bright.

Well, you know, gotta keep ‘em guessing. And laughter is the best medicine, so you know. It’d totally end whatever argument you were in to need to resort to name-calling in the first place. Who actually collects Lisa Frank though? Nobody, that’s who. Therefore, hoarder. Yeah, yeah, we’re all in this together and all that. HA you’re gonna bring your Sandslash, a Pokemon that’s weak against grass-types? Man, sounds like you gotta relearn the game. I’ll be happy to teach you by beating you.

Hey, Lisa Frank is extremely collectible! Well, wait, I’m not sure about that, but they’re worth it to me! But fine, call me a hoarder. I’ll just soak up the nostalgia by myself then. I forgot Sandslash was weak against grass-types! Ahh, I’ll have to rethink my whole strategy now. You sound just like a gym leader, talking to me about teaching me by beating me. 

What can I say, a lot of these creatures are pretty adorable and I’ll admit I was missing out when we were kids. But you know Sailor Moon was more my thing. And Totally Spies. Oh please, you and Gabe could never make me feel left out. If anything I probably did that a few times back in high school at parties. Which I’m sincerely sorry for, as I hope you both know. Yeah, I think I’ll just stick to collecting. Actually I kind of want some plushies of them, like I don’t care that I’m 27 I’ll own a giant plush Bulbasaur. Grass-type, well that still makes sense to me that it seems to be my favorite kind. 

Sailor Moon was cool too! I don’t remember Totally Spies that much, but I think that’s just because I was so into Pokemon. Don’t worry about what happened in the past, Sav. We were young and didn’t know any better, but everything is okay now! The plushies are so cute! Actually, I know exactly where to get you a Bulbasaur plushie! You’re so silly, Sav. 

em: glad to hear. you have some fun?

So you’re just sunshine and rainbows huh? 

Definitely not just sunshine and rainbows. There’s some rain mixed in there too, but I let it do its thing because that’s how you get the rainbows at the end of the day.

Yeah, yeah. I can’t guarantee I’m going to be some expert like you two, but I’m giving it a shot. Oh great, you guys are making plans for me behind my back? I thought I was just learning the video games from Gabe, now there’s the cards involved too? Can’t I just try to collect my faves and give you guys the ones I don’t want. Eh, I think I’m definitely more of a plant-type? Am I getting that right?

Trust me, Sav. The fact that you’re even willing to give it a try is more than enough for me! I just don’t want you feeling left out if Gabe and I were to make a joke about it or a reference and you’d just be lost. But honestly, that’s okay too. If you’re not interested in the cards and if you just wanted to pick the really cool ones, I’d be happy to split the leftovers with Gabe. Plant-type is close though! They’re technically called grass, but grass is also a plant, so you’re on the right track!

Not at all? Not even when someone like, cuts you off in traffic? Or takes the last soda off the rack?

Oh gosh, no, I could never get angry at someone who cuts me off. If they’ve got somewhere to be and I’m holding them up, then it’s my fault. And if someone took the last soda off the rack, then it means it wasn’t meant for me, that’s all.

em: got out a whole hour early cos everyone was at the fair and then realized i lost my keys and just now got out

em: my dumbass was crawling under booths and shit all night

em: you end up goin?

stella: I'm sorry you lost your keys! So glad you found them though!

I make it a rule not to fight with anyone with knowledge of forests or parks or shit. They’re the people who get away with murder. 

I wouldn’t take it that far. People get really passionate about the forests and they’ve probably done just as much studying and research about them as I have. But I’m the same, I make it a rule not to fight with anyone, period.

I would love to pair it with a glass of milk, but unfortunately I’m super lactose intolerant. But I love the enthusiasm, love!

Oh yikes, definitely don’t drink any milk then! What kind of trees though? There are so many kinds out here, it’s amazing.

DJ: Disoriented by all the flashing lights maybe??

