straight, no chaser

every time i have salmon it's like. bears are right. i would also stand in a stream for this.

They are also right about: honey, berries, napping all winter, and lack of pants. So really, bears are just living the best life possible.

Hey, I LOVE bots when they’re just here to play with us. COMMERCIAL bots suck.

THE WEASARD

"I bet it's so easy to be a cat and not have to worry about work or school!" Well THINK AGAIN. Kitties are so little that they can't even get their own ice cream out of the freezer. Their paws are too Small.

what no that can't be true

one thing i looove about tolkien is that he’s 100% realistic about people’s physical capabilities like legolas is the only one in the fellowship able to do anything slightly out of the ordinary. the fellowship reaches a seven foot chasm and they’re like damn. guess we’re trapped here then. legolas walks a tightrope across the nimrodel and the others are like absolutely not??? frodo and sam spend half a chapter figuring out how to get down a cliff. they climb up the first flight of stairs at cirith ungol and they’re sweating and have to take a nap. no superheroics here

Also different people have different skills! Not just fitness levels (though that's canon too) but for instance, Pippin's balance and agility are great, but Sam has more stamina than him. And that's very much consistent throughout the books to the point where you can always sort of predict how people will react to given challenges

ok i think what gets me about the kind of post that’s like ’[children’s media] has child soldiers, where are their parents!!’ is that those stories really and truly aren’t for people who’ll think about that, they’re for the people the children’s age, who don’t, for the most part, want to be kept safe or told they’re too young to participate in the world, they want to be given a sword

I know it will pass, but it’s heavy

i love that post thats like “never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm” that shit changed my life. every time i feel bad i look at the clock and i’m like Aha It’s 10:26 PM You Cannot Fucking Fool Me

Fanfic writers really said "in any universe, in any scenario, despite any obstacle, these people would love each other" and I think that's very cool of us

allow me to slip into something a little more… comfortable *removes green ribbon from my neck, screaming ensues*

I think the worst possible outcome of tumblr getting popular again would be twitter types registering complaints about being told to get devoured by swarms of ravenous bees over their lame opinions, and staff feeling an obligation to ban threats of violence or whatever.

In case this ever happens I want to wish anybody who would support that a very happy falling into an orchestra pit and being pulled apart like brisket on the relentless bows of a highly focused string section.

Wait shit that would be threats of violins

sunday is just i have to set my computer on fire i have to do laundry i have to find god i have to make tea i have to quit my job and start a new life in a different state i have to be more honest with the people around me i have to clean my room i have to cut my hair i have to be more deliberate with my hobbies and downtime i have to make a doctors appointment i have to go back to therapy i have to start dating i have to make more friends i have to go on a long drive i have to spend 4 hours disassociating in a target i have to paint my nails i have to tell my mother i love her. but instead i will simply sit. 

i love when people are like “Oh my god, I couldn’t possibly imagine being asexual, how sad, you’re missing so much…” Bitch!!! You know what’s sad? Being gluten intolerant. If you placed two pills in front of me right now, one which would turn me allosexual and one which would enable me to tear into a freshly-baked oven-warm olive-and-rosemary ciabatta without utterly destroying my body, it would not even be a choice. “hyuhhh-duhhhh aren’t you worried you’ll die alone” aren’t you worried i’ll just launch myself over the bakery counter in our local grocery store one day and stuff croissants in my mouth like a starving racoon til i die and the whole place has to be closed down as a health risk while they peel my bloated body off the linoleum floor? You should be

What i have learned from the tags of this post is that there is a whole community of gluten intolerant asexuals and we are all DESPERATELY horny for bread

I’m not even gluten intolerant and I’d go for the bread

I’m not even ace, but that’s still absolutely fuckin reasonable to me