this is my design

sometimes I get so jealous of other people’s social skills. like damn. they can talk to people?? and people like them?? look at all those people who like them. wtf. illegal

I love when I’m about to clock out and a coworker says “you’re leaving me?” like first of all it’s so touching to know that my presence here offers you some semblance of joy and relief from the misery and anxiety-inducing stress that our work environment causes. Second of all yes bitch I’m OUT I’m gonna go play some viddy games suck it

My entire life condensed into one sentence.

when Lemony Snicket wrote “I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you everyday” that hurt me

i really could write an essay on how shit is that we’ve completely abandoned the monster-of-the-week episode format even when rebooting shows that relied on it to replace them with grimdark edgy plotlines where nothing feels good or accomplished at the end of the day

#EXACTLY #WHY DO PEOPLE HATE MONSTER OF THE WEEK?#IT’S MY FAVORITE STORYTELLING FORMAT#IT’S THE MOST CHARACTER DRIVEN FORMAT WHEN DONE PROPERLY IMO#the best monster of the week episodes show us something new about the characters

I honestly wish I had Lena Dunham’s confidence. She’s just out here ugly as hell, stupid as hell, annoying as hell, and she’s living so what the fuck am I insecure for?

as a procrastinating overachiever i feel like i don’t necessarily “half-ass” things, it’s more like a “3/4 ass”. like overall did i do pretty well? yeah. did i reach my maximum potential though? i think the fuck Not.

for sale: baby shoes never worn. kid was born bigger than anticipated. absolutely jacked. real renaissance man.

i romantically stand outside your window and hold up my iPhone to blast our song. a 30 second ad plays first