Nerdy

Today is the day

it’s not surprising to me that most people don’t actually… KNOW how to cook vegetables, which is really, really sad. so imma help y’all out. 

- grill your fucking vegetables? if you have a grill, or even a little dinky george foreman–grill those bitches. brush them with olive oil–or a mix of olive oil and balsalmic vinegar if you’re fancy, grill, salt, pepper, fresh herbs if you want, BAM. delicious. if you don’t, roasting is your next best option. you can also (if you have a gas stove and are ambitious) “grill” on the stove top. many a time i’ve stuck a sweet pepper on the stove and lit that bitch up! 

- braise those bitches??? good for leafy greens and vegetables like turnips and radishes. finely chop some garlic, onion, or scallion (or all three if you’re bold) and sautee them in a little oil. once they’re almost cooked, add your veg. keep it moving, don’t let anything burn, and add a capful of white wine, or cooking wine. DELICIOUS. 

- FRESH. HERBS. ARE. YOUR. FRIENDS? if you cannot get fresh (admittedly, i live on a farm, so i’m never short on things like dill, parsley, thyme, scallion, or cilantro) but they’re amazing on fresh veggies. sauteed in them in a pan? add some herbs. roasted them in the oven? add some herbs (and brown sugar if you want a savory sweet vibe)

- roast them in the oven if you don’t have time (or spoons) to stand up next to a hot ass stove for 5-20 minutes! vegetables that are good for roasting are typically ones that take a long time to cook, eggplants, potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, etc. of course, you can roast any veggie you like!

- MARINATE THOSE BITCHES??? literally you can make delicious marinades out of items most of you already have in your homes: honey/brown sugar, salt, soy sauce, sesame oil, etc. 

- FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK STOP ADDING EVERYTHING TO THE PAN AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. time out your veggies when sauteeing them for anything. if you’re doing a bunch of different ones, add the veggies to the pan first that take the longest. Making stir fry? put those motherfucking carrots in first, because they take FOREVER. onions, carrots, potatoes? put those in first. corn, broccoli, sweet pepper, zucchini? closer to the end, my dude, because they cook FAST. 

- ginger and scallion go excellently in stir fry btw. if when you make your stir fry it tastes like it’s “missing something”, that’s what you’re missing. add that shit. 

- you do NOT FUCKING NEED CHICKEN/BEEF STOCK FOR YOUR GODDAMN SOUP IF IT DOESN’T HAVE MEAT IN IT! sautee your veggies first, and you can use either powdered or canned coconut milk as the body. it makes for deliciously creamy soup. don’t worry about the coconut taste–it’s pretty much gone by the time your soup/stew is done cooking. coconut milk (especially powdered, and soy milk works for this too, no vanilla flavoring obviously) makes an excellent base for sauces for veggies, even if you eat meat! 

lastly, give it the ol’ ratatouille. smell your herbs and spices together. if they seem like they go well, odds are, they’ll taste bangin’ once you combine them. experiment. everything you make will not be good, but you’ll get more comfortable cooking. i’ve been a chef for like two years and i burned some bread today, so it’s okay. you’ll make mistakes. that’s how you learn. don’t be afraid to cut or burn yourself–the more afraid you are, the more likely it is to happen. 

-If you’re subbing coconut milk for a meat-based stock you’ll probably want to add more salt than the original recipe calls for. And some garlic

-Actually, everything needs more garlic.

-The Ratatouille Method Works.  It works best when you’re feeling indescisive about what to make for dinner, so you go snack on whatever herbs/veg/sauce you have around and think about the flavors.

-Don’t be afraid to do this with fruit too!  Even if you’re a meat person like me, fruit goes great with lots of things and can benefit from many of the above cooking methods.  The main difference is that fruit tends to cook REALLY SUPER FAST so add it in at the last minute, or even last second.

-Looking Up Traditional Recipies.  Not eating enough plants is a very recent problem, and nearly every culture on earth has got some great veg recipies. Look up basic things like “French Carrots and Leeks Recipes” or find multicultural food blogs or heck, Actually Call Your Grandma* and ask what she did for vegetables.