k i t t y

Whyyyyyyy am I fucking like this? Really just want to have a complete or half complete life and all I do is slack on getting shit done. Good for nothing at this point.

I've been defeated. So defeated I'm down and out for the count. I have been knocked so hard and I hear the count to ten; I'm fragile and broken. I'm struggling to pull myself back up for the next round. I know in my heart of hearts I can make it through all this but it looks so far off in the distance. All I want is to be successful in what I do. I see all these people who are getting promotions and praise. I can barely make a part time job worth it. I honestly feel like a failure. I did nothing with school, I came out and worked full time in retail and now I'm stuck with one shift a week to make bills. I want to quit but I have no fall backs. I want to move but I'm nervous I won't be enough to make rent. I don't think I'm cut out for any of this. People my age that I know seem to have things figured out and I'm floundering gasping for air. I don't want condolences or pity. I just don't know where to go without people judging on my lack of confidence or really a goal or dream to work towards. I've made some bad choices as far as career, and I know it's on me. I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Ugh.