It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

Experiencing intrusive thoughts about manipulating/gaslighting/abusing someone into staying with them.

Getting headaches because you're so angry.

Finding relationships extremely hard to maintain because you always see it as closer than it is.

Wanting to ignore people for days/weeks/months because of something you did.

Subconsciously holding everyone to unattainable standards and getting upset when they can't meet them

Wanting people to enable your bad behaviour.

The fright upon realising someone is developing into your new FP

Refusing to meet new people because you're so tired of hurting yourself and them.

Being unable to tell the difference between a crush and an FP

Being delighted when you realise the person you're talking to has BPD as well.

Being extremely cautious even in cluster b safe spaces because it's never truly safe for all four disorders.

Associating someone you've known for years with a negative trait because they did it once and now your view of them is tainted.

Hating people you've never met because someone you're close to had a bad experience around them.

Grudge holding wayyyyy too much.