Twisting It All In Grey

No surprises here, but there's an overall trend of identifying with characters who are socially awkward and/or rub other people the wrong way for arbitrary social constructs/expectations. My four are Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, Kyo Soma from Fruits Basket, Anya Jenkins from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Fa Mulan from Mulan.

When things end Do they all at once Cleanly Cut from the whole? Or, Do they tear away Slowly In vanishing scraps? Picked apart By trembling hands Cobbling, working What remains Until nothing, Absolutely nothing, Is left. Losing isn't A singular act. Love and trust, Hearts and hands Misplaced in pieces. Protracted, Drawn out, Organ failure.

I cry sometimes And in those moments Looking back I don’t know what hurts more Missing you Or the feeling of missing missing you I look at things that remind me of Not you as you were But memories of memories of a feeling And somewhere there I know you’re still behind it all Buried and blurry And maybe that’s the real hurt Deep down Really far down I wish I was sad for the right reasons I wish I could clearly remember All the things I’ve lost to time Sometimes I cry But it doesn’t feel like sadness It feels more like fear Or both I’m afraid that this cry This one I’m doing now Still so painful Still so real Won’t last Because all I have of you now Is the pain you left me So when that finally goes And I no longer cry Because I can’t see you clearly Or remember the first cause That started it all The shape of you The base feeling What then will I have To prove you were real And that I loved you?

I find it incredibly fucked up that the best things in life must be patiently waited for, and can only be enjoyed for a miserably short window of time before they’re past their prime and start to decay. Gone in a blink of an eye. Fruit trees take decades to mature and produce fruit. The fruit itself takes weeks to be pollenated, grow, and finally reach peak ripeness. That state of edibility at the height of sweetness can be as short as a few fleeting days before the rotting begins. It’s incredible. Enjoying something, anything really, is like snatching at flies with chopsticks. You have to ruthlessly lunge at every opportunity happiness grants you, or your chance will pass and the fruit will rot right before your eyes. Be savagely happy. Do not hesitate. And don’t apologise for devouring every last drop of what’s afforded to you.

Kill the living Smoke the crystal Tell me something new Drown the ashes Fill the empty Give me what I’m due

Love me for a little while You know I can’t say no Love me when it feels too late I’ll never let you go

First and last in my life Take me out and never put me back again

KILLIAN & NADRÍAE / NADRÍAE & MY’REN; “Guess love is a response to the body it haunts, and we do what it wants.”

All alone she waits for him Every day she feels the loss of his gaze The cold absence of his love Her mirror awash with dead potential After him, she was lost After him, she was unknown After him, she was heartbroken After him, she was undone

RAOUL VAL’RAEN; “The stars did wander darkling in the eternal space, rayless, and pathless, and the icy earth swung blind and blackening in the moonless air.”

I don’t know how to feel But I want to Steal another glance I haunt you I’m no good for you Baby, walk away Walk away... I hear your voice In the middle of the night See your face In the morning light Can’t escape you No matter what I do... Ooo... Yet, I don’t know what I feel But I want to Steal another glance I haunt you You’re no good for me Please baby, walk away Walk away...

BLACK

WHITE

Say you’ll miss me I need to hear Your pretty lies I’ll keep them dear

Yeah, I wanna be