“This is the Black woman...in all our trouble and glory...in all our past history and future forbearance...in all that ever made love a possibility...This is about us...giving pride...giving succor...giving voice...giving encouragement...giving whatever...we can give / This is about us...celebrating ourselves...And a well deserved honor it is...Light the candles...This is a rocket….let’s ride.” - Nikki Giovanni, Soul Food, Sex, and Space 

So you’re rocking the #BWAFGU Limited Edition Tee. Of course you’re flexing and wanna hit ‘da gram’ with the new new. The tricky part is thinking of a bomb caption for your pic. Have no fear! I got you, sis. Or brotha who loves him some Black women.

When you purchased your tee with a purpose it was because something about the message made you feel like, “YES! Ain’t this the truth!” 

I want you to go back to that “ain’t this the truth” moment.

Think about the stories and experiences that make the powerful statement #BlackWomenAreForGrownUps true for you.

Then unapologetically share your story as your caption.

Need some examples? Here are er’day Black women who are grown as hell: the Black woman who runs sh*t, the Black mother trying to balance it all, the Black woman who’s woke AF, the Black woman who keeps it 100%, the Black woman who defied all odds, the Black woman who put in work, the Black woman who’s inspired by Black women. 

Y’all get the point. Throw your swag on it. Talk about yourself. Or your sister-friend’s. Or ya mama n’ nem. Or Cardi B ‘cuz ain’t no respectability politics bih.

Use the hashtag #BlackWomenAreForGrownUps #BWAFGU so we can all join in the sharing and celebration of each other. 

-        Peace & Light, Stevie  

“Maya Angelou loved to party…did it up until she passed. What do you have (planned) on your books? Because Maya always had plans!” -  Valerie Simpson

The quote above is my fav from Dr. Angelou’s homegoing service and it inspired me to finally write about my 30 before 30 list. It’s no secret in these social media streets that for the last two years I’ve been completing a list under the hashtag #30before30 and the question I get the most from folks of all ages is “why a bucket list?” For me it’s simple. I believe in intentional growth. While all of our day to day experiences set us up to “know better, do better”, I began to envision what it would be like if I actively curated my own dreams instead of passively hoping they’d come true.

Now with numerous adventures under my belt I’m ready to share the top 5 life lessons my #30before30 has taught me thus far and why I believe er’body should be ‘bout this Maya-esque life.

Here we go…

Fear is a choice: I’ve done things I never dreamt. I’ve free fallen 14,000 ft. out a plane, sat butt booty naked in front of a camera, and even had the nerve to publicly African dance knowing dag on well I ain’t got no rhythm. Each of these moments was met with apprehension, but I chose to jump, bare it all, shake what my mama gave me off beat. Every time I intentionally chose courage I discovered my own strength.

God is “all”: After every adventure I am in awe of God’s supremacy. I am in wonderment of the beautiful physical world He created and handcrafted me to be a part of. Genesis 1:1-31 is too real; I’m humbled.

You Can’t Outdo Black People: Listen. As a people we are just the flyest in every sense! Whether it’s the dope gym instructor that incorporates Hip Hop in her spin class, the fearless sista who quit her 9-5 to follow her photography passion, the epic pop n’ lock battle between two street brotha’s in Dashiki’s, the beautiful Black couple who started the most soulful natural hair boutique, Prince at 56 working a pair of tight pants on stage like it’s 1999, the young Black scholar in New Orleans who’s on fire about education, or the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre setting NY afire, they all prove that wherever we be is magic. Just can’t outdo us and it’s so inspirational.

Being Myself is Best: Real talk, I’ve killed two herb gardens because I continuously fail to water them. I bought ballet shoes to take a class, but never got my plié on. Know why? Because I’m not my great grandmother who grew thousands of beautiful flowers nor am I Misty Copeland, but I am so many other wonderful things. Trying to actualize the dreams of others quickly made me realize authenticity is best.

