BIG SPLENDOUR

Love consists of knowledge, a way of knowing the world through another person, and relating lovingly can be said to be a process of knowledge sharing. We seek to grasp truth of ourselves through others and to offer truth to others in whatever way we find it. Through communication, we build trust in the world, as I am safe with you, so I am (at least partially) safe in this world. But my sense of self is not necessarily ‘safe’—I am continually challenged to open, engage, and occasionally disembark from myself as new knowledges from others turn into new ways of being. In this definition of love-as-knowledge, there is no distinction between ‘romantic’ relationships and friendships

We often imagine love to be about a magical intuitive ‘connection’ with someone. But, in [Donald] Winnicott’s writings [about psychoanalysis], we get a different picture. It’s about a surrender of the ego, a putting aside of one’s own needs and assumptions, for the sake of close, attentive listening to another, whose mystery one respects, along with a commitment not to get offended, not to retaliate, when something ‘bad’ emerges, as it often does when one is close to someone, child or adult.