Misplaced Small Horses

Chapter 22 of What Do You Mean I Can’t Die? is now released!

This chapter feels so good to have finished for two main reasons. (1) It took a long time to complete. (2) It’s the first smut chapter. Today, I’ve earned all of my M-rated fanfic stripes. 

Chapter summary: 

Without any unnecessary flourishing- Dirk and Jake awkwardly fuck in a bath. Next chapter, the everything else development gets rolling again, but for this one, it’s just romantic development. (Shit gets back to being fucked up soon, I promise.)  

Chapter preview:

GT: I know!! And I certainly would not be opposed to that agreement- after all I would certainly pay the most of my mind to the feeling of the mud becoming watery again rather than the feeling of the other stuff. Which I am presuming will feel a hell of a lot better than the mud- this is much more of a statement toward the high relevancy of the feeling of the mud in my mind than it is a statement toward your assumed bed performance. 

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

Expect that chapter to come out tomorrow. 

I also want to take the time to give a quick heads up on my projected production speed for this week. Several factors are making this week’s forecast a bit hard to read: (1) my health just rose like a phoenix of the ravines of fuckall again, and I got my soundscape game locked back in gear, (2) my organizational and editing process just got kicked up to master's level, but (3) I also have my only major project of my summer college semester due on thursday. Keeping this all in mind, I’m going to try to raise my inner-agent from the dead so that they can vicariously kick my ass about following schedules closely. In the event that I do become a necromancer, this week might hit closer to a regular flow. In the event that the project becomes more time-consuming than initially anticipated, than expect a new update come next saturday/sunday.  

Chapter 21 of What Do You Mean I Can’t Die? is out!

And damn am I glad for it, because my hands are killing me. Well- okay, they’re not killing me yet, but they’re threatening to. 

Chapter summary: 

Dirk and Jake take a mystical trip throughout the mirror realm, which is really just a trip through a mirror they found in the back of a circus mirror hall. It’s kind of like the shadow realm, but it’s not an afterlife zone and there are no card games. Watch as they struggle to get dry clothing! 

Chapter preview: 

While Dirk locked his attention on the path ahead, Jake kept careful eye on the rocks on the forest ground. Through his last few visits, his trips throughout the mirror realm were guided by innocuous environmental details. First, he visited a cave without end. He would be guided through it by the bats that would come down from the ceiling. Second, he visited an empty hotel with no directory along the walls. The elevators would merely shift him any number of ways throughout the empty room levels, but he eventually learned that the buttons accepted multi-number strings. A guide of coordinates laid underneath a false advertisement in the elevator, which allowed him to shift to a location within the hotel with a mirror present. As his mind developed with his age, the environments he could conceive became more complex in suit, requiring more complex solutions. The only pattern he could discern at the present moment were the stones along the forest bed, causing him to guide Dirk along hurriedly while watching out for their changes. 

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

Chapter 20 of What Do You Mean I Can’t Die is finally released!

And the blog is back with your scheduled content! This story partition may very well go on for four or five chapters, which is why the production process for the first installment took so ding damned long. Ding damned planning. 

Chapter summary: 

Dirk and Jake go to the mirror room in the semi-annual Alternian circus! (AND NOTHING BAD HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE CIRCUSES OF A HORROR STORY, RIGHT???????????)

Chapter preview: 

TT: “…Which path are you going to take?"

GT: "Though the future is tempting- I have enough control over that malarky to place my bets on the road of the past. Will you be coming with me?"

TT: "To be honest, I think the future is more interesting."

GT: "Have it your way then! I will meet back up with you later on."

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

It aint a secret that the count has been in flux lately. 35,40,35,40. Despite this, WDYMICD?’s chapter progression is already drafted, start to finish. I know how exactly how it is going to end (and I WILL end it). I also know all of the things I need to touch on before that ending hits, and when to bring those things up. 

The original projection of 40 chapters came out of internal anxiety over the dismal word counts of the first 7 chapters, which I invoked to prevent meandering on useless day to day shit before the good stuff (if I’ve learned anything recently, it’s that I’m no longer putting in anything I consider to be plot progression alone). I expected to consistently write at an episodic 2k, with an additional 7-10 chapters over the projected total. Additionally, I expected to make an alternate, expanded version of the first scene when everything finalized. 

Chapter 19 of What Do You Mean I Can’t Die? is out!

In celebration for laying down the first of many explanations that nobody asked for, bizarro red blots have been layered underneath the typical header image. Edits have been generously provided by Paint.net and five minutes of my time. 

Chapter summary: 

Alternia’s peculiar history gets some light hurled at it VIA paragraph exposition! Seemingly disconnected things seem connected now! Wow!   

Chapter preview: 

1. Scientific interest in going past prior goals necessitated the progression into unfamiliar lands to avoid repetition, as the only remaining projects involved the substantiation or alteration of pre-existent projects.

2. Some humans no longer gained satisfaction from roaming Earth due to how limited its environmental construction was compared to the emerging planets. This created a wide market for interplanetary tourism, especially among the rich classes.

3. A subtle hysteria developed over the "ten remaining generations". Because the limitations of scientific theory stood bright and clear, some theorized that the actual remaining generation count could be as low as 2 or 1. To avoid being a victim of an honest miscalculation, some volunteered to be guinea pigs for the new earths.    

