my favourite headcannon people have is that Ted Wheeler isn't a bad person, he's just really fucking stupid.
this man assumed Will was gay the moment they met, he didnt really care just figured it and moved on. after wills first sleepover in the basement he very earnestly stands before Ted in his armchair, and says "thank you very much for letting me stay in your home, mr wheeler". Ted likes that. very respectful. "he was raised with good manners, you could learn from him" he tells mike. mike rolls his eyes, cus will told mike about making a good impression on his scary old man.
he is the kind to say "hes a good kid for a homo" which slowly turns into "who gives a fuck if he's a homo, he's a good kid" which he one day alters to "he is a good kid and a homo, and thats neat"
he realises mike is gay a little later, when he started dating some random girl that was adopted by that weird cop. "will's sister, really?"
karen frowns. "will hasnt got a sister, ted."
ted just raises his eyebrows. "you cant tell me you didnt notice she looks like will byers in a skirt. come on, karen." he shakes his paper, dignified "and if that cop and joyce byers arent doing it on the down low i'll get nancy a pony"
"she hasnt wanted one of those since she was seven."
alarmed, ted set the paper down "well how old is she now?!"
"no sweetie pie? way to rub it in that girl and him arent together any more, ted, god."
"i wasnt talking about the byers lovechild, i meant william."
"will- WHAT? Him and mike are friends, dont be absurd."
ted just shakes his omnipresent paper. "well, you owe me a soda when they come home hand in hand."
"holding hands means noth-"
"if it happens, you owe me a soda."
1994. Mike sits his parents down to tell them he likes boys. specifically, he likes will. in fact they live together. they cant marry but they wear rings, they love each other, theyre happy together. mike says this pretending not to have tears in his eyes. he speaks confidently despite this because he is certain in his love for will byers.
after a silence, ted wheeler bursts out laughing. karen glares at him, furious he's ruined the moment. "guess what, honey, you owe me a soda!"
when the sentimentality is over, karen (though slightly confused and not entirely certain something very strange has happened to her son or maybe the world) hugs mike and tells him she is always his mother (because whatever is going on wouldnt be changed by karen being horrible to him. she loves him married with kids, so she sure loves him with a boyfriend and a dog in a new york apartment).
Meanwhile, ted still chuckles to himself from his chair in the corner. another win for Theodore Wheeler.
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