

#intuitive eating #body acceptance #family systems #boundary setting

Sigh

My dad just sent me a text saying that a personal trainer would be reaching out to me AND low and behold I got a text from a trainer UGH. He can’t handle my body changing and puts his anxiety on to me. It’s very reductionist thinking. Oh you have fat on your body you must me unhealthy. Also, I told him to send me whoever he finds. Send me their names. But no. He just contacts this lady and she is all about weight loss and nutrition. GET OUT!!

#intuitive eating #intuitivemovement #family systems

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Yikes

Now that I have recovered from my eating disorder (for the most part I have diet/eating disorder thoughts but they are much easier to manage), I am an intuitive eater, I hear how much people talk about diets. It is ridiculous how much people are obsessed with dieting and making their bodies as small as possible. It can be exhausting to hear how my friends talk about their bodies.

ALL BODIES ARE GOOD BODIES.

#eating disoder recovery #intuitive eating #body acceptance #body neutrality

Some ERP

You’re anxiety is up and that means you’ll have a relapse of derealization!! You’ll never be able to get out of that terror and you’re life will be over! You can’t handle another relapse of anxiety!

Maybe I’ll have another relapse of anxiety. Maybe I’ll have a terrible episode of derealization. Who knows. I do have a different relationship with anxiety and I have skills to help manage it. Anxiety is a part of life. My response to it is key.

I’ve recently, within the last 3 years, learned I have OCD. I had two intense episodes of anxiety. Now in hindsight, I had high functioning anxiety for most of my twenties and my coping strategies stopped working around age 28. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at 26 and that set off my anxiety and OCD. I had no idea I was dealing with intrusive thoughts and compulsions. Also, since around age 17, I was dealing with an eating disorder. That made my anxiety so much worse. At first it was a way to distract me and numb myself but that stopped working in my late 20s. Those two extreme episodes of anxiety were awful. I was dealing with derealization. The last one I had was in 2020 and it was traumatic. I thought I was losing my mind due to the panic. Thanks to Instagram, I found out it was OCD. I remember looking up intrusive thoughts and found an OCD page. It led me to find a new therapists where I focused on OCD and eventually my eating disorder. I’ll write more about this as time goes on. For those, who have recently diagnosed with OCD, I feel your pain. Also, make sure to not read this as a compulsion. Sit with your uncertainty and accept the presence of your thoughts, feelings, urges, feelings, and sensations.

#ocd #anxienty #panic room #mindfulness #uncertainty #personal

Life as it goes

Feeling my emotions as they come in waves. My mother and I had a conversation that was needed and I knew was coming. I boundary was set and now I know my life will be changing. This is not like my mom and I are not talking anymore or I won't be visiting my parents during the holiday. Less intense than that but I needed to move on some and stop her from over-functioning in my life. My dad is involved too and even though he says he wants boundaries in life, he struggles with giving up those connections and likes feeling needed. And although I am ready for this, my anxiety spikes when my life changes. I am much better at handling it now (thank you therapy) and I am facing uncertainty head-on.

#family systems #family struggles #boundaries

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