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

I’m glad you asked, because among other characters, I know for a fact that I totally forgot to lay Jake’s age down. At the beginning of the fic, Dirk and Jake are both 18, John and Dave are both 16. Then a year passes, which is currently the block of time that has gained the most focus. (And in the case of John and Dave, the only block of time where they have immediate development).  

The phrasing of this current chapter is intentionally deceiving on Karkat and Terezi’s age (along with the rest of the trolls which are beyond formal introduction). Depending on the person, they’re somewhere around 100-230.   

Chapter 18 of What Do You Mean I Can’t Die? is released! 

Holy cowabunga Batman, I released this within my proposed timeblock for once! I would like to thank Flarp for the site-maintenance and theme reconstruction that made this timing possible. 

Chapter summary: 

Dave is taken by the hand off to the mystical land of sub-plot (major plot) development by two armed strangers! What wonders will he find down the wondrous manhole??

Chapter preview: 

“RO4DK1LL, 1 4M SUR3 YOU 4R3 WOND3R1NG WHY W3 THOUGHT 1T W4S 4 GOOD 1D34 TO STOP YOU 1N TH3 PROC3SS OF R3TURN1NG TO WH4T3V3R YOU W3R3 BOUND TO DO”

“RO4DK1LL!”  

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

Chapter 17 of What Do You Mean I Can’t Die? is now out of the ground, and it’s proceeding to spew acid on the nearest human population! The horror!

Chapter summary: 

A continuation of the last Dancing and Damming installment, Dave and John start their discussion on Dirk, the midnight crew fluffs a fucker for their rightful gambling earnings, and Dirk and Jake kiss and stuff. (Not to cause a scandal or anything, but Dirk and Jake kiss multiple times. Shucks, buster!)

Chapter preview: 

“TG: like 70% of the shit out of your mouth is about how bad that guy is

why cant it be reduced to 40%

the recovered 30% can be directed to the 'tell me more shit about my lost brother' fund”

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

Chapter 16 is out and. Eugh! What is that shit. It’s getting all over the clean floors!! 

This update elaborates on the potential uses for black ooze, and serves as a reminder as to why this was put underneath the horror genre along with dystopia.  

Chapter summary: 

Everyone finally gets to learn what the hell is up with that John guy. (Kind of.) It answers a lot of questions, but leaves so many open to be answered on an update far later than now. I can’t even say anything, because even saying basic things removes the ‘wow’ from this super duper surprising chapter. 

Chapter preview: 

EB: it is happening again. i can feel it. last time, there was definitely a longer interval between the change. maybe they are getting shorter? from now on, i am going to have to prepare myself earlier. then again i have a lot to sort out about what to prepare.

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

Chapter 15 of What Do You Mean I Can’t Die? has been posted!

I told myself I would release this on time today, and then I finished working on it at 2 am. Oh well! Live and labor.

Chapter summary: 

A survey of Dave’s nightclub goes down, and we get to see Dirk and Jake dancing to Miniskirt by AOA! This is still dystopian, I swear! 

Chapter preview: 

GT: I am dreadfully sorry. I absolutely cannot hear you over how great this song is.

TT:If you’re going to be that way, we may as well construct a game out of this.

GT:Really now? Call me intrigued.

TT: Great. Get off the fucking floor.

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

Chapter 14 of “What Do You Mean I Can’t Die?” is up! 

How fast one of my stories takes a plunge into the 'no' zone is directly proportional with the growth of a Katamari ball. The same can be said of its consistency of awful once at an ideal mass. Regardlessly of how dimly this shows now, it will show damn brightly later.

Chapter summary: 

In the aftermath of Jake’s experience in one of the Naturalistic rooms, Dirk decides to try out the gun range for himself. Unfortunately, curiosity provokes him at an extreme. (Warning: the former sentence contained a shitty pun for readers only)   

Chapter preview: 

“Dirk. Dirk get back here. I have a faint idea of what you are attempting to do and it is absolutely not possible on the basis of target speed and-“

“As far as I could tell, there was no explicit rule limiting point earnings to those who used a gun. And considering I’m no longer of flesh, I would imagine that I have a far higher tolerance for physical attacks than someone like you. Just relax. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

Jake ran after him. Once he caught up, he held him by the arm, attempting to pull him back. Knowing Dirk’s stubbornness, the only thing to get him to change course would have to be a 30 page philosophical argument on the moral stance of the move, or a physical inability to move forward. Regardless of this, Dirk continued walk into the corridor, earning a few curious looks from some of the participants sitting in the main hall.

For new readers, begin at chapter one here

This needed to be immortalized for generations to come. 

Dirk roleplays his fursona dog Diogenes with Dave’s fursona Akwete Purrmusk: the highlight reel. 

Chapter 13 for What Do You Mean I Can’t Die? is now out at a really weird time! Alright!

Chapter summary: 

Jake tries out one of the naturalistic rooms at the gun range. He performs like a majestic beast.    

Chapter preview:

The room that Jake stood within, unlike some of the other rooms, only selectively invoked environmental imagery for the purpose of keeping shooters on their toes. These images normally came in the form of imitation animal homes or plant barriers. The areas uncovered came in the form of pitch black panels, with multicolor streams of light flowing unevenly between them. The light always traced the presence of the shooter, rather than tracing the forms of the robotic animals, allowing the shooter enough light to make out enemy forms in dark areas without giving away the location of enemies deciding to hide.  

For new readers, begin at chapter one here