DJ: I mean, there are other highs, but cotton candy high was pretty good

DJ: Yeah, np. Actually had a good time

DJ: Not that I didn't think I would with you specifically

DJ: I usually just, don't go out to stuff like that, so I don't expect to vibe with people

Stella: Those flashing lights can definitely make someone dizzy, so maybe that was the reason why.

Stella: That's true. An adrenaline high is also fun, but it makes me shake, so I tend to stay away from those unless I'm feeling daring.

That was super cheesy, just thought you should know that. Also I loved it. Butthead is such a funny word though! Also really fun to call people that, like they expect to be called something worse every time. One of these days, you’re gonna end up on an episode of Hoarders, that’s really sad… says the guy who still has pretty much every game he’s ever bought even though the systems are basically obsolete. We’re gonna be a joint episode. “The Nerds That Never Throw Stuff Away,” that’s what it’s gonna be called. I’m totally calling you out, that was me, calling you out. Deal with it. Pft, please. Some of them are gonna be grass and poison, like Gloom, and we’re so taking your fire-types out. No worries there though, I really don’t like that Pokemon.

What can I say? I’m the queen of cheese. Man, those reactions must be hilarious. Imagine bracing yourself for the worst insult ever and all that comes out is “butthead”? I’d probably fall over laughing. Everything is in its rightful place! It isn’t a hoard, it’s a collection. Our collections make us happy and if it just so happens to get so out of hand that it lands us on an episode of Hoarders, then at least we were in it together, right? At this point, I can’t even say that I didn’t deserve to be called out, so I’ll accept my defeat this time. But that’s alright, you can bring your Gloom, but I’ll make sure to have my Sandslash at the ready! At least we won’t have to worry about Inteleon being anywhere near our parties though, so there’s that.

People really want to fight about plant life?

I wouldn’t say that they want to fight, but things definitely get heated sometimes. Voices get raised, rants start happening, one of the parties starts to tremble just a little bit. Sometimes it gets intense in the park.

DJ: i can't fucking believe you got me on a ferris wheel

DJ: getting me high on cotton candy isn't gonna work next time ya know

[ a minute later ]

DJ: it was cool, and stuff. thanks for making me go

Stella: I honestly didn't have plans to get on the ferris wheel tonight either, but something in the air made me feel adventurous!

Stella: Is there another high to chase? There's nothing like a good sugar rush.

Hello, Castlewood! Jordan Fabray, they/them pronouns, slave at Save-A-Lot. How is everyone doing? I’ve got some tree and some Oreos to munch on, so I’m doing fucking fantastic, thank you for asking. Super excited to meet all your angelic faces!

Trees and Oreos? Yum, what a combo. A calm setting, a delicious snack, pair it with a glass of milk? Perfect night! Glad you’re having fun, Jordan!

Or I could give them the tip of my boot somewhere the sun don’t shine. 

You must not work in the service industry if you’re not questioned at least a couple times a week. What, you a model who fights with a photographer or something?

That’d be awfully uncomfortable, but I can’t say I blame you. 

Y’know, if you try and explain shit to me at my shop, talking about how you could do all this work yourself, I should be able to charge you extra. Or toss you in the hole. 

That’s never any fun. I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s only happened to me once or twice, but it still kinda hurts, y’know? Like some people don’t understand that you’ve devoted time to hone your craft and skills to be the expert that you are. But most of the time, people don’t realize they’re doing it, so I just give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Alright, so thanks to the lovable nerds that are my twin sister - Stella, and my best friend - Gabe, I have officially started watching Pokemon from the beginning and I’ve gotta say, it’s not so bad. The theme song is a total bop, like hell yeah! I do want to be the very best like no one ever was. If I didn’t always have my phone on silent, I’d probably use that as my ringtone. Also, Bulbasaur is the coolest, just sayin’. 

Yes! I knew you’d like it! I promise, it’ll grow on you. Soon, you’re gonna know all the lingo and each type’s strength and weaknesses. Gabe and I are gonna teach you how to play the card game and I’m gonna show you the new games on the Switch! This is so exciting! Bulbasaur is definitely one of the coolest, but Charmander is definitely where it’s at!