The Best Things in Life are Free (for real for real): While a great deal of adventures cost money, the love within them is always free. There’s nothing like a celebratory hug from a friend, the peace you feel starring at a lake for hours, the support of a lover, an intimate conversation with a friend, the joy of watching others live their purpose, seeing music bring folks together, afternoon snacks voluntarily prepared by a kind innkeeper, getting the best relationship advice from a tipsy Afro-Latina in a jazz club, or a child’s toothy grin making your entire day. It’s all the very best. It’s all love. It’s always free.

With all that being said in 6 months I turn 30 and I’ve got twelve-ish more dreams to make reality, but guess what? Those adventures are mos def ‘on the books’. 

Word to Queen Maya!

Peace & Light, Stevie 

July 12, 2012 I wrote:

21.) Vacationing Alone - I plan on going somewhere simply divine, reading the bible a great deal, journaling, being around lots of water, & of course Instagraming pics of myself doing the things I love. Simple.

The message above is from my 30 before 30 list (that I began when I was 27) and last week I spent three days fulfilling this promise to myself. I deemed my sacred time ‘alonecation’ and it was all things magnificent!

I had a lot of questions from folks before and after the trip; so I put together this Q&A of the top 5 questions I received.

What made you decide to vacation alone? Back in the day I thought it was fresh concept, but ironically when I finally made the plans it felt like a necessity for my life. I honestly needed the space to cry. I needed to smile. I needed time alone with God. I needed to express gratefulness. I needed consistent solitude so I could clearly hear His will. I booked a gorgeous off beach condo and God blessed it. In fact, when I arrived at the condo the new Kelly Price joint, “It’s My Time” came on the radio. I saw it as confirmation that I’d made my next move, my best move, and jammed out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmBQOfKep3U 

What the hell did you do alone? Those who follow me via Instagram at glilhony2 saw bits of my journey under #alonecationflow. In short, I literally woke up every morn (no alarm clock) and did whatever I liked. I lived for me. I prayed a lot, did yoga, moisturized my body, ate clean foods, bought myself flowers, listened to the ocean at night, watched the sunset, played soulful music, wrote, watched a ratchet movie on BET, ran a warm rose bath, put on clothes that made me feel sensual, sat in awe of God’s goodness, got an aromatherapy massage, etc. There are so many things that I/we tend to ‘wait’ for others to do, but why? Flowers are just as beautiful if we give them to ourselves. Food is just as delectable when we make it with love just for us. Our bodies deserve to be sumptuous even when we’re the only ones touching it. God desires to hear from us even when there is no one else around to witness.

Girl, you weren’t alone! Who was taking those photos for ‘da gram’? Some of my dearest friends didn’t believe I was solo dolo, but I was indeed happily alone. There’s an app called Auto Cam Timer. It helped capture a lot of lovely moments that I wanted to tangibly be able to look back and smile on. I highly recommend it.

This is just for single people, right? Wrong. Just because someone else loves you it doesn’t give you the excuse to not love yourself. Heck, even Claire needed a crown and a sound proof room to retreat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRwkUnmAxtw. Self love is always key. While I was away I read a beautiful book Salt by nayyirahwaheed and she has a poem that says, “If someone does not want me it is not the end of the world, but if I do not want me the world is nothing but endings.” My personal goal is to fall deeper in love with God and myself so that I can have enough love to give others and still sustain.

Hey dirty, what if I ain't got no money? *in my ODB voice* All of the things I did during the alonecation I/we could easily do at home. Opt for the warm bath instead of a quick shower. Take 5 extra minutes to slowly moisturize. Write down gratitude’s. Have a calming cup of tea. Enjoy a red wine in silence. Pick up those pretty flowers at the local grocery and smell those mugs. Wake up early to praise the creator and mediate. Don’t respond to mofo’s you don’t want to talk to. It’s the little things that make us whole and happy.

Whatever is needed, we are the ones.

I will not be an SBW.